"Now, Severus," the older man sighed, "you know what you have to do."

"What I have to do, Albus? Or what you're forcing me to do?" the younger man hissed. "I don't believe I'm hearing this! Do you realise what you are asking from me?"

"Severus, I know that much has been asked of you, you have had to bear the burdens of this situation far more than anyone else." Albus crossed the room and placed his hand on the dark man's shoulder. "I feel for you. But unfortunately, there is no other way."

"That doesn't mean I have to like it," Severus spat.

Albus looked resigned. "Neither of us do, old friend. Neither of us do."

Severus Snape resumed his pacing around the room. What Albus Dumbledore was asking of him was vile; the thought of it alone was enough to make him physically ill. Harry Potter! This was all his damned fault! If I ever get my hands on his scrawny neck, I'll gleefully choke the life out of him! After all I've done for the little brat, this is my reward? I should never have saved his hide from that broom-cursing-turban-wearing lunatic his first year; I lost one of my best robes that day. I should have left him and his cronies for that rabid werewolf; now wouldn't THAT have been an ironic twist of fate? Or, even better, I should have left him and that bastard Black as fodder for the dementors. No. A slow triumphant smirk crept on to his face. I should never have stopped that idiot Lockhart from pairing him against the equally half-wit Weasley with his broken wand; we would still be picking up pieces of the Boy Wonder today.

"Look at it this way, Severus, there are perks to it," said Dumbledore mischievously, pulling the darker man out of his reverie.

Snape's head snapped up and he fixed the bearded man with his coldest glare. "Perks? I fail to see how you can consider any of this a 'perk'. You, especially, must see how wrong this is. And I still don't understand why I have to be the one to do it."

Dumbledore sighed again. "You know that Ms Rowling made millions off of our story, Severus, and left us with nothing. We have to pay the bills somehow."

Snape turned to the headmaster, his voice dropping. "But a male pregnancy, Albus? It's disgusting! And by the sodding Boy-Who-Lived, no less! What are these fangirls thinking?"

"I think this story, in particular, was written by a young man."

Before Snape could answer, he heard the familiar call of "Places!" somewhere in the background. Inwardly, he cringed. Even the thought of the three o'clock sex scene with Mary-Sue couldn't make him like this. If he was lucky, the orgy scene in tonight's Dark Revel story might just take his mind off of what he did today.

"Perks, indeed."

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A/N:
Many, many, many thanks to LariLee for beta'ing this quick first little fanfic for me.

This is my first fic, please review!