Empty Shadows, Lonely Roads: Chapter I
by horsensaddle
Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter or the song “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”. If I did, I would be writing on a state of the art laptop instead of one from the Stone Age.

A/N: WARNING!!!!!!!! This contains Book 6 spoilers. Read at your own risk!!

Empty Shadows, Lonely Roads

People say that our lives are like roads that we travel, journeying down a path day by day towards the end. The forks in the road are those choices that we must make; hills and mountains are obstacles we must face.

If this is true, then I have chosen the wrong fork once too often, and there are no plains in my path, only steep and rocky heights. The road I walk is lonely and deserted, but it is the only one I have ever known. Shadows cloud the hidden corners of my mind and darkness threatens daily to overcome.

People look at me and see only a cold, sarcastic, unfeeling bastard who despises everyone and everything around him. They do not know the events and choices that led me to become this shell of a man. No one had tried to get to know me, learn of my past, or see who I truly am.

Save for one.

Albus Dumbledore. The most renowned wizard in the world, the only man Voldemort himself feared. My ally through accusations, doubts, and rumors that have followed me for all eternity. My light, my savior, my mentor, my friend. The man who guided and saved me from the dark side, rescued me from Azkaban, taught me everything I know that truly matters. Most amazingly of all, despite my past, despite the horrors I have committed, despite my cold, bitter front, he got to know me. He found whatever wall I had erected around myself, shattered it to bits quite happily, and persisted until I could call him not just a mentor, or a savior, but a friend. A true friend.

Albus is the only reason I am not horribly dark and twisted as a loyal member of the Dark Lord’s regime, or locked up in a cell in Azkaban. For that alone, I would follow him to the ends of the earth, do anything he asked of me, no matter how difficult.

That was why I had to do what I did that night.

After my meeting with Narcissa and Bellatrix, I ran to him and told him what I had done. Though they had not said, I knew what Draco was being called to do, and I knew that by making the Unbreakable Vow, I would have to do it. I would have to kill Albus Dumbledore. But I had no choice. My foolish hope was that he would just let me die instead of him, instead of having to fulfill the Vow. But I had pledged to follow him in whatever he asked of me, even if he asked what I thought was the impossible.

But it wasn’t. The Death Eaters invaded, as planned, cornering Albus. Draco, full of taunts and confidence at the beginning, soon found he could not kill his Headmaster. I could. I did. I did not want to; I had begged not to, but I had no choice.

In that moment, that moment of a flash of green light and the fluttering of robes falling through the air, I hated him. At times, I still do. I hate him for making me do the unthinkable, for making me kill him, for leaving me alone in this world. Then I hate myself more.

There is no forgiveness for me, no mercy, no compassion, no pity. I deserve none. I want none.

The road I walk is lonely; there is no one that I can see anywhere to help me. The only one who would is gone. I am an outcast, a murderer sought by the entire wizarding world. Everyday I wake up, hoping that it is over, that maybe I am dead. But no, I am still alive, and I continue on the journey towards the end. The only thing beside me is my shadow, as dark and tainted as my soul. My home is in darkness, and darkness is my home. Though the road I walk is lonely, it is all I know. And although I don’t know where it leads, I know I will walk it alone.

I always have.

FINITE

A/N: This is inspired by Green Day’s “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”. You may have already recognized some of the lines as being adapted from the song. This is my first ever story from Severus Snape’s point of view, so please, tell me how I did. Reviews are greatly appreciated and will be framed and hung on my wall. Constructive criticism is also appreciated, but flames will be used to roast marshmallows. Thank you for reading, and please take three seconds to review!!


This story archived at: Occlumency
http://occlumency.sycophanthex.com/viewstory.php?sid=3344