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The Moment It Began by sindie11 [Reviews - 2]

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Ever since sharing his first kiss with Lily and then the confrontation with James afterward, Severus had been cold and distant, even toward Lily. It was all self-induced, and while he knew he was doing it, it seemed he couldn't stop himself from suffering. Lily asked him what was wrong, but he didn't want to elaborate. With a shrug of the shoulders, Severus would leave her standing there, left to sadly watch his retreating form.

The weekend before Halloween, there was a Hogsmeade outing scheduled. Severus didn't feel like going. It was just another chance to put himself out there and risk being confronted by Potter and his gang, and if not them, then Avery and Mulciber. Even though the latter hadn't so much as spoken a word to Severus for the past few weeks, he had a bad feeling that they were talking about him behind his back. He knew being a Slytherin in love with a Muggleborn Gryffindor was mutiny, but he didn't care. He didn't care about much these days.

"Sev," Lily was begging him for the third time that Friday after classes, "why won't you go with me?"

Lily wanted to visit Hogsmeade. Of course she did. Lily was beautiful, intelligent, talented, popular, likable...

"And I told you, Lily," Severus retorted, growing aggravated at her insistence. "You could go with anyone. You have loads of friends."

"But I want to go with you," she insisted, her voice so welcoming and gentle. They were in an alcove by themselves, away from prying eyes.

Severus tried, in vain, not to glance into her eyes. He would be undone if he did, but sighing, he looked down at those green orbs, so accepting, so loving, and frowned. "Why me, Lily?" he whispered. "I mean... in general... why me?"

"C'mon, let's go somewhere a little more private," she said, knowing they needed to talk.

Nodding, Severus allowed her to lead him to an empty classroom nearby. After the door was closed, Severus muttered, "Muffliato."

"All right," she said, a little sternly. "What's going on, Sev? I know you haven't had the highest opinion of yourself in the past, but I thought you were doing so well for a while there. You dropped those supposed friends from your house last year. You kicked your horrible father out of the house. You took care of your mother and got her help. You've been even more brilliant than before in Potions, and I hear you're excelling wonderfully at Defense as well. You and I shared that kiss, but we haven't kissed since. Overall, I felt like we were really getting closer than ever, and now, I feel like you're pushing me away. Did I do something, Sev, because I really can't understand why you're acting this way?"

"It's not you, Lily; it's me," he started to say and watched as her face dropped.

"Oh, no, this is it, isn't it?" Lily asked, fearful of what he was going to say next. "You're breaking up with me, aren't you? People always start off with that whole 'It's not you; it's me' rubbish." She was babbling quickly, something she did whenever she was anxious. Severus could see her eyes shining.

"No, no, no," Severus said quickly, coming closer to her and enveloping her in his arms. "Lily, no... never that. I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me... but I certainly don't want you to cry or to think I want to lose your companionship. You're right - I have been difficult, and it's complicated, really complicated, to explain. Let's just say I had a major change of heart a few months ago. In my mind, I could see what a mess my life would turn out to be if I pushed you away and kept being friends with Avery and Mulciber."

It may not have been the whole truth, but without telling her he was reliving his life, it was the best Severus could do. In his mind, he always saw old memories of his past life, constant reminders of what had been, but also what could still be in this life.

"Oh, Sev," Lily exhaled, her voice laced with both concern and relief. She held fast onto him tightly. "I know I didn't like those old friends of yours, and yes, I was worried what might happen if you stayed friends with them, but you wouldn't have joined You-Know-Who or anything crazy. I know you better than that. I knew you'd make the right decision."

Her words were haunting. Swallowing nervously, Severus murmured, "Don't be so sure of yourself, Lily. I did some pretty Dark stuff when I was with them. I know I told you it was just for fun, and that's the truth. What we were doing was entertaining to us, and that sounds sick now. I can't guarantee I won't break one day and do something awful again, though, especially to Potter."

Lily nodded. "Well, Potter might deserve it," she remarked.

