HIGHLY IMPROBABLE


Chapter 14: Almost Like Being In Love


*~~~*~~~*

"At last, you have come to your senses," Snape said to Clancy, when she caught up with him. "I knew your keen instinct for self-preservation would assert itself."

"It's not that. You're unfamiliar with Muggle money, so you'll need my help."

"Help? I need your help about as much as I need a dancing pineapple! I've a mind to leave you outside in the street guarding the broom, while I enjoy a leisurely meal. It's times such as these, that your ingratitude saddens me."

The happy couple turned a corner, and Snape spotted a convenient pub called the Wicked Wicket. "This looks decent. We will dine here."

"I thought you promised me the finest restaurant in the village."

"I haven't seen a fine restaurant in this village. Are you coming in or aren't you?"

"All right, but I have serious reservations..."

The pub was certainly enjoying a brisk business. Snape and Clancy were lucky to find a table. The menu was extensive; the décor, quite tasteful. Perhaps Clancy had been mistaken in her judgment. While Snape ordered their meal, she glanced around the room and noticed a dance floor. Several couples, all of the same gender, were dancing. Clancy's eyes surveyed the other patrons, and her suspicions were confirmed.

Snape announced he was going off to wash his hands. "I'd keep my back to the wall if I were you," Clancy advised.

"And what, precisely, is that supposed to mean?" Snape asked.

"I'm merely suggesting caution since you're wearing a kilt. You might want to keep your eye on things."

"What are you trying to get at?"

"It's not me you have to worry about getting at you," Clancy said pointedly. Snape gave her a blank stare. "Has it escaped your notice that I'm the only female in here?"

"What of it?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Clancy let the matter drop.

After Snape returned, their dinner was served, and they consumed it greedily. Near the end of the meal, a drunk staggered over to their table.

"Ah now," the man said, leaning over them, his hot breath reeking of gin, "we've a Scot here. Keeping something for me under that kilt?"

Snape reached inside his doublet for Clancy's wand.

"Severus - don't!" Clancy implored.

"Pay the check and let's leave!" Snape ordered.

The drunk would not be put off. "Give us a peek at your Neeps and Tatties," he wheedled, lurching forward. He reached toward Snape's kilt.

Snape sprang out of his chair, and grabbed the man's throat. Pushing him down hard against the table, he began choking the sot. A group of pub patrons rushed to his aid. Snape began to fight them, but he was vastly outnumbered.

Clancy racked her brain for a distraction before something most unexpected occurred: The door swung open, and in hopped the pineapple from the Great Snapini's magic act, still dancing a lively conga.

"Look, everyone!" Clancy shouted above the din, "It's CONGA TIME! Queue up behind the dancing pineapple!"

The fighting ceased, as the brawlers eagerly began following the fortuitous fruit. Clancy quickly threw money on the table, grabbed the broom, and gathered up Snape. They escaped unnoticed through the merriment.

"Are you all right, Severus?" she asked, when they were a safe distance away.

Snape was breathing hard, and was quite disheveled. One of his eyes was beginning to swell, but he was not seriously hurt.

"Hogwarts! Broom! Now!" was all he could manage to articulate.


*~~~*~~~*

It was a clear, starry night. Snape studied the heavens to navigate their course as they flew north. Clancy was the first to speak. "Can't we land and rest for a while? I'm completely worn out."

"NO!" Snape said emphatically.

"Why not? You look tired too."

"We are finally making good time, and I am anxious to be rid of you. This entire day has been disastrous. I hold you completely responsible."

"I admit that the Floo incident and the airsickness were my fault, but you're the one who brought us to Wales. The talent competition and the Wicked Wicket were your ideas."

Snape relented, and they began descending. He landed on top of a secluded, grassy knoll overlooking a nearby town. "We will rest here for a few hours, but no more," he told Clancy firmly.

"HERE?" Clancy asked, aghast. "This is a cemetery!"

"What better location to enjoy a sound rest?"

"You always bring me to the nicest places," she remarked, shaking her head in disgust. "You don't actually expect me to sleep here, do you? This is preposterous!"

"Suit yourself, but I intend to sleep here." Snape began to search the ground.

"What are you looking for?"

"A leaf. In spite of your inferior wand, I am hoping that I will be able to transfigure an adequate blanket." In the growing gloom, it took Snape a long time to find a suitable leaf and successfully create a plush, russet-colored coverlet. "At least one thing turned out well today," he said, displaying his handiwork. "This will do quite nicely."

"What about me?" Clancy complained. "Can't you transfigure one for me, too?"

"I may be persuaded, but you will have to supply your own leaf."

"It's too dark! I'll never find one."

"Then share mine, if you must."

"All right, but I refuse to get on top of anyone."

Snape raised his eyebrows and gave her a quizzical stare.

"I meant on top of a grave, naturally," she quickly clarified.

Snape selected a spot against a low stone wall, and they settled themselves in. Clancy said, "Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"You wouldn't really thrash the tar out of me and leave me for the vultures, would you?"

"I haven't yet, have I?"

"No, but why not?"

"If you must know, it's because Dumbledore trusts me to look after you. His trust tends to foster loyalty and devotion - even in the likes of me."

"I trust you too, Severus," Clancy said softly, moving closer toward him.

"Trust no one, Clancy, least of all me," Snape warned. He folded his arms behind his head, and scowled up at the stars.

"Why shouldn't I trust you?"

