HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 22: Bell, Book, and Scandal


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Still recovering from her severe cold, Clancy overslept on Christmas Day. She had isolated herself in her quarters, too weak to join the staff for meals in the Great Hall.

When, at last, she awoke, her eyes focused hazily on the Christmas tree that the house-elves had set up in a corner near the fire. Underneath, were presents from the staff. On her bed table, she spied a note. She opened it and began to read:

I shall call upon you this afternoon, immediately following the holiday luncheon. If you are well enough to receive me, we can exchange gifts at that time.

S

PS If you have not already done so, raise your eyes and you will find attestation of my regard for you.

Clancy looked up to the high, vaulted ceiling of her room. Enchanted snow fell lightly, just as it did in the Great Hall. Suspended amid the snowflakes were dozens of miniature dancing pineapples, whirling and swaying from side to side.

Grinning deliriously, Clancy snuggled beneath the bed covers to await Snape but fell back to dozing. Several hours later, the sound of someone rapping awakened her. Clancy rose, hurriedly tidied her hair, and crossed the room to open the door.

"Happy Christmas," Snape muttered angrily, wearing his customary scowl.

"Severus, can't you, at least, be cheerful on Christmas Day?"

"I've just come from yet another of the headmaster's detestable Christmas luncheons," he fumed. "Not only was I forced to dine at the same table with six loathsome adolescents, I had to endure the nonsensical ramblings of Sibyll Trelawney and her all-knowing Inner Eye. If that weren't torturous enough, I had the misfortune of pulling a Christmas cracker containing a pointed hat with a stuffed vulture."

"I'm sorry," Clancy said honestly. "Come in and sit with me by the fire. Try to get your mind off of it."

Snape strode through the doorway but didn't take a seat by the fire. He stood, rubbing his hands, still agitated. Turning to Clancy, he revealed, "Sibyll made a rather odd prediction concerning your future that she insisted I relate to you."

"Oh, no," Clancy groaned. "It's nothing bad, I hope."

"It's nothing at all. Everything that woman says is worthless. She told me to warn you to beware of a man with a border collie. What rubbish!"

"Is that all?" Clancy sat down, gesturing for Snape to do the same. She breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, I don't know any men who own dogs, and I haven't seen a border collie in all the time I've been here. But, why did she ask you to tell me? She's never even seen us together, that I can recall. Sibyll must possess some psychic abilities, or else how would she have known that you were on your way to see me?"

"Trelawney doesn't need any divination skills when there's gossip to be had. Hogwarts has always been a rumor mill. Perhaps we have been indiscreet."

"We haven't yet, but I have high hopes," Clancy remarked archly to Snape, who raised one eyebrow. "I'm surprised she didn't ask Remus to tell me. She's seen the two of us together several times."

Snape tried to suppress a sneer, but failed. "Your precious colleague is not quite himself today, if you take my meaning."

"Yes, I take your meaning fully, and the snide implication behind it." She shook her head sadly. "The poor lamb."

"Lupin a lamb? You would do better to pity any humans who crossed his path within a ten-mile radius. They would be in need of your sympathy if Lupin ever forgot to take my potion."

"It's cruel the way you speak of him--and on Christmas Day, too. Remus can't help the way he is. You must try to be a better man, Severus."

"At least, I am a man, and not half beast," Snape observed.

"You behave like a beast, so I see very little difference!"

"Your temper is causing you to behave very badly, and on Christmas Day, too," he returned. Snape drummed his fingertips on his knees, obviously trying to regain his composure. "I suggest we call a truce, and endeavor to enjoy this occasion."

"Very well," Clancy agreed. "I can control myself if you can. Thank you, by the way, for bewitching my ceiling. The snowflakes and the pineapples are lovely. When did you perform the spell?"

"This morning directly before dawn. It took but a few moments. I was careful not to wake you."

Clancy tilted her head suspiciously. "How were you able to enter my room?"

"Through the door. I believe that is the conventional method." Clancy still looked confused. "You will recall that over a year ago Albus assigned me to ward your door and select passwords. Even though you are notified of password changes through your postbox in the staff room, surely you must have realized that I am the one responsible for selecting them. I can enter your room easily whenever I choose."

