HIGHLY IMPROBABLE

Chapter 25: Believe It, Beloved


*~~~*~~~*

Believe it, beloved, because it’s true.
You’re all that I want you to be:
A darling, adorable devil who
Loves someone who looks like me.

You’re delicious, delightful, delirium.
See what your love’s done to me?
Believe it, beloved, because it’s true.
You’re all that I want you to be.


*~~~*~~~*

The morning wore on.

Still invisible, Snape lay supine, arms at his sides, drumming his fingers irritably against the bed. Clancy, with her back turned to the surly wizard, pretended to be asleep. Snape’s incessant finger thumping had set her teeth on edge. She began wondering why she’d ever come to Hogwarts in the first place. After all this time, she still had no idea what made Severus Snape act as he did. Was he truly a genius among wizards or just a man who continually behaved like an idiot? Or, was he a certifiable moron with occasional sparks of brilliance? Why was she in love with him? Was Snape the best she could do? Sullen, temperamental, stubborn to a fault, at times he was completely childish. The man didn’t seem to realize that he was his own worst enemy.

Snape glared at the back of Clancy’s head, knowing full well she wasn’t asleep. The tempo of his finger tapping increased as he took stock of the situation: An intelligent, desirable woman, to whom he’d been attracted for longer than he cared to admit, had agreed to spend the night with him. And, what had he done? He’d lost his trousers, become roaring drunk, and turned himself invisible. Now, there was nothing for it other than to wait out the agony of his humiliation until his body reappeared. But, what then? He’d already disgraced himself once. Should he try again and risk further rejection–or take the Slytherin way out by offering no apology and denying any blame?

Snape decided to take a chance. “Clancy?” he began, concentrating on keeping his voice steady.

She rolled toward him. “Yes?” she responded, addressing his nose.

“What did I do last night that you found particularly distasteful?”

“Well, for one thing, it was all I could do to keep you erect. You kept wobbling all over the place.” She flapped a limp-wristed hand in the air by way of illustration. “I did the best I could to keep you up, but it was next to impossible with you placing so much dead weight on me.”

“Then, you didn’t enjoy it at all?”

“What was there to enjoy? I tried my best to be obliging, but after awhile, it grew tiresome.”

There was no point in having her go on. She had succeeded in presenting him with a very clear picture of his failings.

“You might take into account that I was slightly inebriated,” Snape muttered defensively.

“Slightly inebriated? You were as drunk as a skunk. It didn’t even seem to concern you that there were people watching us!”

“What do you mean?” Snape asked, flabbergasted. “What type of establishment is this?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. What does this inn have to do with you staggering down a public street like a befuddled sot?”

At last, Snape understood. “You mean we didn’t make love last night?”

“Of course not. You fell sound asleep before I came out of the bathroom.”

“Ha!” Snape exclaimed gleefully. “Thank Merlin for that!”

“You needn’t sound so relieved!” Clancy snapped. “Have you changed your mind?”

“No.” He hesitated before asking, “Have you changed yours?”

Just to torture him, Clancy deliberated the question longer than necessary. “No. Once your hangover improves and your body returns, we can pick up where we left off. In the meantime, I’ll dress and go downstairs and see about getting us some breakfast.”


*~~~*~~~*

While she was gone, Snape thought things through. Over the course of the next several hours, he would regain his visibility. In some ways, he almost wished he could stay invisible. Once his body returned, his Dark Mark would return right along with it. Clancy would be sure to notice it. He had been careful to keep his arm turned away from her when they had disrobed in the sleigh, but eventually, she would discover it and ask him to explain. After weighing his options, Snape decided the best course of action was to do what came naturally to him – lie. The Dark Mark had no direct bearing on their relationship that he could determine, so he wouldn’t be breaking his promise to her.

A short time later, Clancy entered and spied Snape’s nose and socks pacing the room. “I told the landlord you were suffering from a hangover and he was very sympathetic. You’re quite the celebrity in his eyes, so he’s sending his wife up with a breakfast tray for us. If it weren’t for your great wit, we’d be expected to dine downstairs with everyone else.”

The nose and socks marched toward Clancy. “What do you mean, my ‘great wit’?”

“You don’t remember a thing, do you? You won this room for us in a contest last night.”

“I did? How?”

“I’ll save that glorious tale for another time. I would suggest that you remove those socks and wait in the bathroom. She’ll be bringing our food up at any moment and your nose might frighten her.”

“You can’t resist making a derogatory remark about my appearance, can you?”

“Your sensitivity is showing, even if the rest of you isn’t. I didn’t mean to imply that your nose is displeasing in any way, only that it appears to be floating about the room.”

