Home | Members | Help | Submission Rules | Log In |
Recently Added | Categories | Titles | Completed Fics | Random Fic | Search | Top Fictions
SS/Canon > Het

The Moment It Began by sindie11 [Reviews - 2]

<< >>

Would you like to submit a review?


Severus remained at Lily's bedside well into the night. When sleep finally claimed her, he watched, a calm expression on his face, as her eyes drifted shut, and her breathing was soft and peaceful.

Madam Pomfrey joined Severus, but he kept his eyes on Lily, hoping to continue to see an improvement in her condition. As the matron's robes rustled at Severus's side, he heard her speak.

"She is doing well."

Nodding, Severus murmured, "Yes." He reached with a couple of fingers and brushed them across Lily's forehead, feeling her temperature. "She's still weak, but she will recover fully in a few days."

"Until then, you ought to get some sleep, Severus," Madam Pomfrey gently admonished.

"I will. Just give me a few more minutes," Severus replied, not taking his eyes off Lily.

Truth be told, he was afraid to leave her. Severus had already explained everything to Lily: from being struck with the Catatonia Curse by Lestrange to taking three days to find the cure. He had remained silent about the Horcruxes, however.

Madam Pomfrey left without another word, allowing Severus's mind to whirl about in hopes of what to do regarding the Horcruxes. Hindsight was truly a valuable thing, Severus now realized. He had so many pieces to the puzzle before, but he simply hadn't known exactly how Voldemort had kept himself alive.

Of course, the Dark Lord had boasted to his faithful followers on several occasions that he had taken certain precautions to protect himself against death, but he had never revealed his secrets.

All the professors knew of Tom Riddle's diary and how it had possessed Ginny Weasley, feeding off her life force. The incident in the Chamber of Secrets couldn't be easily ignored. Severus clearly remembered seeing the Sword of Gryffindor lying next to a destroyed ring, the very ring which had blackened Dumbledore's hand. Most glaringly obvious now was Harry Potter himself. Dumbledore hadn't actually told Severus that Harry had been a Horcrux, but he might as well have. At the time, Severus had thought a part of Voldemort's soul had merely latched itself onto Harry accidentally. Because of Dumbledore's refusal to be completely honest with him, Severus had never known the whole story, had never seen the entire picture... until now.

Staring at Lily, Severus wondered if the Sword of Gryffindor held the power to destroy Horcruxes. That had been why Dumbledore had requested - no, practically demanded - even after death, that Severus obey him and deliver the sword to Harry Potter.

But if Potter had needed the sword while he was roaming the countryside, then surely that would mean the Dark Lord had had additional Horcruxes besides just the ring and the diary.

This realization struck Severus, and his earlier feeling of triumph at having finally figured out the truth about Voldemort's attempt at invincibility dissipated. The gravity of the situation didn't surprise Severus, however. He knew how afraid Voldemort was of death. Surely he would have been preparing his protection for years before he even attempted the attack on the Potters. But how many Horcruxes did the evil bastard have, and what were they all?

Severus sighed.

That's what Dumbledore was sharing with Potter during his final year at Hogwarts... information he never felt he could trust to share with me, Severus thought bitterly.

At the moment, one of the figures who was in his thoughts entered the infirmary. Dumbledore immediately took notice of Severus and walked toward him.

"Madam Pomfrey told me you were successful in curing Lily," Dumbledore stated quietly.

Severus gave a stiff nod.

Against Severus's unspoken wishes, Dumbledore pulled a chair up next to the young man and sat.

"You have done well, my boy," Dumbledore went on to say. "Even for you, Severus, I must admit - I am impressed."

"What do you really want, sir?" Severus asked without preamble, his voice wary and worn.

"There is, actually, something I've been meaning to discuss with you, Severus, but I believe it would be best if we were in the privacy of my office."

"Why should I go with you?" Severus questioned, now irritated. "Whatever it is, surely it can wait-"

"You know as well as I do that this has gone undiscussed long enough," Dumbledore said sternly.

