I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

~**~

Severus Snape sat on the edge of a dingy bed in the room he had rented in the Leaky Cauldron hours ago. He had slipped in earlier, taken a hot shower and shaved. A wizened old witch had returned his laundry--the same robes he’d worn the day he’d entered Azkaban prison--an hour earlier. He’d pulled them on and ran a comb through his long, wet hair before collapsing onto the bed.

He sat there now, rolling Camilla’s wedding ring between his thumb and forefinger. It no longer sparkled the way it did when he had first placed it on her finger. It was dull and dirty now, no longer suitable for her.

He sat there in silence, wondering what he should do. The new Minister of Magic, Percy Weasley, had granted him a full pardon the day he took office. The young Minister had, for many years, believed that Severus had been treated unfairly, used as a scapegoat so that the Ministry could avoid public scrutiny. Weasley attended every day of Severus’ trial and vehemently opposed its outcome. He saw the evidence; Severus Snape was a war hero. He had done what was necessary, what Dumbledore had asked him to do.

Weasley told Severus he was now free. He would never again have to return to Azkaban. But Severus had served seven years there, watched his life and his hope drift further away as the days passed by. He knew that Camilla was out there somewhere, but he was not certain she would want him back in her life after all this time.

Severus pulled from his robes a small slip of parchment, onto which Percy Weasley had scrawled Camilla’s address.

“Go home,” the Minister had said, pressing the parchment into Severus’ palm.

Home.

Severus wondered if there was such a place for a man like him.

~**~

I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

~**~

Severus stood paralyzed in front of the tiny white bungalow, a wave of panic rushing over him. An internal battle was raging inside—one part of him was screaming to get away, to run from this place before he made a terrible mistake. The other, more sensible part reminded him that there was nowhere else to go and, if he were honest with himself, nowhere else he’d rather be.

He stared blankly at a row of limp and dying daffodils lining the house and imagined his wife kneeling in the dirt, attempting to coax the flowers out of this sad existence, yet failing miserably, as she did when she attempted to cook. A small smile pulled at the corners of his mouth at the image, but it was soon replaced with a crushing weight on his chest and a stinging sensation in his eyes.

What was he thinking coming here? It had been too long; too much had changed. What made him think she would even want to see him? It had been seven years since he’d been sent away. She had written him habitually, yet he had failed to return a single letter. He had refused to see her when she came to visit, too ashamed to let her see him in such a wretched state. And now he was standing in front of her house, about to crash into her world without notice or permission. If he truly loved her, he would walk away now and never look back.

With a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, he turned his back on the house. He was about to head for the Apparition point when a voice stopped him dead in his tracks. It was coming from the back of the house—warm, melodic, a voice that had spoken his name so lovingly in another life. He was drawn to it, his legs moving almost of their own volition toward her.

He crept around the house to the backyard. He concealed himself behind a tall oak tree and stole a glimpse of her. She was standing by the back door, her hands on her hips and her jaw clenched. Her hair was considerably shorter, brushing her shoulders now. She was dressed comfortably in a black jumper, jeans, and no shoes.

“Amelia!” she called, her nostrils flaring slightly. “I know you’re out here.”

Severus was suddenly overcome with a powerful urge to run and pull her into his arms. He wanted her to know he still loved her, that rarely did a second go by where she wasn’t in his thoughts. He wanted to tell her he had been a fool for pushing her away, that he couldn’t live without her. But he did none of these things; perhaps he was a coward after all.

“Amelia Iris Snape,” Camilla shouted, “if you do not come here right now, I will send you to bed without dinner!”

Severus’ breath caught in his throat as a little girl with long, black hair poked her head around the side of the house. “Are you cooking?” she asked, a sour expression on her round little face.

“Not funny,” Camilla said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Come here, young lady.”

Amelia stomped across the yard and stood in front of her mother, staring defiantly up at her. Severus noticed her knees were caked with mud and her dress had smears of dirt across the front of it.

Camilla shook her head. “You are filthy. What in the world were you doing?”

“Digging for worms,” Amelia replied.

“Worms?” Camilla asked, her nose wrinkling.

“Yes,” Amelia responded. “Uncle Jon said he would take me fishing tomorrow.”

Camilla rolled her eyes. “Did he now? Well, I’ll have to thank Uncle Jon for ruining your dress, then, won’t I?”

Amelia shrugged her shoulders. “I hate dresses anyway,” she muttered.

“All right,” said Camilla with a sigh, “let’s get you cleaned up. Uncle Jon will be here soon.”

Amelia squealed and clapped her hands. Camilla smiled down at her and opened the door, ushering her daughter inside.

As the door clicked shut, Severus exhaled slowly and leaned against the tree trunk. He had known about Amelia from Camilla’s letters, but seeing her… Even covered in mud, his daughter was the most stunning sight Severus had ever seen. She was precocious, obviously, and had her mother’s stubborn streak, he mused with a smile. But she had his hair, and from what he could see, his eyes as well. She was his child and, at that moment, he realized he could never love anyone more.

~**~

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

~**~

Severus stood behind that tree for a long time. Through the large picture window, he watched Jon arrive, accompanied by a woman with auburn hair holding a wiggling baby boy in her arms. Amelia jumped up and down at the sight of Jon, who promptly swept her up into his arms and began chatting with her. Severus’ stomach clenched at the sight. His daughter obviously loved Jon, and yet, she did not even know her own father. He was a stranger to her, and it made him ache to think about it.

