Disclaimer: I don’t own it. If I did, I’d be very happy, but alas, I only play with them and force them to do my twisted will. That’s good too, you know.

Birthday Games


Being one of the ‘Saviors of the Wizarding World' has many drawbacks, Severus Snape thought derisively as a multitude of owls flew across the student tables in the great hall and headed straight for him. The worst of all was that the Daily Prophet announced your birthday on its front page and convinced hundreds of witches (and a few wizards) from across the world to send you birthday greetings.

“Ah, here is our Mr. Popular!” Albus called out.

“That’s Professor Popular, Headmaster,” Rolanda Hooch cried cheekily causing several students to laugh. “What’s the matter, Severus?” she teased, ignoring the murderous glint in his eyes. “Getting too old to appreciate a joke?”

Severus smiled maliciously and whispered a spell. Rolanda tried to say something else, but it was too difficult to say what it was as her tongue rolled loosely in her mouth. At her look of shock, then horror, Severus allowed his smile to deepen evilly.

“Oh, dear me, Rolanda.” He oozed false sympathy. “Did the cat get your tongue? I almost feel sorry for the poor pussy.”

She glared at him and it didn’t take a Legilimens to know he ruined her day. After all, it was a Saturday and her lady love might pine for a bit this evening before the spell wore off. Severus decided to count that as a present to himself.

“Would you care to cut your cake now, dear boy?” Albus asked, twinkling. Another muttered spell and the Headmaster’s lemon drops were replaced with a castor oil look-alike that had a side effect of making one cough uncontrollably when the laxative began working.

“I dare not trust myself with a knife, Headmaster,” Severus said through clenched teeth. “Besides, I prefer to celebrate in private.”

“Very well, I’ll cut the cake for you,” the older wizard beamed.

One of the envelopes burst opened in front of Severus and a picture spilled out. Hagrid and Flitwick both moved closer to see. A large, not voluptuous, witch wearing only a pointed hat and a smile waved up at them before beginning to undulate.

Hagrid, who worked with dangerous magical creatures on a daily basis, screamed like a girl and began trying to kill the picture with a butter knife. Flitwick fainted.

“Attention, students,” Albus said merrily as cut pieces of cake began flying through the room on small saucers. “Let us sing our birthday wishes for our Potions master!”

Severus sneered at Albus, the students, and the cake as a lackluster, insipid version of “Happy Birthday to You” filled the hall. He turned and stomped dramatically to the door, grabbing a piece of cake surreptitiously on his way. Storming through the castle, he made his way to his office. Once there, he bit into the cake.

Damn. Lemon. He hated lemon cake.

“Professor?”

He spun about, dropping the cake and grabbing his wand.

“Draco? What are you doing here?” Severus questioned, spraying cake crumbs across the room.

“I’m here to wish you a happy birthday,” the younger wizard smirked. “My new girlfriend, Laurie Leigh, insisted. Something about a promise to Gina Snape. Is she a relation of yours?”

“Distant cousin,” Severus muttered, trying to wipe wet crumbs from his robes.

“You know, I always thought you were a Scorpio,” Draco went on.

“But of course I’m a Capricorn. Was there any doubt?” he sneered.

“Yes,” Draco said, bemused. “Didn’t I just say there was? You seem like a Scorpio, all dark and brooding, mysterious and sexy.”

“Get out, Draco,” Severus told him, brandishing his wand. As the young man fled, Severus muttered, “No wonder everyone thinks he plays for the Boys’ Quidditch team.”

He walked out of his office and down a little used corridor. A number of turns and twists led him to a small door. Quickly looking over his shoulder, he left the castle and began a brisk walk to the end of Hogwarts boundaries and Apparated to Diagon Alley.

The sign over the shop read “Books and Stuff”. Casting a look around, he entered into it swiftly. The proprietor, a young witch in her thirties, didn’t even look up from the books she was shelving.

“I’ll be with you in a mo,” she said.

“Today, I shall beat you,” he hissed from behind her. She stiffened, one hand still holding a copy of “Modern Witchcraft and Its Roots”.

“I shall be unmerciful and unforgiving,” he continued in a sepulcher whisper. “And I shall mock your pleas for leniency.”