"I didn't realize that at all," Clancy admitted, frowning. "Have you?"

"Have I what?"

"Have you ever come into my room?"

"I just informed you, before dawn this morning--"

"Don't be evasive! You know I mean aside from today. Have there been other occasions? The truth, now," she cautioned. "You promised that you would never lie to me, again."

"I place an exceedingly high value on my own privacy; therefore, I have great respect for the privacy of others. No, I have never entered your room without your knowledge. Despite my many failings, I am a gentleman, not a voyeur."

Clancy smiled. "I believe you, Severus." She rose and extended a hand. He took it, allowing her to lead him to the Christmas tree. "How do you like it? Aren't the ornaments beautiful?"

Snape examined each branch thoroughly before commenting. "They're rather plain. Muggle ornaments, I take it?" He pointed to a green elf fashioned from a pipe cleaner.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, they are," Clancy confirmed, ignoring his disapproval. "Albus made them for me. He read my thoughts and transfigured ornaments to look like my decorations from home. Aunt Hilly gave me a special ornament every year." She removed a white, winged horse from the tree and handed it to Snape. "This is Pegasus. When I was a little girl, Aunt Hilly read me a story about a baker's wife turning Pegasus into a frosted gingerbread cookie so he could hang on a tree and learn how humans celebrated Christmas."

Snape studied the fragile object. "This holds special meaning for you?"

"Yes," Clancy admitted. "He's my favorite. I've always thought that Pegasus was the most wondrous creature in the world, and the ornament reminds me of all the happy times I shared with Aunt Hilly." Snape handed the delicate horse back to Clancy, and she returned it carefully to its place upon the tree. "I do wish you could have known Aunt Hilly better. She adored you. Hardly a day went by that she didn't mention your name."

"It's my lot in life to be alone. I've become rather used to it by now," Snape reflected bitterly.

"But, you're not alone! You have me!"

"All I have is today," he said quietly. He took a deep breath, then proposed, "Why don't you begin opening some of your presents?"

"All right." Clancy reached down and selected the package nearest to her.

"Who is it from?"

Clancy read the tag. "Remus."

Snape's lips tightened. "Open it."

Removing the ribbon from the box, she lifted the lid. "Oh, how thoughtful!" she cooed. "Chocolates from Honeydukes and a six-pack of Diet Dr. Pepper!"

"What, in the name of blazes, is Diet Dr. Pepper?"

"It's a Muggle drink--carbonated, very sweet, and no calories. Would you care to try it?"

"I think not. It sounds revolting. How did Lupin ascertain that such an odious concoction would appeal to you?"

"Oh, he employed a most devious method," Clancy told Snape, all the while trying hard to keep a straight face.

"What did he do?" Snape clenched his fists.

"He asked me."

"Lupin!" He snorted. "Very uninspired gifts, if I may say so. He must have prevailed upon his friend Arthur Weasley to procure the beverage for him, and pay for it too, no doubt."

"You're not exactly a free spender yourself, as I recall. That used Cleansweep broom of yours nearly got us both killed! You're just jealous because Remus knows how to please a woman and you, apparently, do not! You're much too preoccupied with stirring your little potion pots to give a damn about my feelings!"

"Cauldrons, you imbecile!"

Clancy fixed Snape with her most venomous glare. "How DARE you call me an imbecile, you BASTARD! You've spoiled my Christmas!"

"YOU'VE SPOILED MINE!" Snape shouted.

"You ruined your own Christmas before you walked in here! I had nothing to do with it! You insist upon acting as though the weight of the world is on your shoulders twenty-four hours a day, and you're dragging me down with you!" They glowered at one another in a stalemate for a long moment, before Clancy screamed in frustration, "I NEED CHOCOLATE!" She tore open the box and began devouring the candy.

Snape folded his arms. "Look at you, making a spectacle of yourself chomping away like a ravenous swine. You really must learn to control your cravings and emotions." He seated himself in a chair, observing Clancy sanctimoniously as she continued consuming the sweets.

"At least, I have cravings and emotions! You're the coldest, most self-contained jackass I've ever known!" She glanced up at the ceiling. "It might have occurred to you to place a few sprigs of mistletoe up there among the pineapples!"

