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Lost Souls by Shanti [Reviews - 1]

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Alternate Universe to Half-blood Prince.

In this chapter we see the events from ‘Snape’s Worst Memory’ from an outside observer’s point of view. The scene in question is from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, by JK Rowling, and no copyright infringement is intended.




Chapter 4: Fascination




Rowena was indeed sorted into Ravenclaw House, just as Severus had said she would be. She was surprised to discover her brother, by virtue of association with James and Sirius, had some popularity with girls. Many girls flocked to Rowena in her first few weeks of school because of her last name. This brief flare of popularity died away almost instantly, when they discovered she was only ‘distantly’ related to the other Lupin, and therefore couldn’t introduce them.

Remus took his first opportunity to speak with her in private, ducking with her into a small alcove off the Great Hall just after breakfast on her first morning. He spoke quietly and rapidly, all but begging her to avoid Severus Snape. He enumerated things about Severus being in with a dangerous crowd, and all sorts of wild stories about curses and hexes, which Severus had supposedly exchanged with James and Sirius. Somehow, of course, Potter and Black were frequently innocent in these exchanges, while Severus was invariably the black-hearted, Dark-Magic wielding villain. Remus went on at length while she stared up at him silently, becoming angrier by the second.

When he finished his brotherly rant, she calmly and impassively slapped him in the face. “You lost all right tell me who I could talk to when you decided you weren’t my brother. Guess what, Remus? You don’t get a vote on my friends. I don’t care if I never speak to you again. Go away.”

She stormed off to her first class, and that was that. He avoided her religiously, and she convinced herself she didn’t miss him.

The loss of her brother, as well as the assistance she had hoped he would provide during her first weeks at school, simply intensified her innate shyness. Even her advanced knowledge of the subject matter didn’t give her enough courage to volunteer information in class or actively participate in discussions. When she sought to delve more deeply into a project or lesson, she would wait until class was over and discuss the topic with the professors in private.

Rowena also began to develop a bit of pureblood prejudice early in her school career, notwithstanding her own half-blood status. She was hopelessly bored with her first-year classes. Her extensive private study and love of learning had caused her to be ahead of her classmates, so she felt she was held back by the need to move slowly so the ‘Mudbloods’ could catch up. She wished that Muggle-born wizards were taught separately.

Boredom gave her mind time to wander, and often the subject of these ruminations focused upon the dark, brooding boy she had met on the train.

She was drawn to Severus like a moth to flame. He had been quite right about Slytherins courting her for revision assistance and homework help. She found that as long as they didn’t expect her to cheat, ask to copy her work, or expect her to do it for them, she didn’t mind helping them. She developed several friendships—she couldn’t think of them as mere ‘allies’—among the first-year Slytherin girls.

These friendships benefited her as well, by providing her a ready excuse to be amongst the Slytherins at a wide variety of times. She could be near Severus at many free moments without looking suspicious. Close enough to hear him talk, to see him interact with his circle of ‘allies’. What they seemed to have in place of friendship was a strange sort of mutual-intimidation, and a grudging respect held by fear. Observing it helped her understand his “Rule of A’s” definition.

She had barely exchanged two words with Severus since the train. He did give her an amused, knowing look one day in the library, as she was surrounded by her Slytherin friends. She grinned back at his now-familiar quirked-eyebrow smirk.

The fact of the matter was that Rowena Lupin was developing quite a fascination for Severus. She was certain that she was beneath him, both in purity of blood—something she quickly learned most Slytherins held very dear—and intelligence.

She hadn’t fully realized the extent of his brilliance until she noticed that the fifth year Slytherins had no ‘Ravenclaw pet’, though all the other years did. This was because Severus was their homework tutor for his year. He was an even harder task master than any of the instructors, and refused to answer any question or provide any assistance unless the seeker could prove they had given the matter serious thought and effort on their own.

Moreover, when their Potions professor was ill, Severus, not a seventh-year, took his lower classes for the day.

He was brilliant. He was incredibly intense in everything he did. He was dark and mysterious. He hid his emotions and thoughts behind an almost perfectly unruffled mask of total indifference and calm, and yet his sharp eyes missed nothing. He intrigued her.