She snorted. “Back again, Professor? I swear, I think you enjoy humiliation… your own.”

“You shall be the one humiliated today, Madame,” he swore in a low voice. “And I shall enjoy it greatly.” Severus smirked as a tremor of anticipation ran through her thin frame.

The witch put the book in the proper place on the shelf.

“Margaret, I’ll be in the back… in conference.” She ignored his smirk. “Please don’t disturb us.”

The walk to her office seemed very long and then from her office up the stairs to her private living quarters seemed even longer. Severus felt the anticipation, the thrill of knowing today he would finally conquer her. He reveled in his heightened state of adrenaline.

Once inside her quarters, he took off his teaching robes. Without a word, she handed him a wooden coat hanger. At his raised eyebrow, she smirked. “Last time, you swore your frock coat hindered your movements. So take it off.”

For a long moment, they only stared at each other in a mute battle of wills. “Unless you’re looking for an excuse for a poor performance,” she mocked.

Seething, he unbuttoned his coat and shrugged out of it, hanging it up with ill grace. “Have you wasted enough time, Madame?” he asked in a mocking whisper. “Are you prepared?”

She hesitated for a moment. “I do have a cake, Severus,” she offered.

“What kind?” His tone was unforgiving.

“White cake and icing, but little green snakes in your honor.”

He nodded appreciatively. “That is acceptable. Later though, let’s get down to business now.”

Sitting on the faded couch, he watched as she got the paraphernalia together and began unwinding cords. “Are you sure you want to do this today?” she teased. “After all, it is your birthday. Maybe there is something else you’d like to do?”

A snort was the only answer she got.

“You know, if Muggle devices worked at Hogwarts, I would have gotten you one of these for your birthday.”

“Really?” Severus was intrigued by her announcement. “I prefer if we keep our games here, though. I would hate to have to explain this to the students… or my colleagues.” Indeed, he shuddered at the thought.

“There’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing, Severus,” she began.

But he cut into her speech. “Enough, woman!” he roared. “Give me that and get over here!”

She grinned as she powered up the machines, then walked back to the couch. Handing him his controller, they waited as the words “WWF Smackdown 2005” rolled across the TV screen.

“I’ll buy some new games today, if you want,” she offered. “After all, you do enjoy this one so much.”

He didn’t respond, already going over strategies in his mind. Yes, today he would finally beat her. He had to. It was his birthday, after all.


Author’s notes: The plot bunny who gave this up was sickly and immediately died of embarrassment. He will be missed.

Special thanks to my brother, Packman, who did a proof-read of this material. This challenge entry only took 43 minutes to write. I added the time it took to make corrections, but not his time to proof. Reminded me a bit of High School English and doing my creative writing work in Home Room. I'm sure that confession doesn't surprise the staff here at Sycophant Hex who have taught me more in six stories than I learned in four years.

Challenge Rules

The Laydown:

It’s Snape’s birthday! How will he spend the day?

The Rules:
· Must be written in 60 minutes or less—including editing! (Like the 30 minute fics on LJ only longer).
· May include Snape paired up with an OFC or Female from Harry Potter who is not a student (no, you may NOT pair up Snape with Hermione from the future!), but not necessary.
· Can involve his peers
· Must show how Snape spends his birthday (celebration, or lack thereof)
· Must include at least one comment from Dumbledore that Snape will find annoying


Include at least 3 of the following:

o Snape saying “But of course I’m a Capricorn. Was there any doubt?”
o A bevy of TPMM members (or similar) queuing up to wish him well.
O Snape scoffing at receiving a birthday cake, but secretly eats a piece when no one is
looking
o Snape saying “I prefer to celebrate in private.”
o Snape saying “If I must.”
o Draco Malfoy bursting into Snape’s office at an inopportune moment
o Someone makes a joke about Snape’s age…and suffers for it
o Minerva McGonagall being a Libra
o Snape receiving an embarrassing number of birthday owls



Deadline:

The deadline for this challenge is January 16, 2005. After this time, a survey will be created and group members will vote for their favourite story.

Queries:

Have questions? Just e-mail me at ginarsnape@yahoo.com or leave me a LJ response (http://www.livejournal.com/users/gina_r_snape). If it’s a question you think other participants might have, you can also post directly to the list.