HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 28: Everything Happens to Me


*~~~*~~~*

As Clancy descended the staircase to the dungeons, she wondered what mood she would find Snape in today. He certainly hadn’t been at his best last night. In fact, she admitted to herself, she had felt somewhat afraid of him. At most times, Snape seemed so self-controlled that she couldn’t read him at all. Then, unexpectedly, he would explode into fits of anger.

Halfway down the steps, she stopped abruptly. Eyes still red from crying over Lupin’s departure, she realized that her highly emotional state might upset Snape further. Either that or he’d be elated to learn that his imagined rival would soon be gone. Clancy turned, and decided to pay a call on Dumbledore, instead.

She found the headmaster sitting alone in the staff room. He looked up when he saw her enter.

“What are you doing indoors on such a fine, warm day? I thought you’d be in Hogsmeade shopping this afternoon.” He smiled at her serenely, as if nothing remarkable had occurred last night.

“I’ve just come from saying goodbye to Remus. It won’t be the same here without him.”

“Try not to be too hard on Severus about this, Clancy. He suffered an immense disappointment. Even though he was ignorant of all the facts, he still acted heroically.”

Clancy took a seat across the table from Dumbledore. “In light of what facts, Albus? What does Severus have to do with Remus leaving?”

“He told the Slytherins this morning about Remus’ condition. Remus decided it was in Hogwarts’ best interest to resign before parents began complaining to the school governors.”

“This is outrageous!” Clancy stormed. “Just because I shared my Dr. Pepper with him? Severus is overreacting!”

“Calm yourself, Clancy,” Dumbledore said soothingly. “I’m afraid the animosity Severus feels toward Remus goes much deeper than that. Severus has always been reticent to speak of his past. I’m not surprised he hasn’t confided in you. Perhaps if I told you what happened between them when they were students, you would have a better understanding of why he was out of sorts last night.”

“Please do. I want to know.”

“Briefly,” Dumbledore began, “Sirius Black and Remus were friends at school. Sirius put Severus in danger by luring him into a trap. He almost came face to face with Remus while he was transforming. Severus might have been killed if another boy hadn’t learned of the matter and rescued him. To this day, Severus believes that Remus knew of the prank, but I can assure you, he did not.”

“And he’s still harboring a grudge after all these years?

“Yes. And when he found Remus and Sirius together last night, Severus had to confront painful memories.”

“I see. But Severus came to see me afterward and kept on about you not believing him. What did he mean?”

“Did he tell you he was hit with a Disarming Charm and was unconscious for a time?”

“Yes, he did mention that,” Clancy confirmed.

The headmaster continued, “Three at once, actually. Certain facts came to light during that time of which Severus was unaware. Something occurred that proved Sirius to be innocent. And, by a fortuitous turn of events, he escaped last night. Severus feels he was cheated out of his reward for capturing him.”

“Black escaped? How?”

Dumbledore stroked his beard and smiled winsomely. “It’s quite baffling. With all the security measures within the castle, I can only speculate that he must have had impeccable timing.” He rose from his chair. “Now, if you will excuse me, I –“

“Albus, what is a Death Eater?” Clancy interjected casually.

The elderly wizard’s eyes de-twinkled, and he resumed his seat. “I beg your pardon?”

“I’d like to know what a Death Eater is. Filius told me that Severus used to be one. When I asked him to explain what it meant, he suggested I speak with you.”

There was an abrupt shift in the headmaster’s demeanor. He frowned sadly. “Do you recall the conversation we had concerning Severus shortly after you arrived at Hogwarts?” Clancy nodded. “I alluded to a dark period in his life, of which even Hillary was unaware. It was during that time that Severus became a Death Eater. He was at a crossroads, and unfortunately, he selected the wrong path, for a time.”

“But, what is a Death Eater?” she persisted. "Did Severus break the law or do something wrong?”

“Someday, when he is ready, he will find the words to tell you.”

Clancy was determined to have her questions answered. “He refuses to speak with me about it. Please, Albus, tell me. Did he do something wrong?”

“He made many mistakes, but that was in the past. You must judge him as he is today – as you know him. We must learn from the past, but we must not dwell on it.”

