Severus and Lily left the empty classroom nearly an hour later, having spent the time simply enjoying each other's company and talking about any variety of topics. When they got to the point where they needed to part, Severus stopped, watching Lily's retreating form. He waited until she was out of sight and then made to turn and head down to the dungeons.

Not a moment after he turned, however, did James Potter seemingly appear out of the stonework and confront him.

Severus hadn't been expecting Potter, but he reached for his wand as soon as the opportunity arose. "What do you want, Potter?" he hissed.

Potter, for his own protection or merely to torment Severus, also had his wand out. "What are you playing at, Snape?" he asked nastily. "You think Evans will really stay with you when she could have any number of blokes in this school?"

"Oh, like you?" sneered Severus.

"Well, she may not want to admit it," said James pompously, "but I know she likes me. How could she not? I've got what every girl wants. I can't understand what she sees in you, Snape."

"Then that just proves how blind and arrogant you really are, Potter," Severus said condescendingly, narrowing his eyes. "Lily is a special girl, and she isn't about to settle for just anyone."

Snorting, James said, "But I'm not just anyone."

Incredulous, Severus glared down his nose at Potter, unable to understand how the boy could be so full of himself. Was it all really just for show, to cover his insecurities?

"Keep telling yourself that, Potter. Just because your thick head is incapable of grasping that some people see deeper than skin deep doesn't mean you're right. Lily and I have a history that you'll never have with her, at least as far as I'm concerned. I'll personally see to it that you never have a chance with her."

"Is that a threat?" James asked pointedly.

"Maybe it is," said Severus almost lazily, quite enjoying rattling Potter.

"You arrogant bastard-" James started to say, losing his cool, and making to hex Severus.

"That will be quite enough, Potter," Severus snarled, his own wand now fully out and in James's face. When Severus spoke, there was an authority in his tone that hadn't been there before when he was younger. For a split second, Potter gaped at Severus.

Finally backing off, Potter said harshly, "You can't speak for Evans, you junior Death Eater. I know your real passion, and it's not love for another. You're in love with Dark Magic, Snape, and I know it. You'll go nowhere in life but to your doom."

"Be careful of what you speak, Potter," Severus said seriously, quite angered, but keeping his voice clipped nonetheless. "You don't know the half of it."

"But I saved your life once, you worthless prick," James said.

"Meaning what?" Severus queried. "Oh, yes, Potter... I quite remember that little incident," he said in a low voice, every word becoming more waspish. "You have no regard for my life. You were only saving your own necks. You think I have forgotten what you said that day you humiliated me in front of the rest of the school? You hate the very fact that I even exist, Potter. Tell me, what kind of man thinks so lowly of the lives of others? You think yourself worth more than everyone else, even your friends, I'm sure, but you don't fool me. You're just a pathetic coward who can run home to Mummy and Daddy and ask for anything you so desire. Without Lily, you're just a shell of a person. You only want her so you can feel you've somehow triumphed."

Years of practicing his intimidation techniques on unsuspecting students had given Severus the extra edge he needed to drive the pointed nail deeper into the coffin. James Potter was nearly buried with insults, and dumbfounded, he had nothing to retort back with. They merely continued to glare at each other for several more seconds, and finally, James said, rather lamely, "Well, know this, Snivellus, I haven't forgotten that day in Potions... and I won't forget this conversation, either. Unlike you, I have friends who will back me up. I'd be careful if I were you."

With that, James left. Severus kept his wand out until the other boy had disappeared around the corner. Sighing, Severus returned to the dormitories. He had been effective in bringing Potter down a notch, but Severus knew many of the accusations he threw at the other boy could be true for himself as well. Hadn't he once thought the lives of others expendable, if only to get what he craved? Hadn't he once acted out of cowardice in serving Voldemort? He couldn't erase those memories, even if they were from another lifetime.

As Severus sat on his bed, grateful Avery and Mulciber weren't around, he wondered if he really did deserve Lily. It was true that he had loved her forever and had done whatever he could to protect her son, but had he done enough to right his wrongs? Did he honestly deserve another chance at life? What made him so special? Was Lily just some sort of unattainable goal, a wild chase, a trophy? Now that he had her, did he fear what he had?

He remembered Dumbledore's words: that his old memories would haunt him in this life, and only four months in, Severus knew this was a fact. As much as he tried to change events, he wondered if the outcomes would somehow wind up the same. Had Fate a cruel way of screwing him over not just once, but twice?

Don't be an idiot, Severus, he chided himself. You just kissed Lily full on the lips for the first time ever less than an hour ago. Haven't you always wanted her to return the affection you felt for her?

The ache in his chest that had been dull and constant before was now throbbing. Ever since the day he had driven her away in his other life, that pain was an everlasting reminder of his greatest mistake and worst memory. He couldn't understand why it hurt so much now. He had Lily, damn it. She was his as sure as the sun would rise in the morning, but what if the world ended tomorrow? There would be no sun. No Lily.

An emptiness, a pit of interminable depth, invaded his being, his very center. Severus could no longer pretend it didn't exist. Feeling hollow and desperate for an answer to this insurmountable feeling, Severus realized with a sinking feeling that it was him whom he couldn't live with.

He could try all he wanted to make amends. He could have all the love in the world and beyond for Lily, but his soul's scars were permanent. They wouldn't heal as long as he still opened them from time to time. Inflicting irreversible damage on himself had become as much a part of him as breathing.

Was James right? As Severus worth so little? He hated himself. He should be happy. He knew, oh, how he knew, but damn those feelings to hell... Severus closed his eyes, wishing that when he opened them, he would find himself dead again. Hadn't merely blinking brought him back to this accursed life before? Why shouldn't the opposite be true as well?

He opened his eyes, seeing the top of his four-poster bed glaring back at him. There would be no escape. Unable to be truly happy, and loathing himself all the more for it, Severus took a dark turn that day, the allure of the darkness more inviting than it had been in a long time.

If Lily were there, she would have demanded of him what he was doing. Even Severus wasn't sure.

All he knew was that he was his own worst enemy.