Many thanks to Trickie Woo for beta reading.

Chapter VIII: Saved

I should have known better. Teaching Occlumency to a fifteen-year-old, what was I thinking?

A thousand thoughts were racing through Severus’ mind that Halloween night. And no matter how much Poppy was nagging him, he refused to leave Morgaine’s side.

The girl had finally fallen asleep. She had crawled up under the covers like a cat hiding from a raging storm. He could see her eyelids flicker and her face twitch. He knew that she was reliving all her terrible memories in her sleep.

He felt the cold hands of guilt grip his guts. He had been the one who had awakened her sleeping Legilimency talents when he had neglected his own mental barriers. He had been the one who had awakened memories which Dumbledore had hidden away years ago. If it hadn’t been for him, Morgaine would still have that innocent smile on her face. Yes, he felt responsible, and therefore, he wasn’t going to leave Morgaine alone this night.

He wouldn’t find any rest anyway. What he had seen in Morgaine’s mind had awakened his own demons as well. He had made so many bad choices, done so many despicable things. He regretted each and every one of them.

He sighed. He couldn’t get the look on the face of Morgaine’s mother out of his head. The fear, the shame, he had seen it all before. There had been so many innocent women. Many of them had, just like Morgaine’s mother, stumbled into the Death Eaters’ midst without knowing what was awaiting them. Few of them had been allowed to leave again. They were broken, shattered, both physically and mentally.

He closed his eyes. He had taken part in this, too. He had never enjoyed it. He had seen the look on the women’s faces, heard their pleas for help. But there hadn’t been anything he could have done. There had only been two choices: made them suffer or suffer himself. And Severus knew all too well that the Cruciatus Curse was only one of the painful punishments for a Death Eater who stood up against the group. And even if he had refused, none of the women would have been saved.

I was afraid, so afraid. The memories that came back to me that Halloween night haunted my dreams for years to come. What I had witnessed the Death Eaters do to my mother wasn’t anything a six-year-old child is supposed to see.

And the things I had done. The things they had made me do. I had only been six years old, under a spell, led by older and Dark wizards, but all these explanations didn’t comfort me that night. I felt so guilty, and I was so afraid. What if I was bad? What if I was capable of evil?

Dumbledore had known. He had known what had happened to my mother and me, and he had decided not to tell. He had also known that Severus would gain access to these memories, and he had let it happen.

Dumbledore said that I needed to know about my past to understand my present and to make the right choices for the future. I trusted him then. I thought that he had made the right decision. I was too young to know any better.

Today, I know that Dumbledore was using us. He was using Severus. He was using me. We were all part of his master plan, and neither of us understood. I was too young to understand then, and Severus, well, Severus had always been Dumbledore’s man, through and through.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

What if I am bad?

Severus jerked awake, the memory of Morgaine’s words ringing in his ears. It took him a second to realize where he was. He had fallen asleep in his chair in the infirmary. Dawn was breaking.

He turned to look at Morgaine. She was sitting with her back against the headboard, with her knees pulled up and her chin resting on them. Her blue eyes were inquisitively fixed on him.

‘Have you been here all night?’ she asked.

Severus cleared his throat. ‘Yes, I have.’

He saw Morgaine chewing her lip. ‘So all this hasn’t just been a bad dream, has it?’

He slowly shook his head. He wished it had been.

‘It’s still early, Miss duLac. Try to get some more sleep.’ He got up to leave. ‘Come to my office tonight, eight o’clock. There is something you need to see.’

Severus left for the dungeons. He needed some time to think. There were a thousand questions on his mind.

Who was the Death Eater Morgaine’s mother had fallen in love with? Who was Morgaine’s father? Why had Morgaine’s mother stayed with the Death Eaters for six years before fleeing with her child? And what had happened to her afterwards? Had she returned to the man she loved? Had she returned to the Death Eaters?

There were so many questions and so few answers. And Severus knew that there was no point in asking: Morgaine didn’t have any answers, and Dumbledore wouldn’t tell.

But why hadn’t Dumbledore said anything? Why had he let Severus discover Morgaine’s memories? Why wouldn’t he say anything about Morgaine’s father? Severus had the strong suspicion that Dumbledore knew much more than he disclosed.

He frowned. He didn’t understand. Morgaine was scared, terrified by the thought that she might be bad. How could Dumbledore look into her eyes, see her desperation and still not tell?

Severus remembered the promise he had given Morgaine last night. He had promised to take care of her. And he intended to keep this promise. He was determined to do anything in his powers to prove to Morgaine that she was not and would never be bad.

