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Reviews for Just Like Heaven

Jong_Kahn 2011.07.17 - 01:11AM 2: The Descent Signed
I liked this, both chapters, but for me the song fragments were like small throw rugs I tripped over. With all respect due you, to me they didn't fit as naturally as you felt they did, and every time I encountered one I thought it was part of the story, but no, there was a title and a group mentioned, which was like a speed hump slowing down my interest in the story. There's nothing wrong with your tastes. I'm just saying I think the story would have flowed more naturally and easily, without the interruption of those lyrics. Thanks for writing the story, though--it was well worth reading.

Author's Response: Thank you for the feedback. I can see what you mean. The songs actually inspired the entire text, so I guess that is why I included them. But I see how they can interrupt the flow. Next time I'll just keep them to myself. Cheers!

JLHufflepuff 2008.04.01 - 07:46PM 2: The Descent Signed
You are the master of the kind of feeling I really like to read .. it's kind of angst but kind of not. Can't really describe it. But I just love the melancholy way this progresses. It was a nice touch having Lily tell the Marauders about Levicorpus, though I think I remember Remus saying something about how everyone kind of used that spell during their time at Hogwarts. Anyway, the scene where Snape went and cried was extremely moving and realistic. It shows one step along the way to him becoming the hateful person we see in the books. He had feelings like everyone else, but he had to bury them because he had so many dark, horrible memories he didn't want to deal with anymore - and anger was easier!

Author's Response: I remember Remus saying that too, but they also mention that it is one of the spells that Severus invented, so this is my explaination of how it got to be a well known spell of their time. I don't know if it fits. I'll have to go back and research it. I'm glad you felt I stayed true to Severus' characteristics and emotions. Cheers!

JLHufflepuff 2008.04.01 - 07:40PM 1: The Ascent Signed
I think you just "know" Severus. The part that takes place toward the end of DH where you show his thoughts right before death is just perfect! I also like the two memories you showed in this chapter. I love the way it shows that they were friends but very special friends with just a little something more. Their kiss in the Forbidden Forest was so forlorn!!!!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks. I'd like to think I understand Severus, but it is a true compliment to hear I 'know' him. I also glad you enjoyed their doomed romantic relationship. Cheers!

Bella_Portia 2008.03.17 - 01:30AM 2: The Descent Signed
Hello, again. I have to say at the outset that it bothers me not to be able to refer to the story as I write this. Part 2 is also strong, and there are some excellent sections. The first part, where Lily and SS are fighting over how the l/c spell got out, is very good. My only thoughts were that (1) SS statement "Did he pry it out of your pretty lips" seemed a bit stilted. They do talk like real people in canon, and "Did he pry it out of you" sounds more natural to my ear, at least. The other is the observations that Lily comes off pretty badly in that scene -- she breaks her promise by telling Remus, and instead of telling her friend immediately that she messed up, she lies and tries to mislead him. Not good. The later scene, which uses so much additional DH dialogue, was very good. The only observation goes to that fact that a few things were in there that were a bit obvious. When you refer to the bit of hair has his most prized posession (or similar language) -- I thought that was unnecessary; you've set it up so that the reader understands the item's value at the time he destroys it. Elsewhere, where you say he makes a promise not to cry -- that he would break in 4 years. The part about breaking the promise is not "of the moment" and it's unnecessary to anyone who's read DH. I liked the scene with Lucius, except I didn't understand the secrecy. I would have gotten it had they been in public, but his Malfoy Manor not secure? Finally, I hate to end with a critical comment on the last scene, but I have to admit it did confuse me. The way it began, I thought it was a reference to the night the Potters died. But I thought SS took the picture of Lily from Sirius's bedroom at Grimmauld Place after he killed DD. Perhaps I didn't read carefully enough.' As I said, I was sorry to end on that note, because I liked the story a lot; and I really liked your original take o that storyline. I haven't mentioned the songfic aspect, but the lyrics worked in nicely.

Author's Response: The suggestions and constructive criticisms you have given are very true and helpful. I am so glad you have pointed them out and taken the time to be specific. I was a little confused about Severus' timeline in reference to when he picked up Lily's picture, I'll need to go back and re-read that portion. I also agree about the "out of the moment" comment. I have found this very helpful. Again, thank you for taking the time to be specific. I'm also glad you liked the music lyrics, it's something new I tried. Cheers!

Bella_Portia 2008.03.17 - 01:08AM 1: The Ascent Signed
Hi. Sorry it took me so long to post this. I will do it in two parts, Although I thought the story would have worked just as well had it not been broken up, I could see the logic in dividing it as you did. I thought the writing in the very first section, where you described SS at the point of death, was very strongly written with fine language. That was really beautifully done. I really liked the way you recast the "worst memory," creating your own precursors. The scene in the forest, with the kiss and the levicorpus spell, was very clever, and it worked really well on a couple of levels. First, it demonstrated an intensity of relationship; and, second, it was an original set up for a "different" version of the story. Well done.

Author's Response: Thank you, Bella for taking the time to give me such a detailed review. I really appreciate your specific comments. I also agree that the story could have been together as a whole, and did post it that way on Lumos. This was my first attempt at chapters. I'm glad you felt it was a logical place to break up the story. Thank you again and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Cheers!

morgaine_dulac 2008.03.08 - 01:53PM 2: The Descent Signed
Again, beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Author's Response: You are very welcome. I'm glad you read the second chapter and enjoyed it. Cheers!

morgaine_dulac 2008.03.05 - 04:05PM 1: The Ascent Signed
Thanks for sharing.

Author's Response: Your welcome. There is another chapter that will be hopefully posted soon. It's a continuation subtitled The Descent. This was the 'happy' chapter.




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