Had Severus been a child, he maybe would have squirmed under the headmaster's scrutiny, but instead, his shields only went up further.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Severus lied, looking Dumbledore directly in the eyes, daring him to try and read his mind.

Severus felt a brief nudge at his mind, but then Dumbledore sighed, diverting his blue-eyed gaze. "What is it, Severus? Fear? You have done so much good for the Order and for Lily... for me as well, even though you are loath to admit it. How much longer will we play this game?"

"I never said it was a game, sir," Severus replied smoothly.

"Perhaps it is time we worked together more instead of separately," Dumbledore continued, but Severus knew the old man was trying to break him, trying to flatter him into submission.

Severus glanced at Lily and recalled the day Dumbledore had tried to read her mind. While Dumbledore had always been intuitive and shrewd, Severus was beginning to wonder if the aged wizard truly knew more than he was letting on. At that thought, Severus felt his insides go cold.

"You must promise to leave Lily out of this," Severus stated.

"As you wish," Dumbledore replied. "Shall we, then?"

Severus stood, his face an impassive mask to hide all the different emotions just beneath the surface. A part of him wished to simply take Lily and run and get as far away from the old man as possible, but Severus knew he was already in too deep. He was too far involved in the war to turn away now. Besides, the last thing he was was a coward.

Severus followed Dumbledore through the empty corridors, his mind turning in all directions. How long had Dumbledore known? It was true that Severus thought that Dumbledore had suspected something, but now that the moment was here, revealing the truth was not something Severus wished to do at all. Telling Lily, the woman he loved, had been the exception. No one else needed to know his secrets.

Once they reached the headmaster's office and were seated, Dumbledore watched Severus from across his desk. Severus wondered why the headmaster was deliberating.

"We're here," Severus said softly. "What is it you've been burning to ask me, Dumbledore? I told you this isn't a game, yet you seem to relish in making it so. Let me make myself plain right now, sir. I will not indulge your twisted desire at being the master of the chessboard."

"You seem to have had a rather negative image of me for some time, Severus," Dumbledore said mildly. "Have I done something to insult you?"

Severus would have hoped this question was Dumbledore's reason for calling him up here, that what needed to be discussed so desperately was a misunderstanding at best or a difference in views at worst, but Severus wasn't going to be taken by any of Dumbledore's antics.

"That is not what this is about," Severus stated. "Ask your question, Dumbledore."

"Very well."

Severus expected the headmaster's bearded lips to move, but they remained still. Instead, Dumbledore waved his hands as if summoning something. Severus heard the cupboard behind him open and watched as the Pensieve drifted out and landed on the headmaster's desk. Dumbledore proceeded to bring his wand to his temple and withdraw a silvery strand of memory and place it into the Pensieve.

"Take a look," Dumbledore offered, as if he were showing Severus a new curio.

Severus stood from his chair and gazed down into the contents of the Pensieve. He didn't need to enter them to see clearly what the memory contained, for it was only a single memory, not a plethora that would obscure the image by merely looking down on it from the outside. What he observed almost made his heart stop for a second time.

What he witnessed in the memory was his heart stopping.

His death.

Unable to keep the natural and instantaneous shock from showing, Severus recoiled from the Pensieve and immediately grew defensive.

"How dare you invade Lily's mind like that," Severus hissed. "You had no right, no right-"

Dumbledore held up a hand to silence his young comrade. "Severus, please... sit."

"Why should I do anything you say?" Severus implored, narrowing his eyes at the old man. "There is nothing left to say."

With that, Severus turned and went for the exit. Upon reaching it, however, he found that he was locked in.

Not bothering to look at Dumbledore, Severus nearly whispered, "Let me out." His voice was low and menacing.

"I do not think that would be prudent, Severus."

Severus reached for his wand, unsure of what he would do with it.

"You do not want to do that, Severus," Dumbledore said in a far too placid tone. "From what I have seen in this memory, it would seem obvious what is going on here. I must say, I am surprised that such a thing is even possible, but history has recorded rare cases where it was believed a man was reliving his life... although without a Pensieve, it was difficult to tell in the past."