They heard a soft knock so Snape retreated into the bathroom. Clancy opened the door to a cheerful, heavy-set woman carrying a tray.

“Thank you, so much,” Clancy said to the woman. “This is very kind of you.”

“My pleasure, Mrs. Snapini. Our barman made our special hangover cure for your husband. We call it the Highland Fling–hot buttermilk, cornflower, salt and pepper. Make sure he drinks it, and he should be himself again in no time.” She set the tray down on the table and headed toward the door.

“I can’t thank you enough,” Clancy repeated gratefully.

Before leaving, the woman remarked, “My husband and I can’t get over how amusing Mr. Snapini was last night. Is he a professional?”

“A professional what?” Clancy wondered. Drunkard?

“Humorist.”

“No, not intentionally. He’s a…magician.”

Snape, eavesdropping from behind the bathroom door, began tearing his hair.

“Oh, how thrilling!” the woman exclaimed. “Can he make things disappear?”

“I’ll say he can. Last night, he made an entire thermos of rum punch disappear, not to mention his trousers, and my good mood. You wouldn’t believe what he did this morning for an encore.”

A loud cough emanated from the bathroom.

The landlady chuckled. “Well, I’ll leave you two to your breakfast. Enjoy your stay at Kilty Pleasures. If you need anything at all, just let us know.”

“We will. Thanks.” Clancy closed the door and locked it. “You can come out now,” she called to Snape before taking a seat at the table.

Snape joined her. “Will you pass the jam, Mrs. Snapini?”

“I told them we’d be staying another night, perhaps two. They asked me to sign the register and I didn’t want to give our real names. That was the first thing that popped into my head.”

“The Mrs. or the Snapini?” Snape asked dryly.

Clancy chose to ignore his jibe. “I registered us as Mr. and Mrs. Greg Snapini. If you prefer that we keep everything on the up and up, I’ll rush back down and change it to Miss Clancy Norgard and nose!”

“Hmm,” he sniffed. “Do you think that I look like a Greg?”

“Not particularly, no. I started to write Great, and then caught myself.”

Clancy watched as Snape’s fork levitated from his plate to shovel a large portion of eggs under his nose. The eggs disappeared and the fork lowered itself to spear a sausage.

“What are you gawking at?” Snape asked.

“I’ve never seen an invisible man eat before. It’s rather intriguing.”

“Tea?”

“Please. Be sure to drink the buttermilk, Severus.”

The teapot rose and hovered over Clancy’s cup to fill it. Next, Snape’s glass flew up, then tilted, and the thick, chalky liquid disappeared.

“Dreadful,” Snape gagged, and the nose shook violently from side to side.

Clancy’s napkin slid off her lap and she bent underneath the table to retrieve it. A surprise awaited her. “Severus, another of your appendages has returned.”

Snape looked down at himself. “That’s encouraging.”

“Yes, very.”

They continued consuming their breakfast at a leisurely pace. By the time they pushed away from the table, Snape had regained his fingers and toes. Within moments, his hands and feet followed.

“It shouldn’t be much longer now,” Snape promised. “Couldn’t we at least –"

“No.”

Snape stormed over to sit on the edge of the bed. The finger drumming began, again. “What shall we discuss while we’re waiting?” he inquired, biting out the words.

“Oh, any number of things,” Clancy responded lightly, crossing over to the bed. She plumped up her pillow and sat with her back against the headboard. “For starters, do wizards make love the same way as Muggle men?”

“Better, I would hope.”

“What I really meant was, is there any magic involved?”

“Would you be disappointed if I said no?”

“A little, perhaps,” she admitted honestly. “Everything else is so different in your world, I though…well…I was just curious.”

“Magic can be used, if necessary. I’ve never found it necessary.”

Clancy could tell by Snape’s tone that he was quite taken with himself. What a contradictory bastard you are! One minute you’re a mass of insecurities; the next, you’re a braggart! “Speaking from your vast experience, Severus?” she asked innocently.

Snape made no reply. Clancy excused herself to the bathroom to change back into her nightgown. By the time she emerged, the outline of Snape’s head and neck had reappeared. Over the course of the next few minutes, the rest of his facial features filled in, along with his hair.

“Welcome back,” Clancy said when she could gaze into Snape’s eyes once more.

His crooked smile had returned, too. “My hangover is much improved. All the important parts of me are visible. Do you suppose we could –"

“I’m sorry, but no. I prefer that everything be attached.” Grabbing the bedpost, Snape shook it furiously. “You’re behaving like a spoiled child,” Clancy admonished him. “You’ve no one to blame but yourself for your current predicament.”

