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Lost Souls by Shanti [Reviews - 2]

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Warning: this chapter contains description of attempted (unsuccessful, non-graphic) rape. Please proceed with caution if you are easily disturbed.

Alternate Universe to Half-blood Prince.




Chapter 6: Dark Dances, Burned Bridges




The summer holiday was miserable. Remus was preparing to enter his final year at Hogwarts, and the war around them was escalating. Rowena had come no closer to forgiving her brother—both for rejecting her personally when she went to school, and for his selectively and poorly executed Prefect duties when it came to his friends’ viciousness against Severus.

John and Rebecca Lupin couldn’t fathom what had happened between their two children to cause such a rift. Rowena refused to be in the same room with Remus, and Remus refused to allow their parents to force the issue. Rowena was still blissfully ignorant of his lycanthropy, but when she learned of it, as she surely would, the attempt on Severus’ life would become all the more serious from her perspective. He couldn’t bear the reproach and disgust in her eyes.

Rowena spent the summer reading and studying for the upcoming year. As she had already studied these books and subjects when Remus was assigned them four years before, it seemed somewhat of a waste. When she tired of the revision, she switched to her more advanced sciences, and also persuaded her father to buy her more Defence Against the Dark Arts books. She still held to her desire to be an Auror.

Her father brought her to work with him often. He didn’t like the idea of his daughter taking on such a dangerous career, and so had her make rounds with him to visit patients who had been the particular victims of Dark Wizards. Voldemort seemed to be growing stronger by the hour, and had a group of powerful and frightening followers that called themselves “Death Eaters”.

She was disgusted and horrified by what she saw, but it only strengthened her resolve to be an Auror and help put a stop to such atrocities. This required her to ignore the tiny voice in her head, which constantly listed all the reasons she was so unsuited to such a career choice.

Another more important and nagging worry seeped into her mind as well. Some of the rumoured Death Eaters shared last names with many of Severus’ allies at school. Worse, when she happened to mention his name to her father as a skilled Potions student, John paled and asked if he was related to Devin Snape. Rowena, of course, had no idea.

“I don’t know who he’s related to, Daddy. He’s in Remus’ year, but in Slytherin House. I only know he studies a lot and he’s really good at potions. Why? Does it matter?”

John sighed and said, “Maybe. Devin Snape is a dangerous wizard with known Dark connections. He had a son that’d be about that age… it must be the same boy. Devin Snape’s wife was found savagely beaten to death about the time the boy was supposed to go to school. The child wasn’t found in the house. Devin said his son had run off and didn’t expect to see him again. The man didn’t seem the least concerned about the boy’s fate. Devin paid off a lot of people to get out of charges of killing his wife; he claimed she ‘fell down the stairs’.

“They’re a dangerous family all the way around. Generations of supporting the Dark Arts. They’d been wealthy at one point, but Devin’s father spent most of the fortune paying off the authorities to keep out of trouble. So, he married his son off to a wealthy pureblood girl, from France, I think I heard. I can’t imagine what kind of horrible life she must have had until the end. He’s got her money now, though. Nasty business.”

He sighed heavily and put an arm around her. “That’s the kind of family and power you’d be fighting against as an Auror, Rowena. You might catch someone you know is as evil as the day is long, and someone else will come right along and pay off the right people with the right bribes, and they’ll be free. And they always seek vengeance. It’s a dangerous job, and one I’d rather not see you in.”

This planted the first firm seeds of doubt in Rowena’s mind. She would have made every effort to ignore and overcome her own timidity and weaknesses. She really wanted to fight the Dark wizards. However, suddenly she imagined that if Severus was one, or became one, maybe even joined the Death Eaters, she might one day be forced into combat with him. (The derisive internal voice laughed at the idea of her successfully standing in combat with anyone. She continued, resolutely, to ignore it.)

She couldn’t imagine being willing to fight against him in that way. The new information of his family—surely it was he, he was the only Snape at Hogwarts—made her realise that his lust for vengeance and power probably had far deeper roots than a schoolboy feud.

Her heart filled with sadness for him. Sadness at the boy he was, who maybe had been beaten himself, or perhaps made to watch helplessly as his mother was abused. No wonder he cloaked himself in dark bitterness and stoicism. Her compassion and understanding for him deepened still further, as did her fascination.




Her third year. His seventh. After this year, she would likely never see him again, unless she did indeed become an Auror and saw him in opposite sides of combat. She spent the train ride with her friends from Ravenclaw, having finally developed some over the preceding year, though she maintained her Slytherin ones as well.