"Do not pretend to understand anything about me," Severus hissed, now fully turning around and glowering heavily at Dumbledore, who remained nonplussed. "Raising my wand at you now wouldn't be the first time."

Severus kept every wall firmly in place. The rational part of him wasn't sure why he had just said what he had, but his emotions were falling quickly out of check. Still, he wouldn't let Dumbledore see into his mind. He just wouldn't.

When Dumbledore didn't speak, Severus said again, "Let me out."

"I have known for some time now, Severus, so an explanation is not truly necessary. It is obvious to me now, after all, that you are, in fact, reliving your life. I had my suspicions about you starting about three years ago. You made a large shift in your life. Just as you were nearly fully immersed in the Dark Arts and befriending future Death Eaters, you suddenly made a remarkable change toward the side of Light. You not only changed your values, it would seem, but you surely recall how you helped several other students during your final year by preparing them for battle. You were proving yourself to be a strong ally, although why you wouldn't warm to me, I did not understand. I am left to assume that something unfortunate must have passed between us in another life. I should like to know what it was, Severus, so that I might not make the same mistake again."

When Dumbledore finished speaking, his words were tired and heavy. While the headmaster had been uttering his sentiments, Severus had turned away again. He felt his shoulders marginally dropping. He was exhausted from the past few days, both mentally and physically, and was finding it difficult to keep his resolve much longer. Severus hated himself for letting his guard down, but as he revolved to face Dumbledore, he purposefully kept his eyes on the floor.

"How can you demand I tell you anything when you have been trying to sneak into my mind and my wife's mind like a thief? How can I trust you? You- you claimed to have trusted me before... in my other life, that is, but in the end, I saw you for what you were. You were the grand master, the puppeteer who plays with his pieces and puts them all in a row, just as you would want them. You never told me the truth before, and when you did reveal most of it, it was too late and still full of lies. You had lied to me for years. You used me. You didn't care a whit about me. All you cared about was achieving your goal. I was nothing but another means to an end for you."

Your end.

"Then help me to understand better, Severus. You aren't giving me much to work with, but if I knew, as I told you, perhaps we could set it right now and avoid it happening again... whatever was so horrible that you are refusing to tell me."

Dumbledore's voice was soothing, almost gentle, and to most, his hypnotic tone would have worked, but just as Dumbledore thought Severus was relaxing, the young man flinched as if struck and glared at him.

"I trusted you!" Severus yelled. "I thought you at least trusted me, too! I put everything I had in your bloody trust, but I was never to be anything to you other than a tool for you to use! I'm not making the same mistake again. I can take care of Lily and myself without your help. I saved her, not you! At least this time I was able to do something about it!"

The words had already left Severus's mouth before he realized what he had spoken. Dumbledore gazed upon him with sorrow, now beginning to understand better the man in front of him.

"What happened to Lily, Severus?"

"Don't talk about Lily!" Severus bellowed. "I told you to leave her out of this! Now, let me go with the last shred of my dignity-"

Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "You lost her, didn't you?" he asked quietly. "You were friends with the wrong crowd and followed down the path many of them took, and your friendship with Lily was tragically ended. But that is not all, is it, Severus? She died in the war, didn't she?"

Severus hated how Dumbledore could figure things out with so little to go on. Completely enraged and having no control over himself, Severus raised his wand and shattered all of Dumbledore's trinkets in one motion.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK ABOUT LILY!" he screamed. "YOU KNOW NOTHING! NOTHING!"

"Severus!" Dumbledore called, trying to get the young wizard's attention. "Calm yourself!"

"Why should I?" Severus demanded. "You've made me your prisoner-"

"Severus, I am sorry," Dumbledore implored. "I am even sorry for my sins from another life, things I haven't even done to you in this life. Whatever happened, I should hope you believe me when I say it was never my intention to bring you to harm, to bring you pain."

