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| duj | 2019.03.09 - 08:21PM | 1: One-shot | Signed |
| Revisiting this fic by chance, I noticed your reply to my comment 6 years ago. But my opinion wasn't based on your-Dumbledore but your-Snape, because he crafted his defection story around Lily's death "two weeks ago". Why would his panic-driven story focus not on the time of his defection - the point at issue - but on later events? | |||
| duj | 2013.06.05 - 04:20AM | 1: One-shot | Signed |
| Good fic overall, but it contains one of my pet peeves; incorrect timing of Snape's defection. Harry was wrong in HBP. He was wrong, and he should have known he was wrong. He misunderstood Dumbledore, and jumped to a conclusion that contradicted Dumbledore's courtroom testimony and that has been decisively disproved by DH. Snape went to Dumbledore as soon as he knew Voldemort was *targeting* the Potters. He didn't wait for them to die. So he had been spying for the Order for much longer than the three months your-Dumbledore attested to in this fic. The Potters were on the run for a year before their deaths, their whereabouts repeatedly betrayed by Wormtail and their escapes in the nick of time attributable to warnings from "one of Dumbledore's useful spies". But most of Dumbledore's spies were in the Ministry. We only know of *one* in Voldemort's camp... Author's Response: I'm sorry you didn't understand this story. I know Snape defected in August 1980, or thereabouts. Dumbledore says 'in the last three months' because Snape's charges are 'continuing in the service of your fallen master'. Maybe he should have mentioned the previous year, but that would have opened up a huge can of worms - did Snape know the Potters would die, did Dumbledore know, If Dumbledore knew, why didn't he go to the Ministry for help, etc. I think Crouch would have exploded! | |||
| Sariana | 2009.06.15 - 06:13PM | 1: One-shot | Signed |
| Very nice work. I'm not a huge fan of first-person narratives, but I agree that it works quite well here. I like your references to canon, and also your nod to _The Crucible_, one of my favorite plays and an excellent parallel here.
One suggestion: It might make more sense to have DD say, "After Severus's friends were targeted (rather than murdered)." This would be technically more accurate yet is ambiguous enough to corroborate Severus's story without really confirming it. Author's Response: Thank you. The Crucible is one of my favourites too and the trails in HP seem as creepy as the ones in the play. Point taken about 'targeted'. No one wants to deny they were murdered, but targeted does blur the timing nicely - think I'll go and change it now! | |||
| Bella_Portia | 2009.03.09 - 02:25AM | 1: One-shot | Signed |
| Outstanding, and entirely credible. It read like canon. (Even the first names of Travers and Mulciber -- I had to ask myself of those were, in fact, canon names.) I think you imagined it perfectly. Author's Response: Wow, what a compliment - thank you! I feel much more at home writing canon compliant. I couldn't find any first names for Travers and Mulciber on hp lexicon, and had to tear myself away from 'Thomas' for Travers - he's a PG Wodehouse character, maybe that's what inspired my names! | |||
| pitwitch | 2009.01.27 - 12:37PM | 1: One-shot | Signed |
| Very enjoyable indeed. A delightful glimpse into the mind of a fascinating character at a horrible moment in the story .. Author's Response: Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it - i enjoyed getting into the mind of a young Snape, greiving, but not quite as damaged yet as we know him. | |||
| Sylvia Linslade | 2008.09.08 - 01:49AM | 1: One-shot | Signed |
| Overall excellent; I enjoyed it very much. I think you have Severus's voice down quite well. I particularly liked the detail of him failing at Occlumency with dementors around.
One thing I was a little disappointed with was Dumbledore's line about "no more a Death Eater than I am". The idea of him repeating the exact same words later when Karkaroff is giving names comes off kind of awkward. The further details (any contact with the DEs has been on my orders, etc) is fine, just that one line seems jarring to me.
Also I very much liked the bit near the end with Moody, paranoid bugger that he is. ;) Author's Response: Glad you thought it was 'overall' excellent. As I said in the notes, this was inspired by the very phrase from GoF that you didn't like. My style is very much to take what is in the books and use it to build a story round. And I often compare situations between characters and reuse lines. I have already done exactly this in my Sirius story 'Sanctuary' on Lumos. The idea of Dumbledore repeating what he said in Snape's trial to Crouch at Karkaroff's was meant to show how little regard he has for the Ministry jobsworths - 'I've already told you this' kind of thing. Sorry you didn't get it. | |||
| kittylefish | 2008.08.24 - 04:22PM | 1: One-shot | Signed |
| what an excellent job you did with coloring in this scene from snape's pov. kind of heartbreaking to think of him so young and already feeling like in some ways his life was over. Author's Response: Thank you. This only worked when I started writing it in the first person. I was so shocked when I read DH and realised that by the time they were 21, Lily and James were dead, Sirius was in Azkaban and Snape was risking his life as a spy and saying 'I wish I was dead'. I try to show the human behind Snape's mask and I like to compare Harry's life to his parents' generation's. I've done the same with Sirius in 'Sanctuary' on Lumos. Glad you liked this one. | |||
| morgaine_dulac | 2008.08.18 - 04:44PM | 1: One-shot | Signed |
| So very Snape to comment on his capturer's speech, it made me laugh. And 'Free to continue my life. My pointless, empty life.' made me wipe away a tear. Poor Severus. Thanks for sharing. /M
Author's Response: Thank you. It took me several revisions to get to 'My pointless, empty life.' Glad you liked it. | |||
| Rose of the West | 2008.08.18 - 02:24PM | 1: One-shot | Signed |
| Excellent. I've often wondered what that would be like, too.
"How sophisticated." That was just delicious. So perfectly Snapeish. Author's Response: Thanks. It was difficult to get the balance of Snape as a 21 year old still greiving and the sarky Snape we all know and love. This story didn't work until I wrote it in the first person. Nice to know you think I can write Snapeish dialogue! | |||
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