After finishing at St. Mungo's that day in late July, Severus decided to take a detour to Diagon Alley to stock up on his potions stores. A quick foray into the apothecary fulfilled his wishes, and as he was walking down the main street, Severus passed a shop which sold all variety of magical devices. Usually, he ignored the shop's window, having no need for any such gadgets, thinking of Mad-Eye Moody's paranoid obsession with Dark Magic detectors, but in the window that day was an elaborate Pensieve, much like the one Dumbledore kept locked in his office. Severus stopped and stared the the device.

On impulse, he stepped into the shop and found the section where Pensieves were kept. They ranged in size and ornateness. Severus's mind whirled, and his stomach clenched. He knew why having a Pensieve suddenly appealed to him. Picking up a simple one, he gazed at the stone basin, examining it for any defects.

Most regrettably, one of the shop's attendants took that opportunity to interrupt him.

"May I help you, young man?" the older gentleman inquired.

Nearly dropping the Pensieve, Severus turned and glared at whoever was addressing him. He noted the man's disapproving look.

"Be careful. If you break it-"

"Yes, I know," Severus said curtly. "I was intending on purchasing this one, anyway, so your assistance is unnecessary. Thank you."

With those clipped words, and feeling even more on edge, Severus strode away from the man and toward the counter to purchase the bloody thing. He ignored the cashier's quizzical expression at his purchase and was on his way.

Upon reaching Spinner's End, Severus placed the Pensieve on the coffee table in the sitting room and took a seat on the couch. Sighing, he gazed down into the bare bottom. He knew what must be done, and without further deliberation, Severus closed his eyes, willing himself to recall old memories he had long since wished forgotten, and began extracting them, adding silvery thread after silvery thread to the basin. Apparently, any memory he had bestowed upon Harry Potter at his untimely demise had been fully restored, and whether for good or ill, only time would tell.

Severus avoided leaving the house that evening. Grateful Lily had her family to keep her company, Severus spent the rest of the evening and well into the night awake. He paced every room in the house. When he tried to sit and eat, even though he didn't feel hungry in the slightest, he pushed the plate away in distaste and stood again, returning to the Pensieve. Every so often, he would think of a memory he needed to add to the mix. He needed his story to be complete. If he were going to finally confess everything to Lily, she deserved to know it all. If he were going to marry her, she deserved all the more to know everything about his other life.

Severus was filled with anxiety and foreboding at the very thought of telling her, though. She would think him mental if he had merely tried to tell her with words, so the Pensieve was vital in the sharing. She would see everything. That couldn't be disputed. That many false memories couldn't be contrived.

What if she no longer wishes to marry you after she knows the truth? What if she even goes so far as to loathe you?

Severus wouldn't, couldn't, force her to love him in return. As much as it would tear him apart, he knew he couldn't continue to live a lie. For the first time in a long, long while, Severus wondered if he would have been better staying dead. What good was a new life, another chance, if he wasted it again?

When the sun finally rose, Severus wasn't surprised. He didn't expect to be blessed with any sleep that night, but one small mercy was that today was a Saturday. He looked at himself in the mirror for the first time in a day and realized he looked a fright. He was likely to scare Lily before even having a chance to talk with her or show her those memories.

He somehow managed a quick shower and a change of clothes. Forcing himself to eat breakfast didn't help, and ten minutes later, he was vomiting the eggs and toast into the toilet. Flushing the contents of his stomach away, Severus wished he could do the same with his previous life's memories. He had been a Death Eater, had been responsible for Lily's death, had spent years tormenting her son... How could she ever see beyond those awful things and see that he was a changed man?

Lily was due to come over any moment now. As was their custom on the weekend, they would spend the entire time together, from early morning until after sunset. No doubt Lily was planning on another blissful day together, but she had no idea what she would be entering upon knocking at Severus's door that day.

Severus practically jumped out of his skin when the knock finally came. It was crazy how something he always looked forward to could bring him such pain. A part of him said it wasn't too late. He could still hide the Pensieve and pretend everything was normal, but the larger part of him knew he would only be delaying the inevitable. Trying his best to compose himself, Severus approached the door and turned the knob.

Lily was standing there, offering him a wide and gorgeous smile. Her cheeks looked pink and warm, and her eyes glittered at him in the morning light.

"Hi, Sev," Lily greeted him, stepping toward the house.

Severus awkwardly stepped out of the way, letting her enter. He hesitated before taking her in his arms and murmuring, "Good morning, Lily."