"Maybe if he provokes me enough, but let's stop talking about this now, all right?" It was making Severus uncomfortable to be dwelling on his darker nature. He knew more than anyone what he was capable of, but if he could refrain from doing those things this time around, he would. He knew Lily wouldn't want to be with him if he turned out rotten.

"All right," agreed Lily, releasing her hold on him enough to see his face. "Are you feeling better now?"

"A little," Severus replied, which was the truth.

"Good. And just so you know, even though you should know, you silly git," Lily teased lightly, "I like you just the way you are. Don't doubt that, even when you're doubting yourself."

Severus nodded. Even though it was difficult for him to grasp how any one person could love him and accept him as Lily did, he knew she wasn't lying to him simply to make him feel better. He could doubt himself, but the moment he started doubting what Lily felt for him, he would need to mentally kick himself for being so stupid.

"Now, will you go with me to Hogsmeade, you stubborn prat?" she asked, still teasing.

"What's with the name calling?" Severus queried, smirking slightly, his mood improving by the minute.

"Come on, now, Sev," Lily said, a little impatient. "Well, will you?"

"All right, all right, but just because you asked so nicely," he gave in.


x x x x x
As Severus and Lily walked down the path from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade, the chilly autumn air blew, rustling the colored leaves on the nearby trees. Some trees were almost bare, in fact. The village lay beyond them just a little.

"Where would you like to go?" asked Lily.

"Somewhere more private. Definitely not the Three Broomsticks. Far too crowded."

"Where would you suggest, then?"

"How about the Hog's Head?" Severus suggested.

"That old place?" questioned Lily, wrinkling her nose at the rundown pub. "Isn't it a bit... shady?"

"It's not that bad. I've been there before," said Severus automatically.

"You have? When?" Lily sounded surprised. Students weren't known for going to the Hog's Head.

Realizing his error, for Severus had been referring to his old life, he lied, "Oh, just once with some house mates... a long time ago."

Not looking entirely convinced, Lily relented. "Well, all right. I trust your judgment, Sev."

They made their way down the main street, going past several shops that were frequented by students: Honeydukes, Dervish and Bangs, and of course, the Three Broomsticks. When they reached the edge of the village, they turned and walked a little farther. The broken sign to the pub hung as it ever had. While some things had changed with time, it seemed the Hog's Head never would.

They entered. Only a couple other people were inside, both of whom were sitting at the bar, not giving the two young students a second glance. From behind the bar, an old man with grisly grey hair and piercing blue eyes glared at them.

Severus indicated for Lily to follow him to a nearby table. He looked around at the all-too-familiar setting. He had been here many times in his past life, including the infamous night he had overheard the prophecy. If he hadn't wanted privacy so much, he wouldn't have come here, but he wouldn't be going upstairs where the scene of his old crime had occurred.

"What'll you be having?" barked the old man.

"Just two butterbeers," Severus called back. He inwardly grimaced. Drinking butterbeer was so juvenile, but he didn't think the barman would be serving an underage wizard firewhiskey.

"That's Dumbledore's brother," Severus whispered to Lily.

"Really?" Lily whispered back, amazed. "Now that you mention it, he does look similar."

Just then, Aberforth Dumbledore came to the table with two butterbeers. Lily thanked him, but Aberforth only grunted back.

"He seems like Dumbledore's opposite," Lily murmured.

Shrugging, Severus didn't comment. His encounter with the old man hadn't been pleasant, and he had certainly been rough when he'd thrown him out of the pub.

They spent the next hour in the Hog's Head, passing the time nicely. Lily decided the place wasn't so bad after all. Once they were done, Severus paid the barman, and they left.

Upon stepping back into the cool autumn air, however, they were ambushed. Lily screamed as someone grabbed her from behind. Thinking it to be Potter and his gang, Severus yelled, "Let her go, Potter!"

"I'm not Potter," replied a gruff voice, and Mulciber stepped out of the shadows. He was holding Lily threateningly, his hand over her mouth.

Avery and two other Slytherins, Wilkes and Rosier, joined him. "Now, we're going to show you what we meant when we said to watch your back, Snape," Avery hissed.

The Moment It Began by sindie11 [Reviews - 2]

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