"Mistletoe? Clichéd and trite. Besides, you're ill. Once you've fully recovered, I will decide if kissing you is even worth the effort. Now, put away those wretched chocolates and wipe off your face--it's filthy."

Clancy tapped her foot, deciding what to do. "Fine, then. I'm beginning to calm down again, anyway. Sugar always helps." She padded across the room to retrieve a tissue, then dabbed it across her mouth. "There! Am I pretty, again?" she demanded.

"No, merely clean." An involuntary smile raised one corner of her mouth. "Why not open another gift?" Snape suggested.

"I've a better idea." Crossing over to the tree, she picked up a small package and gave it to Snape. "Read the tag."

"To The Great Snapini from Lulu." He opened the package and gaped in disbelief. "SOCKS? You gave me a pair of argyle socks?" Snape examined them closely, noting the strange blend of colors. "I prefer to wear only black."

"Why?" Clancy wondered.

"It suits me."

"Well, take a walk on the wild side for once in your sorry life. Inside your boots, they won't show. No one will know the difference."

"I'll know the difference," Snape assured her sourly.

"I carried on Aunt Hilly's tradition and gave Albus socks for Christmas. If socks are good enough for the headmaster, they're certainly good enough for you!"

"What did you give to Lupin?"

"I gave Remus socks, too. What did you think I'd give him -- a framed picture of me naked?"

"Do you have such a picture?"

"I most certainly do not!"

"I am overjoyed to hear it." Snape placed the offensive socks in his pocket.

"If you don't like them, transfigure them into lamb chops and eat them for dinner!" Clancy proposed nastily.

Snape studied her face. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I've become rather set in my ways over the years. If it will please you, I shall wear them sometime soon. Perhaps on Hogmanay?"

"You're a hard person to shop for," Clancy chided Snape defensively. "Just what is an appropriate gift for the man who hates everything? Here," she added, bringing another package over to Snape, "you probably won't like this, either, but you may as well open it."

Snape read the tag: "To Severus, with all my love, Clancy." Removing the wrapping, he found a book, Witticisms I Learnt At A Muggle's Knee (And Other Joints): A Compendium Of Humourous Quotations. "A rather thin volume," he grumbled.

"It's only a small sampling. I found it in a little shop in Hogsmeade. Their Muggle literature section was limited. Your knowledge of my culture is sorely lacking, so I suggest that you take the trouble to read it, someday."

"I shall--someday." He reached inside his cloak and presented Clancy with a silver box tied with green ribbon. "From me," he mumbled.

Clancy eyed Snape's gift hesitantly. "Slytherin colors. This has nothing to do with snakes, does it?"

"No. Open it, but, keep in mind that I am not experienced in giving romantic presents."

"Severus! You bought me something romantic?"

"I didn't buy it; I created it for you. Now, are you going to open it or aren't you?" Snape watched nervously as she began pulling off the ribbon.

Inside the box, Clancy discovered a golden bell--a plain, unadorned, insignificant bell, about the size of a teacup. She rang it, but it made no sound. "Is the clapper damaged?" she asked.

"It is a silent Summoning Bell that only I can hear," Snape explained. "If you should ever need me, ring it, and I will come to you."

"How close do I have to be in order for you to hear it?"

"That is the magic of the bell. Wherever you are, anywhere in the world, its ring will lead me to you. But, this you must remember: Only use it if you are in danger or have desperate need of me. I am not your lapdog to be summoned for frivolous matters. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Severus. It's a lovely gift, but, why would I ever be in danger?"

"Let us hope that you never will be. There are certain...perils that exist in my world that you are better off knowing nothing about. I intended the gift to be romantic but practical, as well. I will always endeavor to protect you if it is in my power to do so. In return, I ask that you never question my actions. When I promised you that I would always be truthful, I meant in regard to our personal relationship in the present. I do not wish to discuss my past with you -- ever. Is that clear?"

Stunned, Clancy responded, "No, it's not clear at all. I love you, Severus, and I believe you love me, too, even though you're too arrogant to admit it. What could possibly be so bad that you couldn't share it with me?"