Snape smashed his fist against the bedpost, yelped in pain, and then raised his hand to his mouth to suck on his bruised knuckles. He cast a furtive glance at Clancy hoping to receive a little sympathy, but he found none. He grumbled something to himself under his breath.

“What was that you said?” Clancy demanded.

“Nothing!” he spat out. “I was just thinking of a few Unforgivable curses.”

“Well, let them fly!” she returned, unimpressed by his tantrum. “I’ve heard foul language before.”

Long minutes of silence ticked by as Snape rethought his strategy. If this was what it was like to be in a relationship with a woman, he didn’t want any part of it. Hadn’t he spent an extravagant part of his salary to hire the flying horse? Keeping the horse another night or two would cost him double, perhaps triple! In Snape’s mind, Clancy was being extremely unreasonable. He decided to take the high ground.

“I’ve been planning this date with you for weeks – and this is my reward? Didn’t you tell me when we were in the pond last night that I had provided you with ‘romance beyond measure’?”

“It was true, at the time. Today, things are different. You’ll have to learn patience, Severus. I’ve had to, over the past year. Try to see things from my perspective: Right now, there’s nothing more to you than a head, two hands, and two feet. With me, it’s all or nothing.”

“There’s one accessory of mine that you neglected to mention. You’ve been eyeing it ever since breakfast.”

Clancy smiled sweetly at Snape. “Once I feel it has reached its full potential, I will add it to the list. But, for the time being,” she said, striking a pose, “you haven’t even bothered to admire my nightgown. Don’t you like it?”

Snape regarded her hungrily. “It’s exquisite. Take it off.”

“Take it off? What’s wrong with it? I bought it in Hogsmeade at the Saucy Sorceress to wear especially for you!”

“I’ve seen it. It’s quite becoming. Now, take it off,” he insisted.

“I want to look pretty for you. I’m trying to create a romantic mood,” she pouted.

“So am I. You’d look better without it.”

“That isn’t romance–that’s lust!”

“Would you prefer that I begged you to keep it on?”

“Well, no,” Clancy conceded, “not when you put it like that.”

“Why create a romantic mood at all, when I’m not allowed to touch you?” Snape pointed out.

“We’ll be touching one another soon enough. I just want to see what it is I’m touching.”

Snape’s temper came to a boil. He’d tried patience, petulance, persuasion – none of which had reaped results. One last avenue remained: indifference. He crawled into bed, pulled the covers up tightly under his chin, and closed his eyes.

“What are you planning to do–go back to sleep?”

“You don’t mind, do you?” he responded peevishly without opening his eyes.

Clancy pulled back the covers and climbed in next to him. “I’d rather talk.”

“Fine. This time I’ll ask the questions. Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

“Have you had much…experience with your short list of Muggle beaus?” Snape shifted his eyes nervously to the ceiling while waiting for her answer, suddenly fascinated by a knothole in one of the beams.

“Only enough experience to know that I need much more experience.” She moved closer to Snape. “Next question?”

“Did you form an…emotional attachment to any of them that you would care to reveal?”

“No, none…” Clancy admitted. Snape relaxed and exhaled heavily. “…that I would care to reveal.”

Turning away from Clancy with a sharp jerk, Snape began chewing on the corner of his pillow. Clancy snuggled against Snape’s back. Raising the covers, she peeked underneath. “Severus! Your legs have returned!”

Snape looked for himself. It was true, and his arms were beginning to fill in, as well. “Must we wait for my torso?” he pleaded piteously. “If the situation were reversed, I’d be willing to compromise.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me in the least,” Clancy observed.

“We can stay underneath the covers. You won’t even know the difference,” he coaxed.

“Seeing is believing.”

Snape rolled toward Clancy and pulled her close. “Then, believe this.” He kissed her, gently at first, but with growing insistence. Before long, Clancy came to realize that having a lover with a visible torso was not essential. As Snape’s lips traveled down her neck, she had to concede that his opinion about her state of dress also contained merit. She shimmied out of her nightgown and flung it with abandon halfway across the room.

*~~~*~~~*

From early afternoon until late evening, Snape and Clancy explored new ways to communicate without words. Snape proved to be a startling combination of awkwardness and skill. What he didn’t know, he mastered quickly; what he did know, he executed superbly. They knocked heads, elbows met eyes, and a jagged toenail gouged an ankle. Yet, overall, their ecstasy outweighed their embarrassment.