Clancy tilted her head and wrinkled her nose. One of the headmaster’s stock profundities that sounds paradoxically simple yet complex, but in reality, means nothing. Translation: Stop asking questions. She decided to pursue the topic until Dumbledore provided her with concrete information. “Why do you trust Severus so completely if you knew he was unreliable in the past?”

He smiled patiently. “Do you trust him, Clancy?”

“Yes,” she replied without hesitating.

“Why?”

“Well, I…because he’s…I just do.”

“There’s your answer. Some things are unexplainable. If you know in your heart that something is a certain way, then nothing on earth can convince you otherwise. Do you understand?”

Clancy nodded her head slowly in defeat. This was what her private conversations with Dumbledore had been like ever since she’d met him. She always left the room knowing less than when she’d entered.

“Severus is an extremely complicated man, Clancy, as you well know. If he were one-dimensional, you would have tired of him by now. Think of him as a puzzle, or a thorny anagram.” Dumbledore was selling her a bill of goods, but she wasn’t buying. The headmaster rose once more to leave. “By the way,” he inquired, “have you made plans for your summer holiday? I imagine you must be eager to visit your friends in Pasadena.”

“No, I haven’t made any plans. I’ll probably remain here at the castle.”

“Really? I would think you would enjoy a change of pace. Give it some thought.”

“I’m happy here. I couldn’t bear to leave Sev--, er, Hogwarts.”

With a cryptic smile, Dumbledore excused himself and left Clancy alone. She rose and poured herself a goblet of pumpkin juice from the sideboard, trying to analyze the peculiar expression in Dumbledore’s eyes just before he exited. She decided that they’d reflected a mixture of sorrow and calculation.

As she sipped the juice, Clancy was struck by the irony of her relationship with Snape. She had complete faith in him even though she knew nothing of his past. He had drugged her with Veritaserum, but still, she rationalized, he had done it to assuage his own insecurities and suspicions about her. She, on the other hand, had never deceived Snape; yet, after all their nights of intimacy and her obvious devotion to him, he still didn’t trust her.

Perhaps I should return to Pasadena for the summer. My absence may be just the kick in the pants Severus needs. If he missed me, it might light a fire under his cauldron. Then, by next Christmas, who knows? We could be engaged, or even married! I could be Mrs. Severus Snape – the wife of a petty, emotionally unbalanced wizard who’d squander the family fortune on Dr. Pepper and keep dark secrets from me.

Clancy shook her head, appalled by her bad taste in men. Downing the last trickle of juice, another thought played through her mind: Did she really want to get away from Hogwarts for a while, or was that what Dumbledore wanted her to do?


*~~~*~~~*

Later that afternoon, Dumbledore Flooed unannounced to Snape’s office. He found the wizard extracting pus from a slimy black plant that resembled a slug.

“Still trying to perfect your Acne Potion, Severus?” Dumbledore inquired.

Snape stopped his work and regarded the headmaster. “You rarely Floo to my office to discuss Potions research. I imagine the real purpose behind your visit is to call me down for my actions this morning and to try to convince me yet again that Potter had nothing to do with Black’s escape.”

“Then you would be mistaken, Severus. I came to inquire if you’ve made plans for the summer.”

With a snort, Snape replied, “A rather pointless question. I never make plans. I shall remain at the castle basking in solitude, all the while relishing my all too brief respite from the feeble minds of my charges.”

“Have you given any thought to Clancy?”

Snape sensed that he was about to be lectured, and that any moment now, the headmaster would lower his spectacles and give him that stern, paternal expression. His privacy was about to be invaded, and there was very little he could do about it.

“In what way?” he answered warily.

Dumbledore did not disappoint. The spectacles slid down his nose and he regarded Snape as if he were a wayward child. “Have you given any thought to what might make Clancy happy? Surely you could spare the time to take her somewhere special.”

“What would you suggest? You know it wouldn’t be wise for us to flaunt our relationship in public. She is much safer if she remains at Hogwarts.”

“True,” Dumbledore admitted, “but I see no harm in taking her out in Muggle society. You should broaden your horizons and explore her culture.”