He was also cold, distant, and in love with Lily Evans. Well, maybe not love, but Lily intrigued him as much as he intrigued Rowena. She was rational enough to face the truth—Lily was beautiful and of his same year. Her vivid auburn hair and startlingly green eyes were a flashy, eye-catching contrast to Rowena’s mousy uniformity. An eleven-year-old child wasn’t going to compete with a fifteen-year-old young woman!

He made no outward sign of this attraction, but Rowena recognised in him the same surreptitious methods of being close to the object of his fascination that she used to be near him. If Lily was nearby, his dark eyes frequently sought her.




There was a personal vendetta of sorts between Severus and two of Remus’ friends. Rowena had no idea if it started with Potter or Black, or whether they or Severus had begun the feud. The fact remained that if they passed each other in a relatively deserted hallway, curses and hexes would fly.

It was her opinion that Severus was much more subtle and skilled at these altercations. He was secretive and always seemed to act on his own, so there were never witnesses to his actions, merely rumour and suspicion.

Potter and Black, on the other hand, always liked to have as large of an audience as possible whenever they would take on Snape. It outraged her that they couldn’t manage their little feud—whatever it was—on a private level, but had to add sheer humiliation to the list of injuries they would inflict upon Severus.

Remus never involved himself in their altercations in any way. He did not participate, nor did he intervene. As Potter and Black could become particularly nasty at times, this only added to her disappointment and disillusionment with her brother. He was a Prefect. He had the power and authority to stop Potter and Black’s behaviour. But their friendship and acceptance was more important to him than doing what he must know was right. She was disgusted with him.

All of this continually added to the intensity of her fascination with Severus. He was in with a dangerous crowd of friends—she could not delude herself to that. The group could sometimes be seen sneaking off to the grounds with a disguised book which one or the other of them had managed to acquire. (Rowena’s Slytherin friends told her they were usually books on Dark Magic.) Severus was the ringleader. He would sit with the book on his lap while the others surrounded him, clearly clinging to his every word as he apparently discussed what he was reading.

Rowena’s own thirst for knowledge for the simple sake of knowledge led her to want to see and learn some of it herself. Was it really that horrible? Would he talk to her more if she showed interest?

She had no darkness in her own soul, though. In fact, when news of Voldemort and his early reign of terror began to seep into Hogwarts, she—like nearly half of the student population—had dreams of becoming an Auror when she finished school. Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, and Transfiguration were her best subjects. Potions would be her downfall there—the subject was a continual struggle no matter how much study she poured into it.

Still, it was important to have goals, and so she allowed herself to aspire to that prestigious and dangerous career.




Her first year at Hogwarts was a productive one in many ways. Though she could not say she developed any close friendships over the year, she did gradually overcome enough of her shyness to become comfortable with her classmates. A fellow Ravenclaw first-year taught her to play Wizards chess when she expressed interest in the game. She decided to learn it when she saw Severus playing one day in the courtyard with one of the older students from her House.

Slytherins, it seemed, did not hold much stock in strategy games. Apparently, they received their strategy satisfaction in real life manipulations. But Severus appeared to enjoy the game; his whole attention was focused as he played with the same intensity that he gave to everything he did, and so she had learned.

Photography became another hobby early in that year. It was one more method she used to feed her ever increasing near-obsession with Severus Snape. She learned the techniques for developing the film properly, for capturing the most artistic angles and views, and for positioning her subjects or objects in the best light. Her parents indulged her with high-quality equipment at Christmas.

By the end of the year, she had several albums full of photos. Teachers, classmates, friends, Hogwarts grounds and surrounding scenery, nothing escaped her lens. The resultant photos, for the most part, were artistic and pleasing to the eye. It might take a casual observer some time to notice that in nearly every photo, there was a nondescript, pale, dark-haired boy with a rather prominent nose.

This boy was generally in the background. He was even often nearly hidden by other people, trees, or other objects in the photo. In none of the photos did the image of the boy seem the slightest bit aware that he was being captured on film. Regardless of his placement in the photo, his image was in the sharpest focus of anything else, even clearer than the ostensible subject of the snapshot.




One fine, June day near the end of her first year, she took her camera out to the lake. She and some of her Slytherin friends sat in a sunny patch of grass near the bank of the water, discussing the end of their exams and their plans for the summer. It was the lazy, idle chatter of early adolescent girls.

