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The Moment It Began by sindie11 [Reviews - 2]

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On Christmas Eve, Severus took the public bus to St. Katherine's to visit his mother. As he stepped off the bus onto the sidewalk, he took in the building before him. Nothing had changed, except the season, since the last time he had come here. Pulling his coat tighter around himself, Severus walked up the sidewalk leading to the main entrance, the chill of the wind biting. It was with relief that he entered the warm building, thankful for the heat and welcoming interior.

The waiting area was decorated with a Christmas tree and a few small bits here and there. He approached the lady at the reception desk, who were wearing a ridiculous Father Christmas hat, her frosty, grizzled hair sticking out underneath.

"Happy Christmas, young man," she politely greeted him, with an abnormally wide smile. "May I help you?"

What a pointless question, Severus snidely thought. "Yes," he said aloud. "I'm here to visit my mother, Eileen Snape."

"Ah," she replied. "I'll let them know you're here. It will be just a few moments. One of the caretakers will need to assist you."

Frowning, Severus crossed his arms over his chest and gave a curt nod, continuing to stand there. The receptionist stood and walked away toward the back. A minute later, she returned, saying, "Roger will be with you shortly."

"Thank you," Severus murmured, standing in the same spot.

The receptionist's previously forced smile diminished as she looked warily at him. "Er... you may take a seat, young man," she pointed out, thinking him a moody teenager.

Not accustomed to being spoken to in such a manner, Severus had to stop himself from snapping back. He strode away and sank into one of the chairs. He hadn't seen his mother in four months, damn it! Why did they have to make him wait a moment longer?

The five minutes that followed could have been five hours to Severus. He kept glancing at the clock, watching the second hand moving excruciatingly slowly around the dial. Finally, a man opened the door to the waiting room and called, "Severus Snape!"

Severus stood and approached him. "Hello," the man said with a withering smile. "I'm Roger. I'm here to escort you to your mother."

"Wonderful," Severus remarked dryly. He didn't feel it necessary to introduce himself, as this Roger bloke already knew his name and would probably promptly forget it afterward.

Roger didn't seem offended, but simply led Severus to Eileen's room. Upon arrival, Roger said, "Enjoy your visit, Mr. Snape. Should you need us, just press the button near the door."

Glad to be rid of the man, Severus entered the room and found his mother sitting in a chair, reading to herself. Eileen looked good. She was dressed in Muggle clothes, of course, and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail at the base of her neck instead of left to hang in her face like usual.

"Mum," Severus said, trying to keep his voice even.

Eileen's eyes left the book, and she gazed into her son's face. She slowly lowered the book as a smile alighted her lips. "Severus!" she exclaimed, standing, the book completely forgotten as she placed it on the table next to the chair.

Eileen crossed the room in five large strides, almost running, and embraced her son. Severus returned the embrace, grateful for such a pleasant reception.

"I've missed you," Eileen said into his shoulder. Severus could tell she was crying.

"I've missed you, too, Mum," replied Severus, trying not to become too emotional himself. "But don't cry, Mum. I'm here now, and I see you're doing quite well."

After a little while, mother and son released each other. Eileen went back to her chair, and Severus took to sitting on the bed, as there was no other seat available.

"You look well," he observed. "And you sound well."

"They are pretty good... for Muggles," Eileen said. "I think I could come home soon, Severus." Eileen smiled slightly. "From what they've told me, I've made good progress, and I do miss being home. I've missed you terribly and Tobias... have you seen him, Severus? How is he?"

Severus tried not to frown too deeply upon hearing his father's name. Eileen seemed responsive and alert, but if she was asking about Tobias as if nothing had happened, that wasn't promising. "Father is... no longer at home, Mum," he said carefully. "You know that."

"He hasn't returned, then?" Eileen pressed, her eyes pleading and a crease of worry appearing between her eyebrows.

"You know what happened," Severus tried to explain calmly. "He hasn't been allowed to come back."

"What- what do you mean, Severus?" Her tone sounded accusing.

"Have you forgotten, Mother?" Severus asked, his voice suddenly much harder. "Have you truly not remembered he is the reason you're here? How he spoke to you, how he hit you, the nights he didn't return home, all the empty bottles of alcohol strewn about the floor...?"

Eileen cowered in the chair, curling up into a ball, hiding her face. "N- no, no, no," she whimpered.

Severus was instantly ashamed of having reacted so harshly. He wasn't sure if she was saying no to his questions, acknowledging he was right after all, or if she was merely shrinking back from his brash demeanor.

"Mum," Severus said softly, leaving the bed and coming closer, kneeling directly in front of her. "Mum, look at me," he implored.

Severus mentally berated himself for upsetting his mother, hoping someone wouldn't overhear the commotion and come into the room, demanding an explanation for the disturbance.

