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Reviews for The Intruder

Lucie 2004.03.29 - 09:14AM 3: Chapter 3 - Threats, Taunts, and Jests Anonymous
Another nice chapter. Snapes behaviour was very believable; I would have expected more understanding and concern from Mme Pomfrey, as those "jokes" were quite dangerous, but as we never saw her attitude towards Muggles in canon, it is still possibly "in character" for her.

Lucie 2004.03.28 - 12:14PM 2: Chapter 2 - An Invitation Anonymous
Hmmmm ... this leaves a few questions: What exactly was her field of study at university? "Science" in general is not enough of an explanation. Then there is the problem of using electronic devices at Hogwarts. The books tell us it is impossible, so making it work nonetheless would need a little more of an explanation. Her (does she have a name, by the way?) conclusion that Potions should be the first thing to try is logical - the question whether the magic of the one creating the potion is actually needed or if it is the ingredients and way of preparing the potion alone that gives it its potential is one I have asked myself before and would like to see your opinion about! And what a nice way to have her interact more with Snape. ;) There still remain some questions: Why is she given such "shabby" quarters - and how is Filch as a Squib able to light torches magically or help her getting rid of Grindelows and other such things? Last point for this chapter: There are a few spelling mistakes and missing commas, so you might want to have someone look over your chapters before postinmg. Sometime, a second set of eyes sees those nasty little errors one misses when proofreading one's own text. All in all, I enjoyed reading this chapter very much and hope you are not angry at me for pointing out the things that didn't quite work for me. Looking forward to her first Potions class now!

Author's Response: To my dear reviewer, Lucie: Thank you for helping me improve the story. I've made several corrections that reflect your observations. I've made some modifications about the electronic devices. I hope you think they are enough. About the shabby quarters, I hope this will become clear in a few chapters. I changed a word to suggest that Filch does not create the torch-salt-shaker and only provides her with it. I found two spelling mistakes which I corrected (I can't believe they got by the spell checker!) Two things I left unchanged: I assume Filch has been provided with the proper tools for magical pest control (see 'Prisoner of Azkaban' where Lupin asks Filch not to get rid of a boggart). About her name and her field of study, I hope as the story progresses you'll see the reason I chose to leave those unspecified.

Lucie 2004.03.28 - 11:52AM 1: Chapter 1 - Young Harry Potter on the Block Anonymous
Wow! What a way to introduce a new character and to start a story! I'm off now to read the next chapters ...

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