As Snape lay cuddling Clancy in his arms, he wondered if, through this experience, he had been reborn. He felt completely relaxed, and, for the first time he could remember, quite comfortable with his lot in life. He loved this woman–as much as he knew what love was. Love or lust, he was all for it. He resolved then and there to become a new man, a better man. Indeed, he had been reborn! But, after a series of deep yawns, he concluded that he was merely tired.

They napped and nuzzled well into the evening, deciding at last to shower, dress, and dine downstairs in the tavern. To Snape, food had never tasted so good; to Clancy, food had never been less important.

Throughout the meal, Clancy couldn’t keep the smile off of her face or take her eyes off of the Potions master. Half-god, half-git, an incongruous mixture of grace and grease – she wouldn’t trade him for any other man in the world.

As they rose from their table, the landlord greeted them with a wink and a friendly smile, addressing them by name. Snape found himself wishing that they were Mr. and Mrs. Greg Snapini. He allowed himself the luxury of forgetting, for a time, that there was a Dark Lord to defeat and a cause he must serve. They had tonight and the better part of tomorrow to spend together at the Kilty Pleasures before returning to Hogwarts and the new school term. Snape’s future was already set, but for one more day, at least, he intended to ignore reality.

Once more in their room, they began afresh. At some point, and with no great fanfare, Snape’s torso reappeared.

Snape found Muggle lighting much too harsh. He transfigured a candle to place on the bed table. He wanted just enough illumination to see Clancy’s face and read her expressions. Snape liked what her eyes reflected back to him: the image of himself as a hero. He decided to do whatever was necessary to ensure that she would always see him that way, including lying about his past and the Dark Mark. He loved her; he’d admitted that to himself months ago. But, to confess his love aloud signified weakness. At this point, Snape’s primary concern was that she love him.

As the night progressed, their comfort with one another increased. Snape discovered that being with a woman entailed a good deal more than physical release and a few Galleons thrown on the bureau. He was learning that sex was not the same thing as intimacy. With Clancy, he felt lighthearted. Unimaginable as it seemed, Snape found that the intensity of their lovemaking was balanced with a degree of playfulness, through Clancy’s doing, at least. What they were experiencing together was in equal parts sensual, silly, and sacred.

Bemused by Clancy’s inventiveness, Snape allowed her to do things to him that no one had ever done before. He studied her, enraptured, as she twisted a lock of his hair, placed it in her mouth to wet the end, and then proceeded to paint imaginary pictures across his face. Next, she held the strand horizontally under her nose, curling the end to resemble a handlebar moustache. Snape’s arm was pressed into service as a toothsome stand-in for corn on the cob, upon which she pantomimed spreading lavish amounts of butter and salt, before nibbling away.

The hours raced by. Late the next morning, each sensing that the other had awakened, they smiled and stretched before sharing the first kiss of the day.

“That was awful!” Clancy complained, pulling away from Snape. “Bertie Botts should add morning breath to his line of Every Flavor Beans.” She started to get out of bed.

“Where are you going?” Snape inquired, restraining her by the arm.

“I’m going to brush my teeth. I brought a toothbrush along in my purse.”

“Stay where you are.” He reached for his wand and applied charms to clean their teeth and freshen their breath.

“Mmm, it tastes like pineapple,” Clancy said approvingly, licking her lips.

“I had an inkling that might appeal to you.”

“Magic does come in handy at times, doesn’t it?”

“At times.”

“Severus, does it bother you that I can’t do any magic?”

“You are not progressing in your studies?”

“Filius has all but given up on me. He told me recently that it’s time I face the fact that I have no magical abilities whatsoever.”

“What about the pineapple?”

“I embellished that, a bit,” Clancy admitted sadly. “I can’t really make it tap dance. The best I can do is give it a nudge with the tip of my wand when Filius isn’t looking and get it to roll.”

“But, when we were flying on the broom, your Cleaning Charm worked–not properly of course, but you did achieve results.”

“I’ve studied enough magical theory to come up with an explanation for that. The charm never worked for me until I tried it on you. Aunt Hilly was your blood relation. I was clinging to you so tightly, that the magical energy must have transferred to me through you, then out the tip of her wand, and back into you, again.”

“Hmm. That might explain it. At any rate, don’t concern yourself with it. I know enough magic for the both of us.”

“Yes, you proved that last night, didn’t you?” Clancy murmured, snuggling into his arms.

“Ah! A rare compliment!” Snape returned, astonished.

“You were wonderful, Severus–closer to perfection than I would have believed possible.”

“What do you mean by that?” Snape knitted his brows.

“I mean that things can only get better.”

“I didn’t hear any complaints from you last night. What, in your opinion, needs improvement?”