“I have no intention of doing so. From the little I’ve seen of the Muggle world, I am far from impressed. Besides, Clancy is a most trying travel companion. She has a weak stomach; Floos and Portkeys are out of the question. Broomsticks make her airsick, and I am reluctant to attempt a Side-Along Apparition. She would invariably place a stranglehold on me, knock me off balance, and manage to splinch a trail of our body parts from Hogsmeade to Sussex. Moreover, I would need to pack at least one half dozen spare pairs of trousers.”

“Very well, Severus. I see your point. However, why not try this?” Dumbledore reached into his robe pocket and handed Snape a small rectangular piece of heavy woven fabric.

Snape studied it carefully, running his finger across the intricate weave. “It’s a bit worn, isn’t it?”

“It’s been in my possession since 1893, but it’s still quite serviceable,” Dumbledore assured him.

“Hmm. I thought Weasley had placed an embargo on these.”

“Only on future imports. Although he is correct in classifying this as a Muggle artifact, this one is over a century old and the Ministry has no jurisdiction over it.”

Snape placed the item in his pocket. “I’ll think it over.”

“Do that, Severus. Don’t wait too long, however. Clancy may decide to return to Pasadena to spend her holiday.”

“She can’t!” Snape said, with a distinct note of panic in his voice.

“Oh? Why not?”

“Because I’d miss --” Snape cut off his admission, realizing that he had just fallen prey to Hogwarts’ master meddler.

“You were saying?” Dumbledore prompted.

Snape turned back to his work and squeezed a jellied mass of pus from the shiny swellings of a particularly plump bubotuber. The overpowering smell of petrol permeated the room. “I’m surprised you’ve never been approached to pen an advice for the lovelorn column for The Quibbler,” he observed. “You would be well-suited for the position.”

“Thank you,” the headmaster returned brightly. “The next time I fall out of favor with the school governors, I will give your suggestion serious consideration. In the meantime, however, I have other matters to which I must attend. I believe Fawkes is scheduled for a Burning Day and I want to be there to welcome him when he peeps through the ashes.” Dumbledore stepped back into the Floo.

“I’m having a Burning Day myself,” Snape muttered under his breath.

“What was that?” Dumbledore asked, looking back toward the Potions master.

“I’m learning more everyday about the properties of bubotuber pus.”

“Splendid, Severus! Keep up the good work!” Dumbledore reached for a handful of Floo powder. “By the way,” he added, leaning his head out from the Floo, “I spoke with Clancy earlier. Filius mentioned to her that you were a Death Eater; she came to me for answers. I told her you would explain everything to her when you were ready. Have a pleasant afternoon!” He released the powder and vanished in the flames, leaving Snape to ponder his latest predicament.

This day promises to be as abysmal as yesterday. So, it wasn’t Lupin who told her, but Filius. She’ll be pressing me for answers this evening. I’ll lose her if I confess, but if she catches me in a lie, she’ll want nothing more to do with me. I must find a way to tell her and make her understand, but not here at the castle. I’ll take her somewhere remote where she will be forced to hear me out. He reached inside his pocket and manipulated the piece of fabric that Dumbledore had given him between his fingers. Hmm…I wonder. It might be worth a try, at that.


*~~~*~~~*

Clancy noted the time on her mantle clock. It was after 9:00 p.m. and she hadn’t seen or heard from Snape all day. She’d caught a glimpse of him at breakfast from a distance, but he didn’t dine in the Great Hall for lunch or dinner. She worried that perhaps his head injuries were bothering him. But, if he didn’t have the common sense to see Madam Pomfrey, there wasn’t much she could do about it.

She decided, at last, to shower and turn in early. Turning on the spigots full force, she undressed and entered the stall.

A few moments later, Snape arrived by Floo. Hearing the sound of running water, he removed his clothes and joined her under the steam.

Clancy shrieked as he touched her shoulder, startling her. “Please don’t sneak up on me like that! I’d really appreciate it if you’d let me know when to expect you!”

“I prefer the element of surprise.”

“There’s a distinct difference between surprise and heart failure.”

“You don’t seem particularly disquieted.”

“How would you know? You’re not looking at my face.”