When the embrace ended, Lily was giving Severus another concerned look, something she had been doing a lot lately.

"Sev, is something wrong?" she ventured.

"Lily, I... There's something I need to tell you."

Lily felt her stomach drop and her insides go cold. She didn't like the tone of his voice one bit.

"Is- is it the wedding?" she asked softly. "Are you having second thoughts? If you are, we can get married later." Her words were coming out faster and faster as she grew more nervous.

Severus silenced her with a finger pressed gently to her lips.

"No, Lily. I love you as much as I always have," he stressed. "Please come into the sitting room..."

Lily followed him into said room and immediately noticed the Pensieve sitting on the table.

Amazed in spite of herself, Lily stepped close to the basin and gazed down into its contents, unable to decipher any single memory, as there were too many.

"Is that- ?" she started to ask.

"Yes, it's a Pensieve," Severus said shakily. "When I told you I needed to tell you something, I decided it might be better if I show you."

Having only read about dipping into someone else's memories, Lily gaped. "What do you have to show me that you can't just tell me, Sev?" she whispered, a little frightened.

"I'll be with you, Lily... please," Severus almost begged. His eyes were starting to take on a glassy quality, and alarmed by his behavior, Lily took his hand.

"All right," she said steadily. "Whenever you're ready..."

Severus knew she was putting forth a strong front in the face of uncertainty. He grasped her hand harder than usual, and together, they entered the Pensieve...

"Leave him ALONE!" the Lily in the memory yelled.

The Severus in the memory glanced in the direction of her voice, and his black eyes settled upon her.

James and Sirius were also looking around. James's free hand jumped, much to Severus's dismay, to his hair. He purposefully messed it up.

"All right, Evans?" said James, trying to sound mature and impressive.

"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. She was looking at James with every sign of great dislike. "What's he done to you?"

"Well," said James, appearing to deliberate the point, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..."

Many of the surrounding watchers laughed, Sirius and Wormtail included, but Lupin, still apparently intent on his book, didn't, and neither did Lily.

"You think you're funny," she said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."

The real Severus chanced a glance at the real Lily and saw that she was amused by the memory, at least at this point because of her name-calling toward James.

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James quickly. "Go on... Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

The Impediment Jinx wearing off memory-Severus now. He inched toward his wand, spitting out soapsuds as he crawled.

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," said Lily.

Here, the real Lily actually laughed. "I sure told him, didn't I, Sev?"

Severus nodded mutely, his stomach turning over, knowing what was coming.

"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius briskly, turning back to memory-Severus. "OY!"

Severus had directed his wand straight at James, slashing his cheek. James recovered too quickly. Memory-Severus was now hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head, and his skinny, pallid legs and greying underpants were being displayed for the audience.

Many people in the small crowd watching cheered. Sirius, James, and Wormtail roared with laughter.

Memory-Lily's voice came again: "Let him down!"

"Certainly," said James, and he jerked his wand upward. Severus fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Disentangling himself from his robes, he got quickly to his feet, wand up, but Sirius said, "Locomotor mortis!" and Severus keeled over again at once, rigid as a board.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James earnestly.

"Take the curse off him, then!"

James sighed deeply, then turned to Severus and muttered the countercurse.

"There you go," he said, as Severus struggled to his feet again. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus -"

Then came the line Severus dreaded...

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

Memory-Lily blinked, as did the real Lily. The real Severus couldn't bear to meet her eyes and so stared at the ground, ashamed. He wanted to hex his old self to hell and back for that unforgivable comment.

"Fine," the Lily in the memory was saying coolly. "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."

"Wait a minute!" the real Lily interrupted. "I'd never call you that awful name, Sev, and you'd never called me a- a Mud-"

"Don't say that word. Please, Lily," Severus implored.

"But I don't understand," Lily said, perplexed. "That isn't what happened."

"Just wait a moment," Severus murmured distantly. "There's more you need to see yet."

The memory faded away, and they watched as memory-Severus stood outside the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. The memory-Lily stepped out of the portal, appearing hurt and dejected.

"I'm sorry."

Severus watched his pathetic attempt at an apology.

"I'm not interested."

He forced himself to keep watching. He didn't deserve forgiveness, but beside him, Lily took his hand.

"I'm sorry!"

Severus heard Lily gasp.

"Save your breath."

"Shut up, you!" the real Lily yelled at her counterpart. "Look at him! He's sorry, and you're being heartless."

The Lily in the memory continued on, oblivious to the other Lily.