"That's a load of rubbish," Severus sneered. "When I needed your compassion, your understanding, you used Lily against me. You taunted me with the remembrance of her. You had the audacity to shed a couple of tears years later when you finally believed and realized that I had never once stopped loving her. Did you think so little of me not to trust me all those years? Is it because I was placed in Slytherin? You know what you told me once? 'I sometimes think we Sort too soon.' Was being Sorted into Slytherin not good enough by your golden Gryffindor standards?"

"Severus, surely- What you speak of are not things that have come to pass in my life as I know it. I have already apologized for my counterpart's treatment of you. I'm sorry you looked up to me and that I disappointed you, but, Severus, I am not perfect. Too many people glorify me as some sort of idol to be worshipped and forget that I, too, have faults. Clever and powerful though I am, I was not always so right in my way of thinking... and from what you are saying, it would seem I was not so wise in my eldest years, either."

"No, you weren't," Severus shot back.

Dumbledore sighed deeply. "Nothing can be done about the past, Severus. You have already overcome so much, and without even knowing the details of your other existence, I am sure of this. Am I correct in saying, for example, that you actually used your previous knowledge of events to save the Bones family?"

Severus gave a jerky nod. "Before you even think about recruiting me to be your fortune teller, you should know that things have drastically changed. Even if I did know everything that would happen, why should I confide in you? I don't need your assistance to help the cause for Light."

"But together is better than apart, Severus," Dumbledore argued. "Why did you join the Order of the Phoenix if you believed I were nothing but a grand manipulator? Did you think, perhaps, that in numbers we would be more successful than alone?"

"My reasons are not important. All you need to know is that I wish to see You-Know-Who brought down just as much as you or anyone in the Order."

"That is, indeed, a common goal we share. Is there anything you know that might be of assistance where Voldemort is concerned?"

Severus paused, considering for a minute what to say. He was still trying to figure out how their conversation had gone from him shouting in distrust to speaking almost calmly. As much as Severus was loath to confide anything in Dumbledore, he knew that the headmaster had been instrumental in finding out important information about the Horcruxes before. Bringing about an end to Voldemort without Harry Potter in the world was a team effort. Even with Harry, there had been several people involved.

Lily had told him that he didn't need to carry the burden alone of destroying Voldemort. Severus realized anew that he had certain advantages over Dumbledore this time around. He wouldn't need to be so dependent on the man, but telling Dumbledore about the Horcruxes was bigger than a personal problem.

"You-Know-Who is protecting himself from death," Severus stated. "With Horcruxes."

"I see," Dumbledore replied, not seeming too surprised. "I had suspected he would take measures to ensure his protection. Horcruxes, you say? That is a rare and dangerous method, but he has no doubt killed enough people to rip his soul. Do you know what objects he may have used?"

"There is a diary... and a ring." Severus described the items to Dumbledore. "You destroyed the ring with the Sword of Gryffindor, and the diary- it was destroyed by another."

"Who?" Dumbledore asked.

"That doesn't matter," Severus stated, not wishing to get into Harry Potter and the prophecy, as that would lead him back down a bitter and angry path.

Dumbledore sat in his chair, stroking his beard in thought. He was staring ahead at nothing in particular.

Severus noticed the time and would have heard the clock ticking had he not shattered it with all of Dumbledore's other trinkets.

"May I go now?" Severus asked witheringly. "Are you content that you've gotten the truth and thus something else to hold above my head?"

"I will not hold it above your head, Severus. I intend to keep your secret just that: a secret. Should I betray you, you shall have a right to do whatever you wish to me."

Even kill you? he wondered ironically, but Severus wasn't serious. His humor was dark.

"Good night, Severus."

Severus went toward the door and found it unlocked. His turned the knob and stepped onto the stairs.

"It's about bloody time," Severus mumbled. Glaring at Dumbledore, he said with warning in his voice, "You had better not betray my trust, Dumbledore."

The Moment It Began by sindie11 [Reviews - 2]

<< >>

Disclaimers
Terms of Use
Credits

Copyright © 2003-2007 Sycophant Hex
All rights reserved