Rowena’s mind wandered to Severus, wondering how he was faring with his O.W.L. exams. As though she had conjured him by thinking of him, she looked up to see him walking in their direction, his eyes boring into an examination paper.

She smiled and looked away, checking her camera for film. Severus liked to sit under the large beech tree on pleasant days, and perhaps she could get her friend Valerie to pose for a picture so he was in the background. Their group wasn’t sitting too far away from the tree, and with her telescopic lens, she should be able to see him clearly.

Looking up at the tree in question through her camera lens, she saw, to her annoyance, the “Fabulous Four” were already lounging there, laughing and talking.

And then it happened… so suddenly that she couldn’t be certain what had started it. James Potter had his wand out and Severus was on the ground, struggling to move. Rowena gasped, and the other girls she was sitting with looked to see what had shocked her. As one, almost involuntarily, they stood up so they could see better, morbidly fascinated to see what was going on.

Potter and Black were tormenting Severus. There was no other way to describe what they were doing. Severus was wandless, unable to defend himself in any way; his usually impassive face contorted in such an expression of rage that it was a frightful visage. Pettigrew was laughing uproariously.

Remus—her brother. Remus the Prefect. Her protector. The one she had adored worshipfully from birth... Remus Lupin was studiously reading a book and pretending to be oblivious to what was going on.

Tears of fury and rage stung Rowena’s eyes as she glared at her brother, willing him to do something to stop this horrific humiliation. Potter waved his wand and copious amounts of pinkish white foam began to pour from Severus’ mouth, causing him to choke and gag.

Everything was happening so quickly, Rowena felt paralyzed, helpless and horrified. She wasn’t near enough to hear anything but the tones of voice—but what she could see was upsetting enough.

The scene only worsened when Lily Evans walked by. Potter was more determined to show off, but Lily was disgusted by the display and tried to make him stop…which he did temporarily. Rowena felt a surge of gratitude and respect for Lily she had never known before.

During the brief lapse, Severus managed to reach his wand and hurl a hex at Potter, which left the Gryffindor with a long, bleeding gash in the side of his face. Instantly, Potter flicked his wand and Severus was suddenly hanging upside down, dangerously high in the air.

This upset Rowena more than anything she had seen so far—her own terror of heights had her hands sweating in sympathy for his plight, her heart pounding somewhere in the vicinity of her throat. What if Potter lifted the spell too quickly? Severus might break his neck in the fall!

Lily spoke, and James dropped Severus—hard. Rowena and the girls around her gasped again, involuntarily. Severus appeared to be uninjured, thankfully. He jumped to his feet with the speed and agility of a striking snake, wand at the ready.

The voices carried to Rowena and her friends, but the words were lost in the distance. The anger in the exchange was clear enough as they shouted at one another—Lily, James, and Severus in turn.

Rowena’s group of first-year friends stood rooted to the spot. Any one of them would have gladly rushed to Severus’ aid, if they only had the skill to hope to stand up to fifth-years. The Slytherin girls would have helped because it was always good to have an older student in your debt. Rowena wished to be brave enough to intervene because of her deep fascination for Severus. Besides—no one deserved to be treated like that!

An ever-increasing crowd of people wandered nearer and nearer the debacle, adding to the humiliation factor for Severus.

At last, it seemed to be over. Lily said something scathing to Potter, then turned her back on him and walked away with her friends. As soon as she had rounded the path and was no longer in direct sight of the boys, however, Potter began again, this time in full rage, and Severus was once again dangling horribly upside down.

Rowena could stand it no longer. She stepped forward with the intention to do something, anything, even though she was only a first-year. Blessedly, Professor McGonagall came storming out at just that moment to see what the crowd was about. Her fury and rage were such as Rowena had never seen.

“What in Merlin’s name is going on here?” she shrieked, enraged.

Potter released the spell immediately—taking care to lower Severus to the ground gently this time—and offered the professor what he apparently thought was a winning smile.

“Nothing, Professor,” he said cheerfully. “We were only practicing some of the spells we were just tested on. You know, to see if we remembered them properly. Just having a bit of fun.”

McGonagall’s lips thinned to a pale white line, her face contorted with rage. “Mr Potter,” she began, icily, “I am ashamed of you! All four of you! Fifty points from Gryffindor!”