“Nothing, only…”

“Well?”

“Has the invention of the toenail clipper escaped the notice of the Wizarding world?”

“Magic can take care of that, too,” he informed her, aiming his wand at his feet. “If that’s the only thing you found objectionable, then I must be doing rather well.”

“There is one other thing, but please don’t take it as a criticism.”

Clancy was staring at his forearm. Snape steeled himself in anticipation of what was coming. “What is it?”

She touched the Dark Mark and Snape withdrew his arm self-consciously. “What does that symbol mean–the skull with the snake? Has it something to do with Slytherin House?”

“Yes…that’s it. It was an initiation, of sorts–an indiscretion of my youth. It can’t be removed, I’m afraid.”

There was something in Snape’s tone, and in the way he avoided her eyes, that made Clancy not quite believe him, but she didn’t press the matter. She knew intuitively that her question had struck a nerve triggering an unpleasant memory. Clancy decided to see if she could make him laugh. Swishing and flicking her index finger, pretending it was a wand, she pointed it toward his male appendage.

“Penardium Leviosa!” she joked.

Snape grasped her wrist and gave her an amused half-smile. “What would you have it do, burst into flames or fly out the window?”

“I know what I’m doing,” Clancy assured him. “I’ve been practicing with Filius.”

Rolling on top of her, Snape pinned her to the bed. “You wouldn’t care to clarify that remarkable statement, would you?”

“I meant practicing with feathers. The Latin prefix was my own little touch.”

Snape spoke between light kisses. “I didn’t know you were studying Latin prefixes.”

“Only the ones that interest me.”

After a few more exploratory nuzzles, they decided to skip breakfast and focus on the matter at hand until lunch. All too soon, lunchtime arrived, and they dressed and trudged downstairs. They ordered Sunday Roast with all the trimmings, spending much more time gazing stupidly into each other’s eyes than consuming their food.

Snape watched Clancy rake her fork around her plate. “How are you enjoying the Neeps and Tatties?” he asked.

“I’ve had better,” she confessed, smiling devilishly.

Snape laughed so hard he sprayed his mouthful of beef down the front of his coat, bathing it in gravy. He began dabbing it off with his napkin.

“You’ve come a long way, Severus, since the day you smashed a jar of eels at my feet.”

“My hand must have slipped.”

“No, your hand didn’t slip. That happened directly after you threatened to poison me,” Clancy reminded him.

“I didn’t understand you then. I’d had very little exposure to Muggle women before you.”

“Do you understand me now, Severus?”

“To a certain extent, yes; but I’ll never understand why you want me.”

“Because you’re very dear.” Snape smiled at her foolishly, and then resumed eating. “Severus, have you thought of a way for us to be together at the castle without stirring up too much gossip?”

“I’ll speak to Albus about connecting our rooms by Floo.”

“Does Albus have to know about us? Shouldn’t we keep this to ourselves?”

“The headmaster knew long before we did. I wouldn’t be surprised if we found our Floos already connected by the time we return. One thing,” Snape cautioned, turning serious. “I insist upon discretion at all times and –“

“Propriety in public? Yes, I know. It isn’t because you’re ashamed of consorting with a Muggle, I hope.”

“It is for the reputation of the school, primarily.”

“Aren’t professors allowed to have private lives?”

“It’s for your safety, as well.”

“Why are you always bringing that up?”

“You may as well know. Dumbledore shields you from a great deal. There is a faction in the Wizarding world that does not approve of Muggles mixing into our society. They refer to themselves as pure-bloods and they have very little tolerance for those whose viewpoints differ from their own.”

“The more you explain, the more confused I’m becoming. Why would anyone care if we’re together?”

“I’ve already said too much.” Snape reached for her hand. “Let’s not concern ourselves with this now, all right?”

“All right,” Clancy agreed reluctantly. “Whatever you think best.”

When luncheon concluded, Snape and Clancy returned to their room to spend the remainder of the afternoon and evening together. The hours continued to speed by, until Snape determined, at last, that it was time to leave.

“I’ll miss this place,” Clancy lamented as they gathered their possessions. “Our time here together was magical.”

“All we are leaving behind is the room,” Snape told her, drawing her near for one final embrace. “The magic will remain with us.”

Clancy rested her head against Snape’s chest and wound her arms tightly around his waist. “Forever, Severus?”

Snape paused before responding, and Clancy could feel his body grow tense. “Yes…forever.”


*~~~*~~~*

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

Believe it, Beloved
Words and music by Nat Burton, J.C. Johnson and George Whiting
Recorded by Fats Waller, March 11, 1935