In one swift move, they were entangled in each other’s arms, soaping and scrubbing, shampooing and scratching, and kissing their way to cleanliness.

“How is your head feeling?” Clancy asked, after sucking the protruding nub on his shoulder.

“Much improved,” Snape mumbled, leaning down to nip lightly on her earlobe.

“And your spirits?” she wondered, dispensing a generous dollop of whipped cream into the palm of her hand.

“Still flagging a bit,” he admitted, as he watched her smooth the sweet mixture across his chest. “Perhaps you can think of a way to lift them?”

“Perhaps,” she said, as she licked her way down his torso.

After a thorough rinse, they toweled one another dry. Snape carried Clancy to the bed, prepared to enjoy the rest of his evening.

“Severus?”

“Yes?”

“There’s something we need to discuss.”

“We’ll make love first, and then converse afterward,” Snape promised.

“No, I’d rather talk first, and then perhaps we’ll -”

“What’s so important that it can’t wait?” he snapped.

“I just wanted to tell you that I know what you did, and I’m not angry.”

“You…know what I did?” Snape repeated, unable to pinpoint what she meant. He could have sworn he remembered Dumbledore saying that he hadn’t revealed anything to Clancy about the Death Eaters.

“Yes. And while I feel your behavior was inappropriate, I am willing to forgive your actions. But, I will expect you to be a much better man in the future.”

Clancy’s reaction to the revelation that Snape had been dreading for so long was far more composed than he had expected. But, he knew they had a tendency to hold parallel conversations, only to discover later that they had been discussing two entirely different matters. He decided it would be prudent to test the waters. “Does your attitude have anything to do with your talk with the headmaster today?”

“Oh, he spoke with you, too? Well, I must admit that I was terribly upset when Albus first told me, but he convinced me that you had your reasons, all stemming from the trauma you experienced during your school days.”

“Clancy, you never cease to amaze me. I was certain that you would take this badly and want nothing further to do with me. I don’t deserve anyone as fine as you. I believe this calls for a toast. Snape reached for his wand. “Accio Dr. Pepper!” he commanded, flicking his wand toward a chair, and a can of the beverage emerged from his robe pocket. It floated across the room right into Clancy’s outstretched hand.

She popped the tab, and asked, “What shall we toast to?”

“A new era of trust and understanding.”

“Severus! You mean, after all this time, you finally trust me?”

“Completely.” They smiled at one another lovingly.

“To trust!” Clancy declared happily. She took a swig and offered the can to Snape. “Go on, try it. It’s not so bad.”

Snape was skeptical. He sniffed the can and dipped his finger cautiously into the opening to sample the taste. “Too sweet, but it does have an intriguing bite to it.” He regarded her with admiration. “I must commend you again for your great nobility and your acceptance of my transgressions. To trust!” he exclaimed enthusiastically. He proceeded to gulp down a large mouthful of the beverage.

“Oh, I’m not so noble,” Clancy demurred. “Everyone says things they shouldn’t at one time or another. It’s not as if you did something reprehensible, like killing someone.”

Snape began choking violently, spraying the liquid across the length of the bed. His hand gripped the can so tightly that its contents spurted straight into the air, before cascading downward to splatter them both in the sticky, brown fluid. He gasped and wheezed, unable to catch his breath.

“Severus! What’s wrong? Would you like me to pat you on the back?”

He shook his head wildly, still struggling to clear the blockage from his windpipe. His eyes watered from pain as he coughed and gagged. After a time, he collapsed onto his pillow.

“You’re not used to the carbonation – is that it?” Clancy leaned over and touched his arm reassuringly.

Snape stared into her eyes, too distressed to speak. I should have known, he realized. She was referring to forgiving me for telling the Slytherins about Lupin – not for being a Death Eater! How stupid can you be, Snape?

“Severus? Are you all right?”

“Yes,” he said hoarsely. “Something caught in my throat, but I’m fine, now.” He performed spells to clean and dry the bedding, and then suggested they rinse themselves off in the shower.

Once they had returned to the bed, Snape faked a tremendous yawn and then settled in for a sound sleep. He decided he’d rather forfeit a night of lovemaking than have to dodge Clancy’s inevitable questions.