“Professor, really…” Potter tried to interrupt.

“Potter! You are on the verge of being expelled from this school. I suggest you hold your tongue! Fifty points each. Detention every night until you board the train to go home.

“Lupin, I will be discussing with Professor Dumbledore the wisdom of allowing you to continue on as Prefect in the future, and advising him against it. Black, Potter, if two you are allowed back to school next term, you will have two more weeks of detention to start the year. You may all four consider yourselves on probation from this moment. I have never been more ashamed of Gryffindor behaviour in my life! Four on one! Now, march up to the school this instant!”

Pointing a long, thin finger imperiously in the direction of the castle, she stood scowling at them while they hastily gathered their belongings and got to their feet. She marched behind them like an angry jailer.

As the boys walked past where Rowena and her friends were standing, only Remus had the decency to look truly chagrined. Potter and Black exchanged rolled-eye glances and amused smirks. Pettigrew was still grinning happily.

Remus looked up to see Rowena staring at him with a look of total loathing. His red and embarrassed face paled to sickly white. He knew what she had seen. He knew that she would never, ever forgive him this breach of duty and trust. If she hadn’t been lost to him before, she was now.

McGonagall looked at the group of Slytherin girls and Rowena as she passed. She nodded at them brusquely. “Girls, please see that Mr Snape gets safely to the hospital wing. I will check on him there, shortly.”

As one, they all rushed to Severus, where he sat still spitting foam from the Scouring Charm, but appeared otherwise unhurt. His robes were in disarray, as was his hair, while his exam paper had been blown away by the breeze and caught high in the tree. Two of the Slytherin girls helped him up, though he irritably wrenched his arms away and began to stalk to the castle himself, casting an angry glance at his lost exam paper. Rowena dawdled a bit behind the others and pulled out her wand.

Accio exam,” she said, capturing the paper and following them inside.

In the hospital wing Madam Pomfrey was able to cancel the charm at once, but she also made him drink a neutralizing potion to counteract any possible poisoning effect that might result from swallowing the soapy substance.

McGonagall arrived soon after to check on his condition. She did not make the girls leave—apparently she felt the boy deserved some supporters in light of the humiliation he’d been made to suffer.

“Mr Snape, I am glad to hear you are well. I have duly punished the boys involved. I want to make it clear that, however you might feel it is justified, you are not to undertake retaliation for this event. This sort of behaviour must stop. They have been dealt with most severely, and you can be assured it will not be permitted to happen again.”

Severus, by this time, had managed to resume his mask of impassivity. He merely nodded, though his eyes still glittered brightly.

“Thank you, Professor,” he said, and Rowena was quick to notice the trace of sarcastic irony in his voice, “I’m sure it is being handled as well as all the prior instances have been.”

McGonagall bristled a bit at this, and admonished, “Mr Snape, for some reason you and Mr Potter and Mr Black have been bent on mutual destruction from the moment you set foot in this school. When you provoke each other deliberately, you should not be surprised when unpleasantness results. This is precisely why I insist that this cease, now. I hope I am understood?”

Severus smirked and nodded again. “Perfectly, Professor.”

But the dangerous glitter didn’t leave his eyes.

McGonagall’s eyes narrowed to look at him suspiciously, but she apparently decided to be satisfied with his answer. She nodded and left the room. The girls were all left standing about, awkwardly. Rowena took care to stay towards the back, and for once was thankful that she was small for her age.

“What are you gawking at? Get out of here before I hex the lot of you,” he snarled angrily at them. Their presence merely reminded him of how many people witnessed his humiliation at the hands of Potter. By morning, the whole school would know.

As one multi-headed, multi-legged creature, the girls turned to leave quickly, not wanting to see him carry out his threat. But Rowena stopped and faced him, trembling slightly in nervousness. However, her own anger was almost a match for his, the desire for justice on his behalf burning no less brightly in her heart at the moment than his own. She met his gaze defiantly and stepped over to the bed, holding out his exam paper. It rattled slightly in her shaking hand.

He looked at her in surprise and distrust, but snatched the paper. He nodded once. “Thank you. Now get out.”

She left straight away.

Lost Souls by Shanti [Reviews - 1]

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