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A Spy's Fate by debjunk [Reviews - 2]

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Chapter 20: Sickness

Severus appeared at Grimmauld Place and stared at the building. Everything looked fine so perhaps he should just go back. Yes, and then he would have to face the wrath of Dumbledore. No one wanted to see that. He steeled himself for the upcoming confrontation, ascended the steps, and entered the house. He glanced in the kitchen and saw Kreacher cleaning up some dishes.

“Kreacher,” he said gruffly, “is Brianna here?”

The elf glared over at him.

“Yes, she is,” he said with narrowed eyes. “Kreacher is the only one that cares for Miss. Miss stays in bed all day crying out your name, and you never come!” He was pointing his skinny, bony finger at Severus.

Severus cleared his throat. “Is she sick?” he asked, not knowing exactly what to say.

Kreacher came rushing up to Severus. “Of course she’s sick! She doesn’t eat, she doesn’t leave her room. She says crazy things. Kreacher thinks she’s delirious, but when Kreacher asks her if Kreacher should get someone, she says no. Kreacher can only care for her and wait.”

Severus’ eyes narrowed while Kreacher spoke. He muttered a thank you and raced up the stairs and to her room. Stopping in front of her door, he composed himself and placed a look of sheer indifference on his face. Placing his hand tentatively on the doorknob, he opened the door without even knocking. He didn’t even recognize her lying on the bed. Her hair was a mess, and her skin looked sallow. Severus went over to the bed and placed his hand on her arm. He shook her to wake her up.

“Huh?” Bree said incoherently.

“Brianna, it’s time to get up,” he told her sharply.

She furrowed her brow. “No, no, Severus. I’m too tired. I need to sleep.” She rolled over and tried to get back to sleep.

Severus lifted her to a sitting position. Her eyes looked cloudy and unfocused. He got her to a standing position and dragged her to the bathroom. He shoved her in mercilessly.

“You are not to come out until you’ve showered and changed your clothes, is that understood?” he ordered.

“But I’m tired!” She moved past him and headed back to the bed. She was crawling back onto it when Severus’ hands enclosed around her waist.

“Oh, no, you don’t,” he said, lifting her off the bed again.

He dragged her to the bathroom and closed her into it. He locked the door, so she couldn’t escape again.

“Get into the shower!” he demanded.

He turned and inspected the room. Kreacher had kept it neat, but he could tell she hadn’t been taking care of herself. Suddenly he heard a loud crash and a thump. Severus turned back to the door and opened it, finding Brianna passed out on the floor. Looking at her with concern, he scooped her up and carried her to the bed. He laid her down and pulled his wand out. Performing some diagnostic spells, he got a worried look on his face.

“Brianna, when was the last time you got out of bed?” he asked.

She opened her eyes and looked at him.

“When was the battle?” she asked.

“A week ago.”

“Well, that was the last time I got out of bed, except to go to the loo of course.”

“You didn’t go to St. Mungo’s nor had a healer examine you after the battle?” he quizzed.

“Why would I do that?” she said in a sing-song voice. Looking up at him, she squinted. “When did you dye your hair purple?” she asked.

He got closer to her. “Does that look better?” he asked her.

“Oh, it’s blue. I liked it better when it was black,” she mumbled.

She reached up and caressed his cheek. “I’ll always love you, even if you hate me,” she muttered and passed out again.

Severus looked at her with concern. He scooped her up and carried her down the stairs. He stopped long enough to tell Kreacher he was taking her to St. Mungo’s, and then he left and Apparated away.

He burst into the hospital and set Brianna on a bed. He quickly explained what she had gone through and how she hadn’t followed up.

“Oh, dear, oh, dear, why didn’t she come in?” the Healer muttered to herself as she started to examine Brianna. “Didn’t she realize that these things need follow up spells to completely heal?”

Severus watched the witch do her work and felt a pang of guilt. If he hadn’t treated her so horribly, she wouldn’t have neglected herself. Whatever happened to her would be his fault.

The Healer finished rather quickly. She looked up at Severus and smiled.

“She’ll be fine. The counter spells are simple. But she’s neglected herself, so her recovery will take longer than usual. She’ll be able to go back home later today, though.”

Severus nodded. “I’ll be back soon,” he said.

He turned and left. Several minutes later Bree stirred. The Healer went over to her and noticed that her eyes were open.

“Now, dear, you should have come in right away when this happened!” she chided Bree.

Bree looked over at her, wondering where she was. She looked around and recognized the hospital room for what it was.

“How did I get here?” she asked curiously.

“Why, Professor Snape brought you in, dear, and a good thing he did. If you had waited much longer, some of the side effects may have been permanent.”

“Side effects from what?”