He let his fingers trail over the books on the shelf behind his desk. He knew exactly which books to choose. Advanced Defence Against the Dark Arts, White Magic, The Power of the Light. He would teach Morgaine all the White Magic he knew.

She knocked at his office door at exactly eight o’clock. She was punctual as usual. Severus noticed that she was still pale. She hadn’t been to any classes today. And she hadn’t been to dinner either.

‘Have you eaten today, Miss duLac?’ he asked.

Morgaine nodded. ‘Yes, I had dinner with the headmaster.’

Severus raised an eyebrow. So she had spent time with Dumbledore. He couldn’t help but wonder if Dumbledore had told her anything more about her past, her mother, even her father maybe. But he didn’t ask. The girl had been through enough. She didn’t need him interrogating her.

He pointed towards the three books on his desk. ‘White Magic, Miss duLac, what do you know about it?’

For a moment, Morgaine looked confused but then her expression changed. Severus knew that look on her face. She was ready to learn. And he was ready to teach her.

‘White Magic is good magic,’ Morgaine said. ‘It’s protective magic, healing magic.’

Severus nodded. ‘Yes. And that is what I want you to learn now.’

She was talented and curious. As soon as she had mastered one protective spell, she asked for another one. Severus was pleased. Teaching her felt like making amends to her. And he was glad to see that now and then a smile lightened up her face.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Morgaine had changed. Severus sensed that clearly. It seemed to him as if she had grown up over night. Her childish innocence had disappeared. Severus often saw her walking through the grounds on her own. He was worried about her. She was brooding too much.

When the Christmas holidays arrived, Morgaine was one of the few students to remain at Hogwarts. Severus tried to talk to her in private a couple of times but she seemed to be avoiding him. It wasn’t until three days after Christmas that he managed to catch her. She was standing at the shore of the lake. He had seen her from the castle.

He almost expected her to run away when he approached her but she didn’t even turn around.

‘Have you been avoiding me, Miss duLac?’ He opened with a direct question. This wasn’t the time for empty phrases.

Morgaine took a deep breath before she spoke. She still wasn’t looking at him. ‘Magic is strong at this time of the year, Professor. I was feeling weak.’

‘And you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to hold up your mental barriers around me,’ he finished her thoughts.

She nodded, and Severus could see her chewing her lip.

He didn’t know what to say. He was so sorry that he had been the one who had caused her this pain and even sorrier that there was nothing he could do to make it go away.

‘Be assured that I will never touch your mind again, Miss duLac. Not unless you ask me to.’

Her eyes were fixed on the rippling surface of the lake. Severus could see her shiver. He took off his cloak and laid it around her. For a moment, his hands lingered on her shoulders. It felt good to protect her, even if it only was from the cold.

There, at the shore of the Black Lake, Severus promised himself that he would take care of Morgaine, that he wouldn’t let any harm come to her.

When they turned to go back to the castle, Morgaine spoke: ‘My grandmother is arriving tonight. She will want to talk to you.’

Sure enough, he was called to the headmaster’s office shortly after dinner. He entered to find Dumbledore sitting at his desk. Opposite him sat an elderly woman with short, grey hair and sparkling blue eyes. So Morgaine had inherited her eyes from her grandmother.

Severus looked around the office and caught sight of Morgaine. She was standing by the window, petting Dumbledore’s Phoenix. He noticed that her cheeks were slightly flushed. He couldn’t read her face. There was a look on it that he hadn’t seen before.

‘Morgaine, would you mind taking Fawkes outside?’ Severus heard Dumbledore say. ‘He has been sitting in here all day.’

He saw Morgaine shooting an icy look in the direction of her great-grandfather. Obviously she didn’t like being dismissed at the moment.

She picked up the Phoenix without protesting, but instead of heading directly towards the door, she took some steps in Severus’ direction. Her eyes met his just as they had so many times before.

‘Help me.’

It wasn’t more than a whisper, but it rang in Severus’ ears like a cry.

She had come to take me away. And Dumbledore didn’t seem to want to do anything to stop her.

How I hated him then. If it hadn’t been for him, Severus would not have taught me Occlumency and we wouldn’t have discovered those hidden memories. Yes, Dumbledore had started this game, and now he didn’t want to play anymore.

Now Severus had gotten the first opportunity to keep his promise. If he didn’t fight for me, I would have to leave Hogwarts that very night. I needed him to save me.

‘Severus,’ Dumbledore began as Morgaine had closed the door behind her. ‘Let me introduce you to Morgaine’s grandmother. She is also one of Morgaine’s guardians.’

Severus politely bowed to the women. ‘Madam.’