"I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"

"Slipped out?" Lily asked without pity. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends - you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

Severus watched his dejected self open his mouth and close it without speaking.

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

"No - listen, I didn't mean-"

"-to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

Severus wished to punch his pitiful self for just standing there and not finding the words as Lily turned, glared at him, and stepped back through the portrait hole.

Severus watched the scene disappear in front of them, and he turned to watch Lily. Tears were streaming freely down her cheeks.

"Severus, what- ? I'd never do that to you! Abandon you like that, even if you had called me a Mudblood, which you never did. What kind of twisted perversion is this? What are you showing me? Was I Obliviated and no one told me?" Lily demanded.

"Something you must see to understand," Severus replied softly, and Lily saw that his face, too, was liberally lined with tears. "I would tell you more, but the next memory is coming, and it only gets worse. I hate myself for putting you through this, Lily; I do, but you must understand."

Before Lily could muster a reply, the scene changed once again. Lily watched in horror as the Severus in the memory bowed down before Lord Voldemort and graciously accepted the Dark Mark. The young man in front of her looked so much like the one standing next to her, only his hair was long like she had known it to be until recently. His face was set in stone and constantly cruel and hungry for power, and it scared Lily to her lowest depths.

The words exchanged between the other Severus and the Dark Lord were lost to her as she gazed upon the man standing next to her.

"Severus, please, you must tell me what this means," she begged, her voice breaking. "Take me away from this. Make it stop!"

"I'm sorry, Lily," Severus replied brokenly, "but I'm afraid you haven't seen the worst of it."

They were now witnessing Severus as he crept along a darkened hallway. Although Lily didn't know where they were, Severus knew all too well. He watched his other self in disgust and hatred as the young man pressed his ear to the door. From inside the room, Sibyll Trelawney was uttering the prophecy, and a moment later, Aberforth Dumbledore was roughly grabbing Severus by the collar, and the door to the room was open, a very startled Albus Dumbledore gazing at the young man who had been listening at the door.

"I was... I was just on my way," the Severus in the memory feebly offered. "I couldn't find the right room."

He hastily shrugged out of Aberforth's grip and ran out of the Hog's Head.

Lily was completely confused by this memory, but figuring she would know soon enough, as another memory always followed, she witnessed the most startling memory yet.

Severus appeared slightly older in this memory, and he was panting and turning on the spot wildly, his eyes huge and searching. His hair was flying about him madly.

A blinding light came, like lightning, and the memory-Severus was on his knees.

"Don't kill me!"

"That was not my intention."

Lily stepped closer, intrigued despite the darkness and wind all around them.

"Well, Severus?" Dumbledore asked. "What message does Lord Voldemort have for me?"

"No - no message - I'm here on my own account!"

Lily thought Severus appeared a little mad.

"I - I come with a warning - no, a request - please-"

Dumbledore flicked his wand, and silence fell around them, despite the continuing rustle of leaves.

"What request could a Death Eater make of me?"

"The - the prophecy... the prediction... Trelawney..."

"Ah, yes," said Dumbledore. "How much did you relay to Lord Voldemort?"

"Everything - everything I heard!" said Severus. "That is why - it is for that reason - he thinks it means Lily Evans!"

Here, Lily gasped and took a step back in shock.

"The prophecy did not refer to a woman," said Dumbledore. "It spoke of a boy born at the end of July-"

"You know what I mean! He thinks it means her son, he is going to hunt her down - kill them all-"

"If she means so much to you," said Dumbledore, "surely Lord Voldemort will spare her? Could you not ask for mercy for the mother, in exchange for the son?"

"I have - I have asked him-"

The real Severus cringed, despising himself. Lily choked back a sob.

"You disgust me," said Dumbledore with such contempt, and Severus didn't blame the old man. He was disgusted with his other self, with his current self. Lily was looking desperately between the two Severuses, wanting an answer.

"You do not care, then, about the death of her husband and child? They can die, as long as you have what you want?" Dumbledore was asking.

Memory-Severus said nothing and kept looking at Dumbledore.

"Hide them all, then," he finally croaked. "Keep her - them - safe. Please."

"And what will you give me in return, Severus?"

"In - in return?"

There was a long pause.

"Anything."

Horrified, Lily turned to Severus and angrily, desperately pounding at his chest.

"Severus, enough!" she bellowed, choking on sobs. "Is this something Dumbledore came up with? Is this a part of his twisted schemes you're always telling me about?"