“Why, the magical draining, dear. When you’ve been weakened like that there are some simple spells that healers can do to help your magic come back quicker. You should have reported here right away, not sat in bed all of this time,” the witch reprimanded in a motherly fashion. “The side effects can cause a psychosis and delirium. You came in here not knowing what was going on around you, dear. Are you feeling better now?”

Bree nodded. “Where did Professor Snape go?” she asked.

“I’m not sure, dear. He said he would be back but didn’t say where he was going.”

Bree sighed. She was unsure of what kind of fool she had made of herself in order for Severus to bring her to the hospital. Her cheeks blossomed red as she thought of him finding her in such a state.

“How long will I need to stay here?” Bree asked finally.

“You can leave later today, dear. We just want to make sure you’re strong enough to move about on your own.”

Bree nodded and watched as the Healer turned and left. Only a few minutes later, Severus strode in bearing a bouquet of flowers. He gruffly handed them to Brianna and settled himself into the seat that was placed next to the bed. Bree stared in amazement at the pretty red and white flowers that made up the bouquet.

“I’m sorry I caused you to neglect yourself,” Severus said stiffly.

Bree didn’t know whether to look at him or not. She was afraid of what she would see in his eyes. Glancing up seemed to take all of her energy, but she finally did it. He looked haggard and drawn. It seemed that he was holding every emotion he had ever felt for her in check. His face was stern and emotionless, but Bree could tell he was fighting to control himself.

This was all her fault, and looking at Severus now only made her feel worse about her deception. He had been open and loving with her before. Now, she could tell that he could barely look upon her. Her chest tightened within her with grief. She had destroyed everything. He could never forgive her.

oooOOOooo


Severus looked upon Brianna and fought within himself for mastery. Part of him wanted to take her in his arms and hold her, telling her she would be alright and that they would be alright. The other part wanted to lash out and hurt her like she had hurt him. He knew that was a petty reaction, but he couldn’t help himself. He also found that he could not get over her deception. Even though he had not wanted to see her—knew that he couldn’t see her—he had hoped that upon looking at her, he would instantly forgive her. Such forgiveness hadn’t come because he was still infuriated by her deception. He had never felt so betrayed in all of his life.

The two of them stared at each other for a long while, neither of them willing to be the first to say anything to the other. Finally, Severus steeled himself to speak. He pushed all of his emotions deep within himself, so Brianna could not hurt him again.

“I was not ready to speak with you yet, but Dumbledore was worried about your well-being. I’m glad I found you, but I don’t think this encounter is very helpful at this time.”

Bree only nodded at him, unable to speak.

“Brianna, I have never felt so deceived in my entire life,” Severus explained in an unemotional tone. “I am having a hard time getting past it. I trusted you, and you betrayed that trust. I loved you… I still love you, yet I am not sure that I can find the trust that I need to be with you again.”

“Severus…”

Severus held up his hand to quiet her. He wanted to finish this speech without breaking down or showing how devastated he was. He could not let her see just how broken he was. He would not let her see that from him.

“I have gone over our relationship and my feelings over and over again,” he relayed in a monotone. “I have analyzed them from every angle possible. I’ve come to the conclusion that forgiveness and trust in you will take time.” His next words were a struggle, and even Bree could see the agony he was in at their utterance. “I… cannot be with you right now, Brianna. I… cannot… continue… as we were. I need to sort this out on my own.” Severus’ face was like a mask, cold and unfeeling. He spoke to her now as if he were discussing something in first year Potions. “I hope to be able to talk with you about all of this in the future, but right now… I need time.”

Bree’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry, Severus. I messed everything up.”

Severus stared at her impassively.

“I should have told you,” she cried. “I should have told you.”

“Yes… you should have,” Severus replied with a frown.

“I’m sorry. Please, Severus, give me another chance. I love you.”

Severus rose. “I told you, I need time. You will have your chance eventually. I just need to be able to look at you without seeing a liar.”

Bree gasped and sobbed. “Severus, please!”

“I will contact you when I am less upset,” he said in finality. With a sweep of his robes, he was gone.

Bree put her head in her hands and wept.

oooOOOooo


Severus returned to his dungeon room and warded the door after casting a very strong Muffliato. When he was through, he went into his bedroom. Clutching at his chest, he groaned. It had taken all he had within himself to Apparate away from Brianna. Then, when he felt he could deal with no more, Albus had accosted him in the hallway as he had entered the castle. He had tersely filled Dumbledore in on Brianna’s condition. The Headmaster had clucked at him about not looking well and that he should take another few days off.

That was just as well. In the mood he was in, he would not be good for anything anytime soon. All he wanted to do was bang his head against the wall. His meeting with Brianna had been much worse than he had expected. He had barely kept control of himself.

Severus turned to the mirror that hung over his dresser. He looked at his reflection, sneering at himself. Look at him. How could anyone truly care for such a man? He was pathetically ugly, had a nasty disposition, and was emotionally stunted.