‘You make it sound as if I were a hundred years old. Please, call me Margaret.’

She offered him her hand and smiled. Severus noticed that Morgaine had not only gotten her eyes from her grandmother but also her smile.

‘So you are Morgaine’s Head of House,’ Margaret continued. ‘She speaks very highly of you.’

‘Margaret has come here,’ Dumbledore interrupted, ‘to discuss Morgaine’s future education.’

Severus frowned. Dumbledore’s voice sounded unusually cold, even snappy. He turned to Margaret again in order to hear what she had to say.

‘As you might know, we, meaning Morgaine’s guardians, have never been too happy with sending Morgaine into the Magical World. When her mother brought her to us, we promised that we would protect her from her past. Albus convinced us that she would be in good hands at Hogwarts. But now it seems as if her past has caught up with her.’

Severus nodded. He knew exactly what Margaret was talking about. Morgaine’s mother had brought her child to a secluded place to hide her from the Death Eaters. Morgaine had clearly not been supposed to know but now, because of him, she did.

‘After recent events, some of us don’t think that Morgaine should spend any more time in the Magical World,’ Margaret continued. ‘She has seen too much already. We want to take her home.’

She stepped closer to Severus and looked into his eyes.

‘I want you to know that we are not all of the same opinion. I for one am convinced that no harm will come to Morgaine at Hogwarts,’ she continued. ‘You are Morgaine’s Head of House and as I understand also her mentor. I would like to hear your opinion in the matter.’

‘It would be a big mistake to make Morgaine abandon her studies at this point,’ Severus said calmly. ‘When discovering her past, she also discovered talents she didn’t know she possessed. She needs proper training.’

‘Then what do you suggest?’ Margaret asked.

Severus was looking for the right words. He had to convince Margaret to let Morgaine stay. He couldn’t let her go now, there were still so many things he wanted to make right again.

‘I offer you my services,’ he finally said. ‘I will personally take care of Morgaine’s education and teach her everything she needs to understand her past and her talents.’

Margaret smiled. ‘I am convinced that you would take good care of my little girl. But the decision lies not with me alone. I will have to discuss this with Morgaine’s other guardians. We will let you know.’

And with these words, Severus was dismissed from Dumbledore’s office.

He went down the stairs to his own office. He was hoping to bump into Morgaine, but she was nowhere to be seen.

I should have said more, Severus thought. I should have convinced Margaret that it would be outright dangerous for Morgaine to abandon her education now.

For a moment he considered going back to the headmaster’s office but decided not to. He had been dismissed, and storming in there would only mean that he would make a foul out of himself. But he had also promised Morgaine to take care of her. He couldn’t fail her now. In his frustration he smashed a couple of phials and sent a cauldron flying into the wall. But it did nothing to diminish his frustration.

After what seemed like hours, there was a knock on his office door. With a flick of his wand, he cleaned up the broken glass and the cauldron, straightened up and went to open the door. It was Dumbledore.

‘Well, a decision has been made,’ Dumbledore announced.

Severus tried to read the old man’s face but without success. He had no idea what had been decided, and Dumbledore didn’t seem to be in a hurry to tell him. Instead, the headmaster seemed suddenly very interested in the bricks of the dungeon wall.

Severus felt his temper rising. Why was it that Dumbledore enjoyed keeping people on tenterhooks?

‘Well, dear Severus,’ Dumbledore finally continued. ‘How would you like to teach some extra lessons? Mainly Defence against the Dark Arts?’

Severus gave the headmaster a puzzled look. Now, what did this question have to do with anything?

Finally, Dumbledore turned to face Severus. His eyes were sparkling mischievously. ‘Well, Severus, if you don’t mind some extra lessons, I would like to hand over your protégée to you now.’

He held out his hand. Severus turned to see Morgaine stepping out of the shadows of the corridor.

‘Her guardians have decided that Morgaine will be well taken care of here. She will be allowed to finish her magical education under your guidance, Severus. Teach her well. Goodnight to you two.’ And humming merrily, the headmaster returned to his office, leaving Severus and Morgaine standing in the corridor. Neither of them really knew what to say.

‘It’s late, Miss duLac. Go and join your classmates in the common room.’

Morgaine inclined her head and turned to leave.

Thank you for saving me.

Severus wasn’t sure if these words had come from the girl’s lips or if her thoughts were echoing in his own mind.

But the thought that formed in his mind when he watched her walking down the corridor towards the Slytherin common room was crystal clear:

I have saved the both of us.

Severus returned to his office, his heart considerably lighter than only a couple of minutes ago.

Morgaine couldn’t have any idea of how much it meant to him that she was allowed to stay.