Severus shook his head wordlessly, silent tears coursing down his cheeks. His eyes were transfixed on the broken heap of a man now in the chair in Dumbledore's office.

"I thought... you were going... to keep her... safe..."

"She and James put their faith in the wrong person," said Dumbledore. "Rather like you, Severus. Weren't you hoping that Lord Voldemort would spare her?"

Both the real Severus and memory-Severus's breathing were shallow.

"Her boy survives," said Dumbledore.

Severus sighed as he watched himself in anguish, knowing it was a lost cause to try to talk any sense into him at that stage.

"My son lives?" Lily whispered, confused. "A son I never had?"

"Her son lives," Dumbledore continued. "He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and color of Lily Evans's eyes, I am sure?"

"DON'T!" bellowed Severus in the memory. "Gone... dead..."

Lily literally jumped and whimpered, afraid.

"Is this remorse, Severus?"

"I wish... I wish I were dead..."

"No, you don't," Lily said gently, wishing to reach out to the young man suffering in the chair.

Severus blinked, his mouth open in admiration. He wanted to ask her how she could be so forgiving, so compassionate, even now.

"And what use would that be to anyone?" said Dumbledore coldly. "If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear."

Severus watched himself as he peered through a haze of pain, but he knew Dumbledore's words had reached him eventually.

"What - what do you mean?"

"You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son."

"He does not need protection. The Dark Lord has gone-"

"The Dark Lord will return, and Harry Potter will be in terrible danger when he does."

"Potter?" Lily asked.

Severus nodded. "You married him."

"What?"

But after a pause, the Severus in the memory gained control of himself and uttered, "Very well. Very well. But never - never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear... especially Potter's son... I want your word!"

"My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?" Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Severus's anguished face. "If you insist..."

"And I did," Severus murmured weakly as the scene dissolved.

"ENOUGH!" Lily suddenly shrieked. "This is madness! Utter madness! What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean? You are responsible f-for my death? But I'm not dead, Severus! I'm right here! Do you hear me? And what's this about me being married to James Potter and having a son with him? Tell me!"

Severus heard her, but what could he say? There was still more...

Severus wished to hold Lily, but she was a complete mess. Hiccupping, she blinked as she watched and listened to Dumbledore giving memory-Severus specific instructions about Harry Potter. They were in the headmaster's office once again, and Dumbledore was explaining in great detail how Lily's sacrifice had given Harry protection, Voldemort's Killing Curse rebounding upon himself, and a part of Voldemort's soul latching itself onto Harry.

"So the boy... the boy must die?" said Severus quiet calmly, but the real Severus knew he had been anything but.

"And Voldemort himself must do it, Severus. That is essential."

After a long silence, memory-Severus said, "I thought... all these years... that we were protecting him for her. For Lily."

The real Severus turned away in disgust at Dumbledore's words that followed, and Lily was horrified to hear the old man speak so prosaically about the boy who was supposed to be her son.

"You have kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?" memory-Severus demanded, horrified.

"Don't be shocked, Severus. How many men and women have you watched die?"

"Lately, only those whom I could not save," said Severus, and he stood. "You have used me."

"You have used him," Lily shot at Dumbledore's deaf ears.

"Meaning?"

"I have spied for you and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter's son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter -"

"But this is touching, Severus," said Dumbledore seriously. "Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?"

"For him?" shouted Severus. "Expecto Patronum!"

A beautiful silver doe erupted from the end of Severus's wand and landed on the office floor, bounded across the office, and out the window.

"After all this time?" Dumbledore asked, tears in his eyes.

"Always."

Severus felt his chest constrict. Had he now grown to care for Harry, even though he no longer existed?

Now, Lily was quietly sobbing into her hands, whether driven crazy or somehow actually touched by the past scene, Severus didn't know. He withdrew from her some, knowing he had no comfort to give.

One more memory remained...

A boy who looked remarkably like James Potter was leaning over a fallen figure on the floor of a shack. Withdrawing her hands from her face, Lily took a tentative step toward the pair.

The man on the floor was dying, weakly seizing the front of the boy's robes. A terrible rasping, gurgling noise came from the dying man, and Lily gasped, realizing she knew him.

"Take... it... Take... it..."

Silvery threads of memory were leaking out of the man's mouth, ears, and eyes, and suddenly, a bushy-haired girl appeared seemingly out of nowhere and thrust a flask into the boy's hands. The memories were placed inside it.

The man's hold on the boy slackened as he turned deathly white.

"Look... at... me..." he whispered.