“Look at you,” he snarled. “You’re pathetic! How could you ever have deluded yourself into thinking that you could be loved? She played you, you fool.”

He stared at himself some more, picking apart every little flaw on his face. His was the face of someone who couldn’t possibly find happiness.

“Just give up now,” he muttered.

Severus continued to stare at himself. Anger welled within him. He was filled with anger at Brianna, anger at himself, and anger at his inability to forgive. He had not felt this infuriated for a long time. He picked up a box that sat on his dresser which held cuff links. He hurled it at the mirror, shattering it into pieces.

“You’re worthless!” he screamed at himself. “I can’t even stand looking at you!”

Turning, Severus threw himself on the bed and buried his head into his pillow. All he wanted to do was sleep. Maybe when he awoke, this nightmare would be over.

oooOOOooo


Brianna, meanwhile, had continued to grieve for her lost relationship. She knew it was her fault. Perhaps she should find a Time-Turner and do everything over again. Why had she listened to Albus? He had demanded complete secrecy from Lucius and her, but what would have been the problem with letting Severus in on the plot? He was trustworthy, and certainly if he had survived as a spy for so long, knew how to keep a secret. His Occlumency would have kept the plan unknown to Voldemort.

She shook her head, as the tears continued to stream down her face slowly. Why hadn’t she come to this conclusion when it could have saved her relationship? Had she been so buried in the plot that she couldn’t see right from wrong? Had her Auror training taught her to follow orders so rigidly that she couldn’t see other alternatives? Of course it hadn’t, so what had happened to her? How had she let herself be manipulated like that?

Albus’ plan had been brilliant, she had to admit that, but even she knew there sometimes had to be changes made. She had participated in many Auror jobs where she had been flying by the seat of her pants, refining and changing the planned job as needed. But something had been different with this one. It was as if she couldn’t question anything that Albus had said.

She thought back to her relationship with Dumbledore. She had known him since she was a small child. He had always been like a grandfather to her. She had trusted him implicitly. But in many ways, his actions with this plan had been self-centered. Looking at it from this standpoint, with the battle over, she realized just how used Lucius and she had been. Along with all the other grief she now felt, a deep sense of betrayal came over her.

The man who had taken care of her when her parents had been killed and who had been a mentor to her for years had used her to attain his own end with little regard for her feelings. She had expressed how she had felt about Severus. He knew she loved him. He knew Severus loved her. Yet, when things could have been explained and a relationship saved, he had continued with his own plan, unyielding, claiming that their secrets would be revealed and the plan spoiled.

Bree huffed. She had been blind. Subconsciously, she had known that saving her relationship after that wasn’t likely, but her reverence for the old wizard had kept her from questioning anything he had said. She was now suffering the repercussions of her blind faith.

Now, her relationship with Severus lay in tatters. After his stony conversation, if it could be called a conversation, it was clear to Bree that they had nothing left. He said he needed time, but what he was really saying was that she had hurt him beyond repair. She would never see him again, she knew it. She had destroyed their love, and she deserved everything he had thrown at her. She deserved much worse, actually, but he had been civil. She was grateful for that.

Brianna felt a deep despair fall over her. She had no hope that things could be better between Severus and her. Her own stupidity had driven him from her. Severus deserved someone much better than she. Accepting the fact that it was over would be the first thing she needed to do. She hoped that Severus could move on. She knew she would never be able to, but maybe that would be a suitable punishment for her. To always know that the man she could have had had been driven away by her foolishness would be a fitting consequence indeed.

A bit of time had passed before the Healer returned to Bree’s side. She glanced at Bree’s puffy eyes and frowned.

“Now dear, you need to rest and be calm, or you won’t recover as quickly as you should.”

Bree looked at the Healer. “Can I go now?” she asked bluntly.

The healer blinked her eyes at Bree, as if she had said the strangest thing the witch had ever heard. Why anyone would want to leave the safe confines of the hospital was a mystery to her.

“Well, dear, yes, you may go if you would like, but you need to take it easy for the next few days.” She pulled a small vial from her robes. “Take this only if you are feeling drained. There are two doses here, use them wisely.”

Bree accepted the vial and nodded to her. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and gingerly got to her feet. She was happy to note that her legs seemed to be able to support her without buckling. The Healer produced a paper and held it in front of Bree.

“Just sign here, dear. It says that you are leaving without staying the normal amount of time for this type of healing.”

Bree looked up at the woman in concern. “I’m not going to have a relapse if I leave now, will I?” she asked.

“Oh no! Just take it easy, like I told you to, dear. You’ll be fine.”

Bree smiled at the motherly woman and signed the release. She thanked the witch and turned to leave. As she was about to exit the room, she saw how she looked in the mirror. She realized she looked like death warmed over. Her hair was matted to her head in spots, in others, it was frazzled and tangled. She looked as if she hadn’t bathed in weeks.

