Occlumency :: A Severus Snape archive

Reviews for The Highest Value

crockywock	2007.09.25 - 07:38AM	24: Memory	Signed
I completely know what you mean about fanart and Remus's perspective. LOL I've seen a lot myself. Within the story, it might make things a little clearer, though, to give a small hint as to what Remus's perspective is in this scene. One small sentence or so. Nothing fancy. :) Author's Response: Yes, when I re-read the chapter, I realized Remus' perspective is not clear. I'll have to do that.

crockywock

2007.09.23 - 06:37AM

24: Memory

Signed

I'll try code in this one cause it's short.

Complete agreement with and love for the entire rest of the scene. I realised why Severus was being so sociable towards Potter and Black only at "Severus knew he was in trouble" and the paragraph that follows. I admit I forgot the strict pureblood-muggleborn hierarchy for a moment, but it makes absolute sense then for Snape to react the way he did. Avery's reaction of ignoring Snape is also extremely spot on.

Double wording at: "Before he could do anything else, Potter disarmed Snape with another Expelliarmus, this one bringing Snape's wand to Potter."

I was confused at first that Remus thought Snape hadn't landed a hex, but then realised that he didn't see everything. How did he miss the blood, though? Is he sitting behind James and Sirius?

Author's Response: Perhaps I've seen too much fan art on this. I always picture that Remus remains sitting and "reading" his book. James and Sirius are standing with their backs to him. When Remus glances over at the action, he would see Severus and Lily from the front and James and Sirius from the back. So no, he wouldn't see the blood until he went over there, and he didn't hear the Sectumsempra since it was used nonverbally.

crockywock	2007.09.22 - 08:05AM	24: Memory	Signed
Okay, I just read one of the reviews and have to say that while I had similar feelings about the chapter, I definitely got the impression that the experience was humiliating for Severus. You portray him as someone who doesn't like such scenes in front of crowds and for me, all it takes is that one sentence in which he considers that to make clear how much he hates the situation. Overall, though, I have to say that this is the first chapter, which I do not really like the way it is. Judging from what I've read so far, I am convinced that you could do a lot better with the mixing of your story and canon. One way to achieve this would be by choosing your Snape as the only focaliser. The parts from the books are always a good read as they are, of course, but from how the story works, it would have made a lot sense to hear the complete scene from your Snape's point of view, or at least the largest part of it. You write Lily's reactions beautifully and Remus's observations are spot on, but we really don't need all of them. I am almost sure you noticed yourself that you meet considerate narration problems if you try and list everyone's reactions to crucial scenes, as in "Well, said James... it's more the fact that he exists...; And the fact that he's outduelled you... thought Remus...; Oh, clever, Potter, thought Severus; Pathetic, thought Lily...; Words, thought Severus,..." I think you would gain a lot here from making a definite decision about who you want to use as a focaliser and stick with it. You can always show reactions on people's face instead of giving their thoughts. There was one passage, by the way, where canon (and you) used "Snape", because JKR always does, but you use Severus everywhere else so that the former feels oddly out of place there. On the topic of Severus's intentions - I am one of those who think he followed the Marauders unintentionally to the lake, but that is a matter of opinion. Although it does seem weird why your (usually very perceptive Snape) is suddenly not able to foresee this attack and defend himself. I think I understand your reasoning, but it might be worth a try showing it even more or showing how he is having an extremely bad day or something. If you did choose to have him follow the Marauders unintentionally, you would have room for writing an entire line of his own thoughts (concerning something entirely else, maybe the exam) with merely occasional interruptions from canon proceedings. If you don't, I'd still say we need a lot more from inside Severus here and as little as possible of what we already know. I strongly suggest not copying and pasting, if that's what you did. It always, always gives you a break in narration. Regarding individual passages, I didn't quite understand why Flitwick would pretend to be knocked over. I can imagine him being a humorous person who would just do that kind of thing, but this would have to occur in other places as well so that it doesn't feel incongruent. "Lily said, annoyed, but unable to completely suppress a smile." This is an example of something you do quite often and which I notice because I've had to be pointed to the fact that I do it myself. In real life it is often the case that particularly girls don't feel they have "the right" to be angry somehow. This results in them smiling and laughing a lot (not unsincerely, but really) although they are really pissed. In sentences like the one above, I think, this behaviour sneaks into one's writing. Have a look at some of your passages where a character (male or female) is annoyed and check if they smile nevertheless. I think I've seen you do it quite often, but I might be mistaken - as with anything I point out, of course. "Correctly done, the Disarming Spell should knock the awnd into the hands of the caster." YES! This one's great! Also, as I said, "Potter and his gang had never attacked him in front of such a crowd before" is pure mary. This is where I recognise your Snape in the canon scene. Lily's prefect reaction: spot on! You need a paragraph behind "Leave him ALONE!", though. Otherwise it looks as though Severus is saying it. :D As was mentioned before: Levicorpus being Sev's idea and him knowing the counter curse is spot on, as is the observation that he still had his wand. I am wondering if he isn't inhibited by the fact that his robes fall over his face and therefore can't act. It might be worth showing an actual moment of helplessness with Sev here instead of distracting reflections on Lily's behaviour. Show his reaction to Snivellus, don't say it "how could she have said something like that to her?" Much of this chapter feels like you copying canon and then writing reactions to it... it feels too fanficy - in a negative sense. I'd like to see your own writing - and I know this is difficult when there is a canon scene to follow. :D But I trust you completely there. Actually, reading the rest, a shared narration between Lily and Sev might do nicely. This is their moment. Those are the two whose inner reactions to the proceedings are the most interesting. Gosh, gotta go again. More later. Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Crocky! I haven't been quite happy with the way this came out either, and you give me some good ideas as to why. This is the only place in the story where I do, indeed, cut and paste from canon.