Lily cried something incohorent in her sobs and reached out to the dead man on the floor. Rushing to his side, she gazed down upon him and looked back at Severus.

"Is this you, Severus? This shattered and now lifeless man? But he is older than you... You are alive; he is not."

Unable to comprehend why, Lily wept for the man lying at her side. Severus turned away, feeling to watch would be indecent. The final memory faded, and they were back in the sitting room at Spinner's End.

Lily was still weeping. Shocked to see the body gone, she sniffed and wiped at her eyes.

"Please tell me that isn't true," Lily whispered. Somehow along the way, the dawning realization that these memories couldn't be faked had hit Lily. Although she didn't understand how it was possible, she felt she might be ill from the truth.

"No, it's not real... It's not possible," Lily uttered, trying to convince herself in vain. Turning accusatory eyes upon Severus, she yelled, "TELL ME THE TRUTH, SEVERUS! PLEASE!" Grabbing hold of Severus's collar, she was shaking him. Her resolve weakened, and she buried her face in his shirt, sobbing. Breaking down further, she dropped to her knees on the floor.

Severus forced his eyes meet hers. It was sheer agony to watch the woman he loved fall apart in front of him, but she deserved the truth and for him to look at her.

"Lily," he croaked, "you cannot begin to understand how very sorry I am that I put you through this. Words are worthless, and had I simply explained the truth to you, you would have thought me mental. Those memories are real, I'm afraid... each and every one. They are... from another lifetime." He crouched down next to her, afraid to touch her, lest she pull away.

"Another lifetime?" Lily echoed in disbelief.

"Memories cannot lie. If they are altered, you would know it, and you know that nothing was done to change those memories. What you witnessed was the truth of what happened in my first life... I betrayed you, Lily," Severus whispered in utter shame, now fully crying. "I didn't mean to... but I didn't listen to you when you begged me not to be friends with Avery and Mulciber. I finally drove you away, as you saw, and from then on, I went down a dark path. I joined the Death Eaters and overheard a prophecy that targeted your son as the one being marked by the Dark Lord to have to power to vanquish him. I didn't know it meant your son, but when I found out who the prophecy was about, fearing for your life, I went to Dumbledore and begged him to protect you... and your family. I turned spy for Dumbledore in that moment. You married Potter... James. Your son was Harry Potter, who had your eyes, but otherwise looked like James. The Dark Lord killed you as you protected your son, and out of my love for you, I protected your son for years, even though I hated him for being Potter's son. In the final battle at Hogwarts, which was in 1998, I was killed by the Dark Lord. I gave my memories to your son, so he would finally know the truth: that I had always loved you and protected him because of that love. After I left that existence, Dumbledore greeted me in the afterlife and began speaking of something that sounded like absolute nonsense. He said I was being given another chance... to relive my life. I 'woke up' on that day at the end of fifth year when Potter and his friends were tormenting me."

"And the flying, the Occlumency, how skilled you are at Defense, knowing Vernon Dursley's name... that's all because you already knew those things?" Lily asked, shocked beyond belief.

"Yes, everything," Severus whispered. "No one knows but you now. Dumbledore suspected, as you know. He had reason to..."

Trying to take in everything and understand it, Lily finally said, "I believe you, but I... Severus, what can I say? If this is true, that you went Dark before... and you told You-Know-Who about a prophecy that resulted in my death? But you... you protected my son, a son I know nothing of."

"I do not blame you if you hate me," Severus said in a trembling voice. "You have every right to walk out that door and never look back. I was a disgrace then, and I am now. I've lied to you for two years, but I felt you deserved to know the truth. I do love you beyond comprehension, Lily, but I would not bind you to me in marriage out of selfishness. You are free of me if you wish it."

It felt like a multitude of stabs to the heart to say those words, but Severus couldn't put the love of his life in a cage.

Lily stepped closer to him and gazed upon him, her face a mixture of sadness, compassion, hurt, and anger. She placed a hand on his cheek and held his gaze for a long time.

"Severus, what has happened to you?" she asked softly.

He blinked, and a rebel tear fell.

She leaned in and kissed it away.

"I love you, but I... Is that enough? Right now, I just don't know."

She withdrew her hand from his face and was gone. Severus stood there for what could have been forever, the ghost of her touch left burning his skin, a shadow overcoming him.

He had no more tears to shed.

Author's Note: Certain passages were taken (and altered) from "Snape's Worst Memory" in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and from "The Elder Wand" and "The Prince's Tale" in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.