“Oh, gads, I’m a sight.”

Turning to the Healer, she asked if she could use the shower before she left. The Healer agreed with a smile, and soon Bree had showered, combed her hair, and seemed herself again. She eyed herself in the mirror. Her hair was back to its normal brown color. It had been so grimy, it had almost appeared black. Her face didn’t look as drawn as it had even a few minutes ago. She would be alright. She would survive this rift between Severus and her.

Making her way down to the exit of the hospital, she wondered whether she should go straight home. The Ministry was just a block or so away, and she was curious to know if her position was still open. It should be, as she had taken an indefinite leave of absence when she started the mission, but one never knew with the Ministry. She decided to check out her work options and headed for the Ministry.

oooOOOooo


Bree entered the Ministry and went to the second level, where Auror Headquarters was located. She went towards the back of the floor until she came to a door that was labeled International Affairs. She entered and looked around. The office was empty. She went over to a chair in front of the desk and sat down to wait.

She hadn’t realized how tired she was until she had sat down. The healer had been right. She was pretty run down. She closed her eyes and put her hand up over them to shield them from the light while she waited. She hadn’t been waiting long when she heard the door open up. Bree stood and turned to greet the newcomer. She smiled as she recognized her boss on this side of the Atlantic, Jason Williams. His blond hair lay perfectly atop his head. He pushed his glasses up his nose and smiled in recognition. Before Bree knew it, she was encased in a great bear hug.

“Bree! How nice to see you again finally. After all of the hubbub with the war, I was expecting you in here days ago. Congratulations on helping to defeat Voldemort, by the way. I would expect no less from you.”

Bree smiled at him. “Jason, it’s been a while. How are you?”

“Fine, fine! And you? Are you basking in all that attention?”

Bree frowned. She was totally unaware of what was going on in the world.

“Actually, Jason, I’ve been under the weather all week and really haven’t gotten out of bed until today. Would you fill me in on what’s going on?”

Jason pulled a copy of the Daily Prophet out from his desk and pushed it across to her. She glanced down at the front page. The main headline read Ticker Tape Parade for Harry Potter in Diagon Alley. There was a picture of Harry Potter, flanked by his two friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. They strode down the street, waving, as confetti rained down on their heads.

A smaller article showed a picture of Brianna herself, waving a wand menacingly. The headline for this read War Hero goes Missing After Saving World. Brianna rolled her eyes and perused the article, which told of her courage in infiltrating the Death Eaters and wondered where she had disappeared to, as all the other war heroes had been clearly visible, including Severus Snape, who was known for his elusiveness. A sharp pain coursed through Bree’s body at the sight of Severus. She masked her reaction and turned back to her spy mode. She rolled her eyes again and tossed the paper back down on the desk.

“People will read anything, won’t they?” she mused.

Jason gave her a sly smile. “They’ll suck up any juicy news they can get their hands on!”

Brianna smiled wanly at her boss.

“Well, Bree, I’m glad you came in. We are in a bit of a bind. The Minister is planning a visit to America to update the American Ministry on the end of the war. Your substitute does an adequate job, but we really could use your expertise in organizing this trip with all of the security it will need.”

Bree took a quick breath. She hadn’t even needed to ask about her job, she was being offered her original position, immediately. She regarded her boss quizzically.

“So, when would you want me to leave?”

“Why immediately, of course,” he drawled.

“Immediately? Are you out of your mind?”

“You know the kind of planning these trips take. The Minister is leaving in a week and will be staying in the States for a week. I needed you there yesterday, Bree.”

Bree sighed. “What about my things? I can’t even go home and pack?”

Her boss smiled at her in a sly way. “Have them sent.”

She raised her hands in frustration. “All right! I’ll leave immediately. Do you have a Portkey here, or do I need to report to the travel department?”

“Well,” Jason said, “I was hoping you would wander in here any day, so I’m prepared.”

He opened the top drawer of his desk and motioned to a bent up cola can. He told her it would activate immediately. Before grasping it, Bree looked over at her boss.

“It seems we never have enough time to catch up on old times, Jason,” she told him.

He nodded to her as she picked up the can. Feeling the familiar pull at her center, she disappeared.


A/N: Next up: Severus realizes Brianna has left the country.

Many huge thanks to my beta, Lilith Kayden, who offered some great advice as to how this chapter should proceed.

I hope you all ‘enjoyed’ that. I’m not quite sure that enjoyed is the proper word here. This was a hard chapter to get through. I felt badly for both of them, but especially for Severus. My heart just goes out to him. He’s been through so much, he deserves to be happy. *So, why’d you write this, Deb?* Well, I love the angst too. Things will be better eventually. Oftentimes, we treasure the things that must be fought for all the more.



A Spy's Fate by debjunk [Reviews - 2]

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