Eileen withdrew her face from her hands and regarded her son. While her eyes were red and her cheeks were stained with the trails of tears, she looked Severus bravely in the eyes. Thankfully, she hadn't called him Tobias like the last time he had upset her.

"Severus," she murmured. "You... you don't hate me, do you?"

Of all the words he was expecting, Severus wasn't prepared for this question. "Hate you?" he asked, aghast. "Mum, why would you ask such a thing?"

"Because... because I couldn't be a better mother to you," Eileen murmured ashamedly.

"Don't be ridiculous," Severus replied gently, taking her hand. "It's not your fault. Besides, you did what you could, in spite of everything. I... didn't exactly make things easier for you," he said guiltily.

"That's not true, Severus," Eileen countered gingerly. "You helped me."

Unable to look into her eyes a moment longer, Severus turned his gaze to the floor instead. "Not until recently," he muttered.

Severus had wanted today's visit to be a happy one, but instead he was hurting his mother and dwelling on depressing memories, things which couldn't be altered. What had been would always remain, but as Severus's gaze travelled to the window and watched the softly falling snow, he knew he had been given a chance to relive his life, a chance he ought not to waste. The spirit of Christmas, which lifted the hearts of many, had more often than not evaded Severus, but recalling his simple act of kindness toward his undeserving father a few nights ago, Severus thought for the first time that he might enjoy the holiday. Something inside him was in the process of shifting. His seemingly immovable, stubborn walls were shattering stone by stone, plank by plank. This would have frightened him, angered him, and only reinforced his need to build more, sturdier walls in the past. Now, however, he found he didn't mind so much. He could bear to be vulnerable around certain people. Lily and his mother. And so, Severus willed himself to meet her gaze again.

"Regardless," Eileen murmured. "It doesn't matter. So, Severus," she said suddenly, "how has school been? You haven't exactly been open in your letters."

"I can't afford to be too open, Mum," Severus explained, smirking a little. "What would the Muggles here think if they read it?"

Eileen laughed. "True enough. The Muggles are pleasant enough, although it is difficult not to mention magic. They pretty much leave me alone, which is the way I like it."

Severus nodded. He knew his mother was a creature of solitude, and she preferred that lifestyle. He had inherited that same desire. Other people were usually too bothersome to deal with. Like Eileen, Severus had little tolerance for stupidity, ignorance, recklessness, and the like.

Hoping to continue along this vein, Severus inquired further about her stay at St. Katherine's. They spoke for a while about some of the other patients and the treatment Eileen was receiving, but then a lull happened, and Eileen, her sharpness returning, posed the question about school again.

Sighing, Severus gave in. "If you insist, Mother," he muttered. "The other students are the same, and I choose not to spend much time around them. Lily and I are closer. Classes are fine. I'm excelling at Potions and Defense, as you know."

Refusing to speak of his encounter with his housemates and the Marauders' constant badgering and pranks, Severus kept his voice calm. He wouldn't give his mother reason to worry about him. What good would it do her when her sole concern ought to be her own welfare and recovery? Besides, Severus reckoned, he was a grown wizard.

"Ah, yes, Lily Evans, that young girl you're so fond of," Eileen said. "I'm surprised you didn't bring her with you today."

"I just wanted to spend time with you, Mum. I'll be stopping by again in a couple of days and can bring Lily if you like."

"That's up to you, Severus. I would hate to bore the poor girl."

"Lily wouldn't be bored," Severus protested.

Unable to help herself, Eileen's lips quirked a little. Just then, there was a knock from the door, and it opened. Roger was standing there, peeking his head into the room.

"Excuse me," he said. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but visiting hours are over."

Severus scowled at the insufferable man. He hadn't seen his mother in months, and after a couple of hours, he was being told he had to leave?

"I wasn't aware my time with my mother should be limited by your rules," Severus said stiffly, standing. "Why must I leave? What good reason do you have, sir?"

Affronted by what he perceived as an adolescent boy, Roger replied with a hint of impatience in his voice, "Those are the rules, young man. I am sorry," he said, not sounding sorry at all, "but you must say goodbye."

"Very well," Severus snapped. He pointedly ignored the man and gave his mother a parting hug. "Happy Christmas, Mum," he whispered into her ear. "I'll see you soon, I promise."

"Happy Christmas, my dear Severus," Eileen returned, her voice breaking again.

Not trusting himself to speak without heavy emotion in his own voice, Severus released her and headed for the door, not looking back. He couldn't. He could feel his mother's sad eyes watching his retreating form with every step he took. Severus didn't spare Roger a slight glance, but walked alongside the man to the waiting room and left the facility without another word.

The ride on the bus home was subdued. As much as he had enjoyed seeing his mother again, Severus couldn't help but wish more than anything that she could come back home.

The Moment It Began by sindie11 [Reviews - 2]

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