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Two Sides Against the Middle by Rose of the West [Reviews - 2]

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“You have to see that there's nothing else for me, now,” he said, speaking yet again of the Death Eaters.

Emily shook her head. “I'm sorry, Severus. Personally, I think she should have given you more of a chance, but she clearly wasn't feeling what you felt. I would have given you more of a chance. Some day you're going to ask yourself why Lily never gave you that chance, if she's so wonderful.”

“That's easy. I'm not good enough for her.”

“You are perfectly good enough for her or for anyone else who chooses to love you.”

“Thank you, Emily. You are the only reason I have not become a Death Eater, yet.”

“I'm willing to execute the agreement we discussed.”

“You are the only one who has discussed it and I don't know what you would get out of it.”

“Besides keeping your soul intact, the soul of my most constant friend here at Hogwarts?” Emily shrugged. “Apparently you're right about Sirius. He came back from the last Quidditch match with that blond sixth year from Hufflepuff. They had matching leaves mussed in their hair, and their robes weren't fastened properly. Really, I'm supposed to be his girlfriend. I'll probably let him shag me eventually, but I don't see why he needs to be my first, under the circumstances.”

Severus was curious in spite of himself. “All those other girls, and you never seem to really care about it.”

“Weird, isn't it? When he's kissing me, I feel like I want to know if there's more to it, but when he's not in the room, it's like he's just some guy. It's completely superficial.”

“If you have no deep feelings for him, then why?”

“I haven't had a better offer.”




Severus and Emily studied and drilled each other mercilessly during the last two weeks before NEWTs. They hardly came out of the library except to go to classes and when Madam Pince chased them out at night. Severus ignored his meetings and Emily ignored Sirius. For two weeks, it was just as it had been for seven years.

Outside the library Severus was grim and angry, and Emily was the perfect girlfriend on the arm of Sirius Black. Inside the library, the two friends studied, joked together, and shared their plans. Emily saw the smiling young man she had known for so long when his face softened to go over class notes. Severus saw the sweet girl he knew underneath the brittle veneer of worldliness that she had adopted. It was a vacation from an adulthood that was approaching too fast.

Studying ended and testing began. There were shorter study sessions each evening to assess how they had done and brush up on the next day's subjects. Afterwards Severus went to his meetings and Sirius demanded that Emily pay him some attention. As the testing ended, end of school year activities claimed them both and they were caught up in House parties and other events. Every so often they caught each other's eyes and nodded in the Great Hall, but that was the extent of it.

The day that the NEWT grades were given to the students, Severus tried to find Emily but she was not in her own house or Gryffindor. He didn't see her on the grounds or any of her other common haunts, so he tried the one place he occasionally found her hiding when something bothered her: the small space behind the restricted books section of the library. She was there, dry eyed, but had obviously been crying pretty hard.

“Move over,” he said.

“We haven't both fit back here since third year,” said Emily, moving in spite of herself.

“Here,” he said. He sat with his back against the wall and pulled her up against himself. It might be a mistake, because they both felt the sensation of more than just the contact of bodies, but he decided to risk it.

“Um, Severus, won't we get in trouble if we're found in this position?”

“What are they going to do, give us detentions?”

Emily giggled, and then sighed.

“So, Emily. I have Outstandings, straight down the list.”

“I do, too. That's really great, Severus. Our study program was highly successful.”

“And, I went to see Dumbledore today for my last lesson with him and he told me that I had worked really hard and that he was proud of me, and he shook my hand. He also said that if I ever need help, I should contact him.”

“I told you that you were valuable.”

“I wanted to share it with you. You have been my study partner and my most faithful friend these seven years.”

“It has been my privilege, Severus. You're probably my best friend, too.” She stifled a sob, but he felt it.

“So now, my most faithful friend, supposing you tell me what troubles you so much that you have hidden in a place that surely only you and I and the house elves know?”

“I overheard Ja... I mean Sirius's friends talking to him about getting married. They were asking him when he and I were going to get engaged so we could all get married at the same time. He told them that he doesn't think we will ever get married. Li—um, the girl—left the room and Sirius told his friend that he hoped I wouldn't make him wait much longer but that in any case he didn't see himself ever getting married.

“Severus, all this time he's been talking as if we were supposed to get married all along. He said things like 'When we're old together' or 'That's what we'll tell our children' and that sort of thing all the time. You told me that he just wants to shag me and then move on, and I believed you, but it's so different to hear it said out loud by him.”

“Emily, I wish I had been wrong. I could hex him for making you cry.”

“You do always think with your wand, don't you?” Emily smiled in a twisted sort of way. “I wasn't crying because I wanted the marriage and the kids. Not with him. I was crying because I don't care. I should have burst into tears and broken up with him then and there.

“Part of me wants him to shag me and then just disappear forever so that I can get it over. I shouldn't feel that way about him. I should be madly in love with him. On paper we're a good match. Family history, our personal attitudes about recent politics...”

“Emily, you should not do that, just to get it over. You should do it because you love him. You should find someone else, someone who will love you, someone you do want to marry.”

“We will have to see.”

“Look, I will not join the Death Eaters until I really must. Promise me you will wait, that you will see what other men you meet at St. Mungo's while you are training.”

“I promise, Severus. I will wait as long as you do. Or, we could still...”

“Emily, please don't bring that up at a time like this.”

They sat quietly for a few minutes, but it was clearly going to be a mistake. They were very aware of each other sitting so closely.

Emily could feel Severus's breath in her hair. She tried to think of something to say and then remembered. “So tell me, are you going to come over for dinner once a week when we're both working in London?”

“Would you like that?”

“It would really be good. We can talk about what we're doing at work, and discuss things, maybe even work on our studies together. There might be ways we can help each other.”

“It sounds like a good idea. Let's plan on it, then. It cannot be when it interferes with my other meetings.”

Emily sighed. “No, I guess not. We'll have to keep in touch to make sure which nights are best.”

Silence came upon them again, and although it was not uncomfortable, the relative positions of their bodies was uncomfortably full of an unresolved tension that Severus did not want to admit. He realized how close his hand was to Emily's waist and that he had an urge to put his arm around her. He spoke this time.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, much better, thank you.”

“Perhaps it's getting close to dinner time?”

“Oh, yes. We should probably—“

Emily's problem now was how to get up without putting her hands someplace embarrassing. Somehow she managed it and walked around the rare books section to where she could see the clock over Madam Pince's desk. Severus came out behind her. It was indeed dinner time and they walked down stairs together, separating at the door of the Great Hall.

“Well, see you.”

“Yes, have a good summer.”

A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing, and thank you to beta reader Trickie Woo.

Two Sides Against the Middle by Rose of the West [Reviews - 2]

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