She was standing in front of the open refrigerator door trying to decide on tonight’s dinner. The kids would eat macaroni and cheese until it came out their ears (and sometimes did), but her husband got a little cranky unless there was a large slab of something beefy. If anyone had asked her preference --- thought no one did--- she would have fancied a fresh crabmeat salad, lightly dressed. And speaking of lightly dressed, she was still in her worn cotton nightie with the ketchup stain on the sleeve (one-size-fits-all, World’s Greatest Mom, $9.98 from Wal-Mart).
Suddenly, she shivered and it wasn’t from the cold air pouring out of her old fridge. Severus had slipped up behind her and was nibbling on her neck, breathing into her ear and pressing his Throbbing Manhood urgently against her ass.
“Where were you?” he demanded in that low snarl that always sent chills up her spine.
“Jeez Louise, Severus! You nearly gave me a coronary! Listen, precious, this isn’t really a good time. Jim and the kids are about to come down for breakfast.” She could sense his Stern Black Eyebrows arching, and when she turned, his mouth was a thin line.
He clutched her roughly. “Your breasts are driving me mad. I should tear these flimsy robes from you and take you right here on the table.” He was about to wildly sweep the Mr. Coffee, sugar bowl, cereal boxes and butter dish onto the floor, when she laid a restraining hand on his Taut, Muscular Arm.
“Severus, we’ve got to talk.”
“How can you talk of talking when it’s all I can do to keep from ravishing you?” he said as he buried his Craggy But Gorgeous Face in her hair and moaned with rapture.
She clutched a handful of his silky black robes and pulled him into the living room. Shoving a pile of magazines, toys, an empty soda can and the TV remote onto the floor, she made space for them on the sofa. Taking a deep breath, she said softly, “Darling, I’m going to have to block you.”
A shudder went through the Slender But Steely Frame of the Incredibly Delicious Potions Master. His eyes, black as night and full of pain, bore into hers. “No… no!”
“It’s not because I feel any less for you, Severus. It’s just that things are getting out of hand here at home. They’re starting to suspect. My kids are wondering why the hearth is covered with green powder and whose footprints are leading into the fireplace.”
“Damn the little brats,” he hissed. “I could transform them into gerbils,” he suggested hopefully. “You could keep them in a nice little cage.”
“Sorry, Severus, but my husband would notice. At least I think he would. And last week little Suzie found my Hogwarts uniform, and I’m not quite sure she believed me when I told her it was an old Halloween costume.”
“Mom, why did you put the coffee maker in the fridge?”
She whispered urgently, “You see what you do to me, Severus? When I think of you, I get distracted and careless. It’s not good for my family.” She reached out and traced her finger across his Cruel, Expressive Lips. “Or for us.”
“Damn your family. Let me take you away from all this. Take your pick. You could be Mary Sue, the Head Girl, Visiting DADA Teacher, Mysterious Woman From My Past… any Other Character you desire!”
“How can I leave all this? Okay, granted --- my kids are rotten, my husband’s a slob and my job as administrative assistant is boring me to death. But it’s reality. And you’re just…”
“Don’t say it, I beg you.” He crushed his mouth to hers as though to enter her very heart and soul. She struggled to resist, but, as always, quickly succumbed to his Masterful Caresses.
“Mom! Tell Billy to get out of the bathroom. I need it right NOW!”
With all the self-control she could muster she pulled away from her Dark Demon Lover and whispered, “No, Severus. You can’t come here any more. Just last night Jim found a handful of your buttons in the bed. I had to tell him they came off my black negligee.”
“You wear a black negligee for that… that poltroon? I’ll destroy him! I’ll tie a knot in his cock if he tries to lay a hand on you!”
“Now, darling, none of that.” She spoke rather sharply, but seeing Severus’ obvious distress, she added more gently, “After all, I’ve learned that I must share you with thousands of other women and have had to come to terms with it.”
He stood and pulled her back into a passionate embrace. “But, they’re not like you,” he growled deeply into her neck. “You and only you understand my good and bad, my dark and light, my yin and yang. Only you can assuage the Burning Passion that rages within me. I simply can’t face my life without you!” Tears now coursed down his Unbelievably Attractive Face.
“Who said anything about ending it?”
“Of course, darling! You bring such passion and variety into my life that I could never give you up completely. We can continue our assignations at my office. Believe me, I could do my job in my sleep --- and often have, but my dreams have been of you. Of us. Together. Shagging at Hogwarts. Bonking in Diagon Alley. Rutting in the Ministry of Magic. If I didn’t have you to dream about, I’d go barking mad.”
Severus gave a barely suppressed sob of joy and rapturously pressed her to him. He whispered in her ear, “Can we meet today? Will you wear that black bustier thingy I like so much?”
“I’ll go change now and meet you at the office in an hour!”
He tilted her face up to his and scowled down at her. “I think I must punish you for your impertinence today, madam. Prepare to be ravaged! I intend to throw you across the conference room table and plough you like a field!”
“Shirley, where the hell are my clean socks?”
“Oh Severus! You’re… you’re just... magic! Coming, Dear!”