Soon, the young family departed, leaving Camilla and Amelia alone. Camilla used her wand to clean up the kitchen, and then took Amelia’s hand and led her to the back of the house. Severus imagined his wife putting Amelia to bed. Did she sing to her? Gods, he hoped not. She probably told the child a story. Perhaps Camilla told her about her father. He wondered how much Amelia knew about him. How do you tell a child so young the reason for her father’s absence?

He sighed and rested his head against the tree. Now that he had seen them, he knew he could not walk away. He longed to be in their lives, to make up for all the time he’d lost with them. But he also knew he could not simply knock on the door and expect to be let into their lives. He didn’t belong there, and his presence would send their world into chaos.

A clap of thunder ripped him from his reverie. He looked up as the sky opened up and rain began to pour down upon him, soaking him to the bone. He swore under his breath and wrapped his cloak around him, shivering. Something warm and furry rubbed against his leg and Severus jumped back.

A drenched and sad-looking black cat meowed mournfully up at him.

“Go away,” he hissed, nudging the cat with his boot. But the cat refused to go. Instead, it went back to rubbing against Severus’ legs. He took out his wand, intending to petrify or Stun the animal, when the back door opened.

Camilla stepped outside, clutching a shawl around her shoulders. “Merlin,” she called. “Come here.”

The cat looked up disinterestedly at Camilla and began licking his paw. Severus tried to nudge it toward Camilla, but the cat refused to move. It stared up at Severus and then let out a loud cry.

“Merlin?” Camilla called.

Severus scooped the cat up into his arms and cast a silencing charm on it. The cat didn’t seem to mind; it began to purr and knead his claws against Severus’ chest.

“Bloody cat,” Camilla muttered, tiptoeing through the yard and glancing around. “If you weren’t Amelia’s, I’d leave you out here to drown.”

Severus backed into the tree and held his breath. She walked past him and stood with her back turned to him, surveying the yard. Then, without warning, she turned around.

Her gaze fell upon Severus standing there, soaking wet, holding her cat in his arms. Her eyes narrowed in confusion and then her mouth fell open and her hands flew up to her face.

Severus dropped the cat, who streaked toward the door and disappeared inside through a small flap. He approached Camilla slowly.

“Severus?” she said, looking up at him as if he were an apparition or something she had dreamed.

He nodded and stared down at her, drinking her in. She was so close now, her hair dripping wet and clinging to her cheeks, her brown eyes wide with amazement. He reached out and cupped her face in his hands, sweeping his thumb over her damp cheek.

Tears began to fill her eyes as she opened her mouth to speak. He placed his index finger over her lips and shook his head. Then he leaned in and kissed her. She whimpered softly and pulled him closer to her, wrapping her arms around him. He kissed her with all the longing that came from years of being apart. He showered her face with kisses and then wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his chest.

“Oh God,” she whispered. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I’m sorry for staying away for so long,” he responded, holding her tightly to him.

She pulled back and stared up at him. “How…?”

He shook his head in disbelief. “A Ministry pardon. I don’t really understand it.”

A wide grin spread across Camilla’s face. “So, you’re here to stay?”

His head lowered. “If you’ll have me.”

“Of course I’ll have you! Why wouldn’t I?”

“I pushed you away. I refused to see you. I never returned your letters. That is unforgivable. I don’t expect you to let me back into your life. Nevertheless, I had to see you one last time.”

“Severus,” she said softly, taking his face in her hands, “I can’t begin to imagine what it was like for you in there. I know you thought you were protecting me by keeping your distance. I don’t blame you for that. But I also knew that one day you’d come back to me. And now that you’re here, I’m never letting you go.”

“I don’t deserve you,” he said, planting a light kiss on her lips.

She smiled. “Let’s go inside,” she said, taking his hand and pulling him toward the door.

He stopped as she reached for the handle. “I don’t want Amelia to see me like this,” he said, looking down at his muddy boots and soaked robes.

“Don’t worry,” Camilla assured him. “She’s asleep. The entire house could fall down around her and she wouldn’t wake up. Besides,” she said with a mischievous smile, “I’ve got to get you out of these wet clothes.”

Severus felt the first genuine smile in years spread slowly across his face. “I cannot argue with that logic,” he said huskily, pushing the door open and following her inside.

They peeled off their wet clothing and held each other, enjoying the warmth of each other’s bodies so close. She smiled up at him lovingly and he knew that at last, he was home.



~Fin~

---

A/N:

1. What can I say? This little story of mine started with a teeny plot bunny and just grew and grew from there. It has truly been so rewarding to write and I'm just as sad as you that it had to end. I hope you are happy with the way it turned out. I was tempted to leave them in misery, but after all I've put them through, I decided they deserved a "happily ever after" kind of ending after all.

2. I have a lot of people to thank. My online friends at a private HP forum have been so supportive. I would have never dreamed of posting this in an archive if they hadn't told me it was halfway decent.

3. My betas, whom I have dishonored by not giving them credit, deserve many applause. So, LariLee and Seventh_Child, THANK YOU! You both have made my writing improve by leaps and bounds.

4. The song lyrics in this epilogue are from Daughtry's "Home." It's a beautiful song and I think it is very fitting for this ending.

5. I have no plans for a sequel. I don't want to ruin a good thing. I miss Snape and Camilla terribly, as I've been done with this fic officially for a couple months now. I may write a couple of one shots with them, but don't count on anything.

6. Lastly, I want to thank all my readers. You guys have really made posting here worthwhile. I really look forward to reviews more than you know. It's just really nice to know people appreciate and value my work. Thank you!!!