She didn’t see Severus until the Opening Feast. He was taller still again, but thinner and paler than ever. Blackness seemed to pour forth from his very soul. Younger students cringed and moved quickly away if he even glanced at them. His bitter, sneering scowl was a permanent part of his visage. His marks remained stellar, and he did not engage in any obvious or open hostilities with anyone. Yet he spoke to none but his own small group of ‘allies’. He did not date or seem to pay attention to girls at all. It was as though the Darkness within him consumed him and left room for nothing else.

Still, he intrigued Rowena. Something in her core being reached out to him in understanding and compassion. She couldn’t believe that his choice was one of true evilness of his own character, but rather the result of the gnawing anger and desire for revenge that she had seen in him. She continued to hope that he would find his way out of the pit in which he had placed himself.

He still somehow remained less cruel to her, if he had occasion to speak with her. Once she asked his advice on a Potions Essay: “The Five Primary uses of Dragon’s Blood in Potions”. She had four, but simply could not find the fifth. She had been working on it for days. At last, in desperation, she had asked him when she came upon him studying in the library.

He had raised his mocking eyebrow at her and silently held out his hand for her essay. Reading it quickly, he set it upon the table and marked a few lines on the parchment. When he handed it back to her, he met her eyes and gave her a rare smirk.

“This is quite adequate for a third-year student.”

She was in raptures. “Quite adequate!” Coming from him, that was extravagant praise indeed. Beaming at him radiantly, she gently accepted the parchment. Something unrecognised flitted across his impassive face as he looked into her smiling one, and for an instant his expression was less harsh. The moment was so fleeting that she barely noticed it. He quickly returned his attention to his book and said no more.

She recopied the entire essay so she could save the parchment with his writing on it.




As an olive branch, Remus invited Rowena to go with him to the Yule Ball that year as his guest. As a third-year, she couldn’t attend unless invited by an older student. She would have refused, except that she knew Severus would be there. If nothing else, she longed to see him in his dress robes. She accepted as graciously as she could. Remus knew of her consuming crush on Snape—and hated it—but he kept his mouth shut, as he didn’t want to worsen their relationship further.

The Ball was a beautiful thing. The Great Hall was decorated fabulously; the music was current and popular. Everyone was radiant in their best dress robes. Rowena wore dark burgundy silk robes that were simple and elegant. Remus helped her do up her hair as he used to before she came to Hogwarts, delighted that she allowed him that gesture of affection they had once shared. Together, they put it in an elegant bun with fine ringlets at her ears. He gave her a small pearl pendant as a Christmas gift, with matching teardrop earrings. For a skinny, mousy-coloured, thirteen-year-old girl, she looked reasonably pretty.

Upon arriving at the ball, she joined her own group of friends, and Remus his. Severus was there and looked much the same, as his dress robes were as black as everything else he wore. But they were a fine cut and tailored to him well. She had always thought him ruggedly handsome, prominent nose notwithstanding, and she could hardly take her eyes off of him.

He caught her staring once and gave her a rather unpleasant smirk. She danced once with her brother, a few times with some of the boys from her House, and very briefly with a seventh year Slytherin boy named Warrington. He wanted to dance with her further, but she didn’t like the way he kept trying to hold her closer and let his hands wander. The way he looked at her gave her chills, so she avoided him as best as she could the rest of the evening.

Surreptitiously, she managed to often be standing near Severus, usually by chatting with her friends from Slytherin. He danced with no one and didn’t even seem to be there with a date, though many Slytherin girls flirted with him outrageously. Their attentions seemed entirely wasted.

Some of the Slytherins seemed to be drinking from a flask they were passing around under the table. At one point in the evening, Severus came over to her and gave her a mocking smile. His eyes were dark with some hidden amusement and his words seemed slightly slurred. He had obviously taken his share of turns with the ubiquitous flask.

“Ah, the noble Miss Lupin. You do clean up nicely, I must say. Perhaps you care to dance?” He held out his hand to her, and her heart pounded in joyous fright, thinking he was asking to dance with her. Tentatively she placed her hand in his and immediately flushed at the feel of his very warm skin against her own.

But instead, he smiled cruelly at her and said, “You have been very unkind to my friend, Warrington.”

He held fast to her hand, while beckoning the other boy to come over to them with his other. “I think he rather fancies you. You really should learn to be more sociable.”