Snape turned away from her and gazed into the fire. "Clancy, have you ever done anything in your life for which you were thoroughly ashamed?"

"Of course, I have. Everyone has, at one time or another."

"What, for instance?" he inquired skeptically.

"Well, let me see...I've been issued tickets for driving too fast and for parking illegally. I've thrown popcorn at the screen in a movie theatre, and stuck gum under the table at restaurants. I even stole a ten-cent chocolate mint, once, just because the service was slow. And, then there was the time I--"

"That is more than enough detail about your life of crime. It's a wonder you weren't incarcerated years ago."

"Wouldn't you like to hear about the time Aunt Hilly and I were nearly arrested?"

Snape turned to face her. "Pray, enlighten me."

"Well, we were attending the Rose Parade on Colorado Boulevard--"

"The Rose Parade?"

"It's an annual Muggle event held on New Year's Day. Volunteers kill perfectly beautiful flowers, pick off all the petals, then glue them onto huge platforms, called floats. Some poor sucker has to drive a car in the dark underneath all that mess, then people stand on top and wave like fools to throngs of idiots who camped out all night on hard concrete."

"Fascinating," Snape remarked acidly.

"Anyway, just as the Queen's float passed by, Aunt Hilly pulled two water pistols out of her bag and pressed one of them into my hand. She said, 'If she's the Queen of Roses, she ought to be well watered, don't you agree?' Aunt Hilly only got off three good squirts before a policeman came along and grabbed the pistols away from us. I never even fired a shot!"

"Then, what happened?" Snape asked, utterly bemused.

"Aunt Hilly told the officer what a fine young man he was. She complimented his eyes and went on and on about how he was the spitting image of her first sweetheart. She had him wrapped around her little finger in no time at all, and he let us off with a warning!"

"Remarkable," Snape declared. "I had absolutely no idea I was becoming involved with such a hardened criminal. I am convinced that you pose a greater threat to Hogwarts than Sirius Black. I must alert the headmaster, at once."

Despite his attempt at humor, Snape still looked uncomfortable. "Severus," Clancy said softly, seating herself across from him. "Please tell me what's bothering you. I know you're reluctant to speak of it, but, whatever it is, can't you just put it behind you? Isn't it time to move on?"

Snape stared at the floor. "No one has ever understood me or my motivations. You wouldn't either."

"How can you be so sure that I wouldn't? I thought you had finally learned to trust me."

"I will tell you a small part if you will promise never to bring up the subject again. Do you agree to those terms?" Clancy nodded solemnly.

"I made many mistakes as a young man; supreme errors in judgment. For years, I have been taking steps to atone for my transgressions, and because of this, I am constantly under strain. I conceal my emotions to disguise the endless torment I suffer, but my suppressed rage frequently surfaces in temperamental outbursts."

"Is that why you're so hard on your students?"

"No. As a child, I was never allowed to fail. I was held up to very high standards, which is why it galls me to have to teach intellectually lazy children. I detest the lot of them."

"Then, why did you choose teaching as a profession?"

"I have my reasons, and they are personal."

"But, why do you punish yourself so? Can't you allow yourself to be happy?"

"Perhaps I don't deserve to be happy."

"Everyone deserves to be happy, especially on Christmas. Is that all you care to tell me?"

Rising from his chair, Snape was careful to avoid Clancy's eyes. "If I were to tell you any more, I fear you would stop loving me."

"Stop loving you?" Clancy approached Snape and draped her arms around his neck, forcing him to meet her gaze. "You haven't even allowed me to start, yet!"

As Snape held her close, the faintest hint of a smile creased his mouth. "Only six more days until Hogmanay," he reminded her.

"And, we will ring in the bells of the New Year together," she assured him.

"Yes, the bells. Always remember: If you should ever need me, Clancy, use the Summoning Bell and give me a ring."

"I'll remember, Severus. And," she added pointedly, "if you were ever to give me a ring, I wouldn't mind at all."

"Everything to you is a play on words or a joke, it seems."

Clancy traced Snape's mouth gently with her fingertip. "Never presume that I am joking."

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

The holiday tale Clancy referred to is "Pegasus and the Star", adapted from a story by John Brangwyn from The Golden Christmas Book. (Golden Press, 1955)