rambkowalczyk	2006.07.29 - 09:33AM	24: Memory	Anonymous
Since I accept in cannon that this is Snape's worse memory, I felt there was something missing in your version. Your version doesn't seem to have Snape humiliated enough. I think this is partly because it probably is difficult to write a story from a humiliated person's point of view. Snape seemed too confidant and not angry or frustrated enough. I also have mixed feelings that Snape was deliberately following James. If he was he should have been better prepared for the attack. He would not have let himself get distracted by checking over his notes if he thought there was a chance that James would do something. On the other hand it would be like Snape canon to try to eavesdrop on the four and try to get them in trouble. Although Snape lost his wand he did seem relatively quick in his defense. I actually had to check the book to verify that Snape had his wand when James flipped him both times. Excellant observation. It does explain how Snape got out of the situation (and that Harry would never have really noticed; I didn't.) Author's Response: Glad to see you back,rambkowalczyk. As you noted from the next chapter, I think this was a humiliating incident for Snape, but I'm actually not making a judgement as to whether it qualified as Snape's "worst." Maybe it was, and maybe it wasn't. I do think it is the "worst" of Snape's memories involving Harry's father that Harry could have seen, and that Snape meant Harry to see it. I think that what threw Snape off the most about the attack was that there was such a crowd. I've tried to establish that the Marauders didn't attack when there were too many people around. So Snape was expecting an attack, although he was always generally prepared for one. I should make that more clear. I was rather proud of noticing that about the wands. After we found out the Levicorpus was Snape's spell, and that he knew the counter, once I realized Snape still had his wand, it was obvious to wonder why he didn't just get himself down. The first time, there wouldn't have been time. But the second time, there definitely was. Author's Response: That should have read: "So Snape was NOT expecting an attack, although he was always generally prepared for one." Wish I could edit these responses after posting, or at least preview before posting.

Laurabeth	2006.07.18 - 02:28PM	24: Memory	Anonymous
Found you through the multifaceted listings, and I have to say that I'm hooked. There are so many marauder-era fics about the Gryffindors, but I seldom see any about Slytherin characters. That, and the fact that Snape is just a fascinating character make this great fun to read. I like the characterization you've given to Slytherin house, that of having ranking members within each year, etc. Poor Severus, at the mercy of whomever is reigning. I have a similar fic that I'm working on over at FictionAlley, focusing on Lucius rather than Severus, and you've given me lots to think about =) I look forward to reading the rest! Author's Response: Thanks for your review. I'm trying to figure out Snape, and that means understanding Slytherins. I believe he's a true Slytherin through and through, not a misplaced Ravenclaw or someone who doesn't quite fit anywhere but fits there better than elsewhere. And I also believe "Slytherin" does not equal "evil." So I've had to tease out what I think Slytherin values really mean. Hope you continue to enjoy the story.

Iva1201	2006.07.12 - 05:32AM	24: Memory	Signed
Wow, wow, wow. I really like this. No, LOVE it. I read the first two thirds sometimes in May and now I have come back and I have to admire your work. You have made it possible that the nice boy of your imagination will join Death Eaters. In the same time you allowed Dumbledore to see him also from his original good side which may influence him in the future "giving the second chance" to Severus. Wow once again. Thank you also for including all the hints of the canon plot including Florence and completing og this worst memory scene. Both were great. The only thing I really don't get is how you want to send Severus to Whomping Willow if he knows about Lupin. But well, you have wonderful imagination and I am really looking forward to read it from your pen. (-: I hope this will go on at least to Halloween 1981 - but it would be great if you write also about Harry's years at Hogwarts. Author's Response: Thank you for your very kind review. I am planning on taking this through Voldemort's first fall, Halloween 1981. I'm working on the werewolf/Shrieking Shack incident right now.

greenwood	2006.07.07 - 01:03AM	24: Memory	Anonymous
Really good story! I have finally stepped into it and read the whole thing in one go. Well done. You have a good preception of what it might be like in the Snakes den! The relationships between the boys in that house are like old royal court. You blended the the cannon books well and I like the way you painted the Snape and Prince family. Well done so far and I really look forward to more chapters. Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you're liking the story. I'm trying to describe the Slytherins with as much complexity as the Gryffindors, and it sounds like I'm succeeding. I'm working out the whole werewolf incident now.

TWZRD	2006.07.06 - 04:22AM	24: Memory	Anonymous
I like the bit about Peter getting stage fright on tests, and also your idea that Lily was more obligated by her prefect status than real concern (or was she? : -) ). I remembered the dialogue as "What's he ever done to you?" , but will take your word for it. I have my own theories about the possibility of inaccuracies in magically retrieved memories since book six. Nice resolution with the scar remedy. I rather imagined it differently, but have no problem with your angle. Can't wait to see how Snape gets "traded". Nice chapter! Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I think that though Peter was not as talented as James or Sirius, he was still a quite competent wizard. After all, he was able to become an animagus. I'd like to hear your theories on inaccuracies in magically retrieved memories. Could you email me?

Riposto	2006.07.01 - 11:11PM	24: Memory	Signed
I agree with Peachy. I don't see how this could reallybe Snape's worst memory. This interpretation of the incident is completely outside of any other I've read - original and intriguing. Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I go back and forth as to whether this was one of Snape's worst memories, but in this story, I don't think it is. I do think it is a memory that Snape wanted Harry to see.

EXECUTR	2006.07.01 - 09:34PM	24: Memory	Signed
I like your version of this little episode. Nicly done. Author's Response: Thanks for your review. Glad you like it!

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