With a mocking laugh, he tried to give Warrington her hand. “You should dance together.” Warrington leered at her, grinning hungrily. She pulled away, mortified, and the two boys laughed at her apparent distress.

Thankfully, Remus came over at that moment, sensing her discomfort, and led her away to the dance floor. When she next saw Severus as she danced with her brother, he was smirking at her derisively.

He was not completely unaffected by her, however. Somehow the raw hurt in her eyes stabbed at whatever remainder of a conscience he possessed. He looked quickly away and stole another drink from the flask.

At last the dancing was over and they were dismissed to their dormitories. One of her earrings had fallen off, and she was obliged to stop to look for it. So it was that Rowena was quite a distance behind the rest of the Ravenclaw group when a hand clapped over her mouth and another around her waist from behind, and she was dragged her into a dark broom closet.

A wand came out and a silencing spell was placed upon her so she couldn’t speak or scream, and then a small lantern was lit. Warrington was there in the closet with her, leering viciously. He stepped closer. The rancid smell of old drink tainted his breath, so that the cupboard seemed to reek of it.

“I think you owe me a kiss, little Rowena. You avoided me all evening, and now I will have it,” he said as he lunged for her.

He was much larger than she was, and easily pinned her arms against her sides. She couldn’t reach her wand, and in an instant he had confined both of her wrists in one of his enormous hands. She was fighting, screaming silently due to the spell, but all her struggles were ineffectual.

He brought his face to hers in a horrible mockery of a lover’s kiss and tried to viciously force his tongue into her mouth. The smell and taste of him was vile, but his hand had grabbed her hair and she could not turn away. In an instinctive, defensive movement, she bit his tongue as hard as she could, gagging on the blood but gaining a moment’s reprieve.

Warrington howled in agony, oblivious to the fact that he was not silent. Flying into a rage, he began beating her savagely, punching her in the face, pummeling her chest so that ribs broke, ripping off her dress in one swift motion and preparing himself to finish what he had intended to do. He threw her onto the floor and forced her legs onto his shoulders as he lunged forward, painfully dislocating one of her hips in the process. Drunken fumbling with his own garments prevented his final conquest, as the door suddenly flew open.

Standing there, silhouetted in the blinding brilliance of the light from the corridor compared to the darkness of the closet, stood Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter. Remus grabbed Warrington and bodily threw him out of the cupboard, into the waiting arms of Sirius and James. They responded with enthusiasm and began to beat the boy as though he was nothing but a convenient punching bag. Pettigrew stood in lookout for teachers.

Remus conjured a blanket and wrapped it carefully around the beaten, bloody form of his sister. He lifted her easily and carried her quickly to the hospital wing.

Rowena’s nose was broken, leaving her with a bloodied face and two alarmingly blackened eyes. She had a concussion, numerous broken ribs, a broken arm and collarbone, and a dislocated hip. Warrington had not succeeded in the worst violation, but it was bad enough. Madam Pomfrey treated her injuries, while Remus stayed, holding her hand and refusing to leave her.

They had been there just over a quarter of an hour when the hospital wing door burst open. Severus stormed in, floating the unconscious form of Warrington before him. Remus stood to block his way, wand out and rage etched in every feature.

“Out of the way, Lupin. Your friends have beaten him nearly to death. He needs treatment now. You are all in enough trouble as it is,” Severus said, his voice its most dangerous silk.

Remus’ voice, in contrast, was a harsh, savage growl as he nearly shouted, “Get that scum out of here, or I will kill him myself! They beat him nearly to death because he tried to rape Rowena, and almost killed her in the process!”

Rowena let out a choked sob from behind him, conscious of the goings on, but unable to speak or move due to her injuries. Still, she wouldn’t have wanted her attack announced, especially not to Severus Snape!

Severus, however, stopped cold in his tracks. If possible, his pale face became paler. His voice for once lacked its bitterness, as he simply snapped out, “What?”

Remus gestured to the bed behind him, and Severus took a step to the side so he could see the figure lying there. Her delicate face was horribly deformed, her eyes swelling shut, each breath coming painfully, and she was still trembling violently from shock and fear.

“Bloody hell,” Severus swore in a much softer voice. He then stepped over to the side of her bed. Painful remembrances of his mother’s numerous injuries threatened to overwhelm him, but he pushed them aside with the practised ease of his new found coldness. Still, he was not unmoved by the girl’s plight.

“Miss Lupin, I assure you that this behaviour is not condoned by anyone in Slytherin House, regardless of what you may have been taught to think of us—even in light of our playfulness at your expense this evening. This will not go unpunished, far beyond whatever the law does in this regard, I assure you."