Snape thought for a moment, and then replied, "That would be too difficult to explain, and I hope you will never ask me to."

Clancy moved closer still, snuggling against him. After a time, Snape lowered his arms, wrapping them around her. "You know," he admitted, "this is precisely why I brought you here."

"So we could be alone?" she asked expectantly.

"No. Muggles fear death, darkness, and the unknown. By bringing you here, I can ensure that you will not wander off and get us into any more trouble. If I gave you free rein, I am sure that you would find a way to pull us both into a bog. This way, you will be dependent upon me, and I can keep you firmly under my control."

"Well, that's very Slytherin of you, I must say!" Clancy rolled away from Snape, pulling the blanket along with her.

"Clancy?"

"WHAT?"

"Come back into my arms, won't you?" Snape pleaded.

"What for?" she answered crossly.

"My knees are cold. I need the blanket."

"You vile, hateful bastard! Would it kill you to say something tender? I don't even know why I - "

"Why you what?"

"Put up with you," she pouted.

"There is something wrong with me?"

"You're OBTUSE!"

Uninvited, Snape moved closer to her and reclaimed his share of the blanket. Eventually, Clancy positioned herself back in his arms again. The tip of her nose was chilly, so she nestled it beside Snape's ear.

"Get that bothersome icicle away from me!" he grumbled. "I am trying to warm up, not become even colder!"

"You couldn't possibly become any colder," Clancy observed bitterly.

"Clancy?"

"NOW what?"

"The way you distracted my attackers was rather clever. I might have been in trouble if it weren't for you," Snape admitted.

"You needn't thank me, thank the pineapple. And, while we're on the subject, I don't want to hear another disparaging remark about my judgment ever again. Granted, your magical abilities are far superior to mine, but I occasionally prove useful."

"We do seem to complement each other in strange ways," Snape mused. "We just don't travel well together, I am afraid."

Clancy laughed at this understatement. Snape managed a mild snicker. "Good night, Snapini," Clancy murmured against the side of his neck.

"Good night...Lulu."

Snape fell asleep first. Clancy lay awake, analyzing the events of their very trying day. Here I am, she thought, sleeping in a graveyard, wrapped in the arms of a pickpocket wearing a kilt. Ah, life is good!


*~~~*~~~*

Before the sun rose, they were back on the broom, heading for Hogwarts. They flew along making very good time, until at last they approached the castle. Resting her free hand on the broom handle, Clancy ran a finger along its shaft, and felt a narrow fissure.

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"I believe the broom handle has split."

"Nonsense. It is as sound as it has ever been."

"You did select the cheapest one in the shop, remember?"

Before Snape could respond, they heard a loud cracking noise, and the handle broke. "Hold on! We're going down!" Snape shouted.

He managed to land them safely just outside the Forbidden Forest, but his Cleansweep bargain was beyond repair. In frustration, Snape threw the pieces on the ground as hard as he could. "We will have to walk the rest of the way," he decided. "We could cross down to the lake, but if we cut through the Forbidden Forest, we will get there faster."

"I thought the Forest was off-limits."

"Dumbledore's warning is for students and other fools. It certainly doesn't apply to me. Now, let's go. We are wasting time."

"All right, if you're sure."

"I am fully in control. Nothing can possibly - "

"Yes, Severus?"

"Never mind."


*~~~*~~~*

They hiked through the forest, heading deeper into its interior. A clearing appeared ahead, blocked by a tall shrubbery that rimmed its perimeter. "What an odd hedge," Clancy said wonderingly. "The tips of the leaves are silver - and shimmering. What do you suppose it is?"

"I haven't memorized every specimen of flora and fauna in this wretched place. What difference does it make?" Snape snorted. "We will just have to make our way through it."

He began pushing aside the dense branches, with Clancy following close behind. The hedge was quite thick, and it took some time before they emerged on the other side. They walked for a while longer, once more entering the dark forest canopy. They passed into a grove of grotesquely gnarled trees.

"I think I know where we are now," Snape said confidently.

"You think you know? You weren't sure before?"

"I have never actually been this far into the Forbidden Forest. I have only entered from the Hogwarts side, not from the outer edge."

"NOW, you tell me!"

"At any rate, look straight through the tops of those trees. I believe I see the smoke from Hagrid's chimney."

Relieved to find themselves so close to their destination, they quickened their pace. As they neared Hagrid's cabin, they saw something amiss in his pumpkin patch. Behind one of the boulder-sized pumpkins, two students were sharing a moment of stolen pleasure. Oblivious to Snape and Clancy, they were rapidly shedding their inhibitions along with their clothes.

Snape interrupted their progress. "Of all the blatant improprieties! The headmaster shall hear of this at once! Stand up, and put your clothing back on immediately!"

A boy with messy hair and steamed glasses wrapped his Invisibility Cloak strategically around his midsection before bolting toward the castle at top speed. A fair-skinned girl, with long, dark hair bound in a plait, casually buttoned her robe, and then turned to face her accuser. She regarded Clancy, and then Snape, but didn't speak. Her dark eyes wore an expression of both contrition and confusion.

"WELL?" Snape demanded of the girl, "What have you to say for yourself?"

"Mum? Dad?" she began sheepishly. "I thought you'd be in Hogsmeade for the day." Looking at Snape, she inquired, "Why are you dressed in a kilt, Dad? And, why do you both look so...young?"