Clancy had other ideas. She nudged him on his derriere with her knee. When he didn’t respond, she repeated the action with considerable force. “Severus, roll over. You’re not asleep.”

“It’s been a long day. We’ll talk in the morning.” Snape forced out another exaggerated yawn.

“Well, good night, then.”

“Good night.”

“No kiss?” Clancy grabbed him gently by the shoulder and rolled him onto his back.

“I am much too fatigued,” he protested, without opening his eyes.

“All right, Severus. Sleep well.” She brushed a light kiss across his lips, then as an afterthought, she ventured a series of exploratory nibbles along his jaw and under his chin.

Snape’s Slytherin propensities rose to the occasion. Why not? he rationalized. My sexual privileges may be revoked soon. I may as well take advantage of her favors while I can.

As soon as he formed the thought, he despised himself for it – but not quite enough to deter him from his intentions.


*~~~*~~~*

By morning, Snape was thoroughly ashamed of himself. He was tempted to dress and Floo to the dungeons before Clancy awoke, but if he did so, that would alert her that something was wrong. It was Saturday, and it was their custom to spend the morning in bed together. He’d managed to stave off her inquisitiveness last night, but today she would begin afresh, and surely ask him about being a Death Eater.

Last Christmas he’d made her promise never to bring up his past, and she had agreed. But now things were different. She had been provided with a clue, a term she did not understand. Snape knew Clancy would not rest until she had all the facts.

As he lay in bed plotting his strategy, Snape decided he would be the one to initiate the discussion. His openness would lead her to believe that he was not averse to the subject, thereby biding him time to present the details in the most favorable light. Yes, he convinced himself, I will take full control of the situation. I will decide the time and the place to make my disclosure. I will take her to a romantic setting, and tell her what she wants to hear. A ring might be in order, as well. If I give her what she wants, she’ll focus on that instead of what I’m telling her and I can worm my way out of this. That’s the proper way to handle things, Snape decided. Slytherin logic will see me through. Nothing can possibly go wrong.

Clancy began to stir, and Snape wasted no time in putting his scheme into action.

“Good morning, my pineapple princess,” he began smoothly.

Clancy eyed him with suspicion. He’d only called her by that name once before, and that was when he had been, by his own definition, “rat-arsed”.

“Good morning,” she returned cautiously.

Snape pulled her into his arms and kissed her eyelids. “What would you like to be doing one week from today?” he inquired.

“I don’t know. Probably something similar to what I’m doing now. Why?”

“The term ends next week and the students will be taking the Hogwarts Express on Friday. Suppose we leave first thing Saturday morning on a little excursion of our own?”

“Severus, really?”

“Yes…a romantic getaway. Would you like that?”

“That would be wonderful!” Clancy said excitedly. “I was beginning to give up hope that you were ever planning to take me anywhere, again. We’ve fallen into a rut – an enjoyable rut, mind you, but still, a rut.”

“Very well, that’s what we’ll do.” Snape inhaled and clenched his jaw. His heart began racing. “I’ve decided that I am going to be forthcoming about my life and tell you about my experience as a Death Eater.”

Clancy blinked in disbelief. Next to an impromptu marriage proposal, that was the last thing in the world she would have expected to come out of his mouth. “Albus told you I’ve been asking questions, didn’t he?”

“He mentioned that he’d spoken with you, yes. I’ve been giving this a great deal of thought, and as agonizing as it will be for me, I will tell you about my past.” At last, Snape remembered to exhale. “However, I’ve decided to wait and explain everything when we’re on our holiday. Once I’m away from the castle, I will be more relaxed and able to speak about my feelings.”

“I understand, Severus. And I think it’s admirable of you to be willing to make a clean breast of it. Whatever it is you’ve done, it won’t make any difference to me. I believe in you.”

Forcing an uneasy smile, Snape asked, “Shall I summon the house-elves to bring our breakfast?”

“In a moment, but let’s have our dessert, first.”

Snape reached eagerly for Clancy, and was able to suppress, for a time, his nagging fear of losing her. One more week of having her in my arms until I lose her forever, he fretted. Unless, for once in my life, luck is with me.