He then nodded to Remus, waved his wand again, and wafted the beaten body of Warrington back out of the hospital wing. Warrington was transported to St. Mungo’s, and never seen at Hogwarts as a student again.

Remus stayed with Rowena night and day. He didn’t leave for meals, for class, to sleep, nothing. She was terrified and traumatised emotionally, in addition to her physical injuries. It was a full week before she was willing to leave the hospital wing, and another before she felt adequate to attending classes.

Her brother and his friends seemed to take her personal security as their own responsibility, and from that moment on she was escorted everywhere by someone from Gryffindor House.

Apparently, on the night of the ball, when her House Prefect had found that she had not returned to the dorm, he had notified the Head Boy, Potter. Potter had grabbed his friends, and together they had looked for her. They still believed her to be only Remus’ distant cousin, but it did not change their enthusiasm to protect her. So it was that they had arrived in time to put an end to the assault.





The rest of the school year was nearly uneventful, though she kept to herself even more than usual. She was too embarrassed and ashamed of what had happened to be quite so assertive about being near Severus. In addition, some of her Slytherin ‘friends’ blamed her for Warrington’s expulsion, leaving her disinclined to maintain the relationships.

However, things changed dramatically for her again late in the spring when her Defence Against the Dark Arts class was assigned a particular essay—on werewolves. Suddenly, a lifetime of mysterious visits that Remus took where she was never allowed to go clicked.

Remus happened to come to check up on her while she worked in the library. It was a glorious day outside, so the library was empty of students except for Rowena. This was deliberate, as she generally only came during times when there wasn’t likely to be many other people inside. When she spotted him, she glowered at him, waving her essay in his face.

“How long?” she asked, angrily.

He looked at the essay and paled visibly. Running a hand through his hair, he sat down at the table across from her and gently handed back the parchment.

“Since the day you were born,” he replied simply.

She stared at him in stunned horror, gaping like a fish. It took several long moments of heavy, uncomfortable silence before she could catch one of the whirlwind thoughts spinning through her mind, and focus upon it enough to speak coherently.

“This is why you wouldn’t claim me as sister, isn’t it? You thought you were protecting me? But I suppose Potter and Black and Pettigrew know?” He nodded and her voice raised a notch.

“You could tell them, trust them, but not me?” Years of hurt and loneliness washed over her.

“You chose your friends over your sister. I hope you are pleased with your choice, Remus!”

With painful shock, another piece fell into place, and she became even angrier.

That’s what Black did last March, isn’t it? He somehow wanted to get you to attack Severus when you were….”

She couldn’t complete her sentence, but Remus nodded miserably.

“But you’re still friends with Black?” she choked, unable to believe the truth of it. “He tried to kill someone, and use you as the tool to do it, and you forgave him that?”

“Rowena, listen, let me explain, please?” he said imploringly. “Sirius is a bit reckless, that’s all. He meant it as a prank, he didn’t really think about anyone getting hurt.

“Besides, you know what Snape is like! Look how mean he was to you at the Yule Ball? He’s evil to the core, Rowena. It doesn’t justify what Sirius did, but it’s between him and Snape, okay?”

She stood up, grabbing her bag, and shook her head. “No! It’s not ‘okay’! Nothing can forgive that! He tried to kill Severus by turning you into a murderer, and you forgave him! Go away, Remus! I never want to see you again!”

Turning on her heel, she fled to her dorm, crying bitterly.





Her final weeks of that school year were painful ones. She had again shut herself off completely from her brother, and marked each passing day as taking her one step closer to the time when Severus would be gone from her life forever.

Each House had stuffed animal replicas of their House creature, available for purchase. These opened along one seam to reveal parchment pages for a memory book of sorts, to collect mementos and autographs of fellow students. Rowena bought a Slytherin Snake, in addition to her Ravenclaw Eagle, and persuaded one of her remaining Slytherin friends to obtain Severus’ signature for her. His was the only signature in the snake, and she hid it away with other “Severus Artifacts”, to be looked at often when he was long gone from her life.

Leave-taking day arrived. The final feast was as glorious as all other Hogwarts feasts, but the seventh year students were notably subdued with the sort of melancholy excitement which heralds the end of one phase of life, and the beginning of another. When Dumbledore’s closing speech was over, the seventh-years rose from the table as one, and left the school.

He was gone and a huge hole settled in her heart.



Lost Souls by Shanti [Reviews - 2]

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