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| d w chong | 2011.04.14 - 12:19PM | 8: “Should I really believe you?” | Signed |
| While your English is incredibly articulate for an EASL (English As a Second Language) user, your critics are correct: this is NOT a finished story. A complete story has a beginning, middle, and end. Not an arbitrary ending, such as you've given it, but a true resolution to the conflict. They are also correct in saying that you need to reveal The Plan. It would, in fact, be helpful if we knew WHEN The Plan came into being. I know you attempted to explain this, but I'm afraid you did not succeed. By incorporating The Plan into your story it became AU, and as an Alternative Universe you are obligated to play fair with your readers and share that universe --and what sets it apart from canon-- with us. Otherwise, you are cheating us of your vision and your point. And there IS no point to this story as it stands, as, we pointed out, it has no resolution. Hence the unmistakable impression of incompleteness. I urge you to read up on story construction, and to ponder the point to it all. What were you trying to accomplish --besides polishing your English skills? Having commenced such a marvelous beginning, once you have finished your new story, [as we must all bow to our Muses], submit to the will of your readers and finish THIS tale. The satisfaction of a true resolution will reward you for your efforts. Author's Response: Apologies, I have no intention to rewrite, change, modify or alter this story in any way. I'm sorry for your disappointment, but I am no more interested in it, after Book 7. Again, apologies. | |||
| Jong_Kahn | 2010.10.13 - 08:39AM | 8: “Should I really believe you?” | Signed |
| I agree with the previous reviewers that this story feels incomplete. But it was a terrific adventure, and of course, I was glad both that Severus has lived, and that the spirit of Dumbledore reached out through Hermione. I shall look up your other work. Bravissima! Author's Response: Thank you very much again! I feel honoured by your preference and by your compliments. And yes, the story is incomplete, because everything asks to be developed in a new adventure, in a sequel. But you understand, that would have meant to practically write book 7, that, in the days I wrote this story, was still in JKR's mind. I didn't want to substitute her book, but only to play with the many possibilities while waiting for it. Ufortunately, the tale book 7 told was a very bitter one for Severus... Thank you very much again. I'm glad you liked my little invention. Best wishes from Italy. | |||
| Jong_Kahn | 2010.10.13 - 08:15AM | 6: “Darkness is just before dawn” | Signed |
| Wow--what a panoply of emotions, in all the characters! You have left us so much to think about, I don't even have words to describe it. On to the next terrific chapter! Author's Response: Thank you. I know I am a very detailed author, when writing of feelings and emotions. Perhaps exaggerated. But, as you noticed, there are so many considerations we can make, so many unexplored possibilities, that it was impossible for me to renounce their dissection. | |||
| Jong_Kahn | 2010.10.13 - 07:44AM | 3: “Mine is your mind…” | Signed |
| What a flamboyantly evil Voldemort is yours! During the time he's got Severus on a skewer, not allowing him to talk, Voldemort is essentially engaged in a near-Shakespearean monologue! We get to see his mercurial moods--and his delusion (or is it?)--about Snape and his lust for power. We the readers were as relieved as Severus was, when Voldemort pooh-poohed Bellatrix' observation that Severus was loyal to Dumbledore. But I look forward to your next chapter. Well written! Another "10" for you! Author's Response: As all the movie villains, my Voldemort speaks too much ;) He likes the sound of his voice, as we say in Italy. But, as you have certainly understood, it was only a way to explore and display his thoughts - in effects, MY thoughts - to the readers. Thanks again for your compliments. | |||
| Jong_Kahn | 2010.10.13 - 07:23AM | 2: “Mine is your body…” | Signed |
| You have really done an excellent job fleshing out Rowling's original story. This is an entirely believable version of how events in the Death Eater camp unfolded after Dumbledore's death. Well done! Author's Response: Thanks! I have spent a lot of time after book 6 to imagine what might have happened "after". I'm glad to hear that my version was believable. | |||
| Jong_Kahn | 2010.10.13 - 06:56AM | 1: “What would a man be without his soul?” | Signed |
| My friend, English may not be your native tongue, but you have done quite well with this story. The enormity of the Harry Potter universe (or "Potterverse") lies in its ability to capture, yet roll around it, our imaginations. I absolutely love this sentence of yours: "Now, wasn’t it funny that he had been able to convince the leaders but not the followers?" You have hit the nail on the head here. Yes indeed: the two most powerful wizards in not only Britain, but the entire world, trust Severus Snape. Yet almost all their followers--of both sides--hold him in disdain and mistrust. Well spotted, and well said! Author's Response: Thank you very much for leaving me a message. I noticed your reviews only today, so I hope you will come and see my answer one of these days. The Plan was my first story, and I inserted a lot of personal considerations in it. I'm glad to see that "I have hit the nail on the head here", as you kindly said. And thank you also for teaching me a new expression I didn't know ;) | |||
| Isode | 2008.06.23 - 07:59PM | 2: “Mine is your body…” | Signed |
| Just picked up your story and I am enjoying the glimpse into the souls of some of our more questionable favorite characters. You are doing a great job and I look forward to finishing this story. Author's Response: Sorry, just noticed today that another review had added. Thank you very much for your kind words. The Plan was my very first attempt to write in English, so I'm always glad when people appreciate it ;) Hope to hear a final comment from you. Thanks again, best regards from Italy. | |||
| greenwood | 2008.03.20 - 08:23PM | 1: “What would a man be without his soul?” | Signed |
| Very dramatic first chapter. I thought your simple contrast between the Dark Lord and Dumbledore was well done...Severus being the only one that was truly the folcrum between the scales of good and evil and yet only the "masters" trusted him and no one else. Nicly done visuals too. Author's Response: Hi Greenwood! May I tell you that I was really hoping for your "visit"? You probably don't remember it anymore, but you were the first "name" I met in Sycophant Hex. We reviewed, side by side, a beautiful story called "The Potion Master of Azkaban", in the late 2006 (yes, my pen name is Memory and now you know why). You certainly were one of the persons I was thinking about, when I wrote my dedication to this story. This said, what else to add? I'm very grateful for your nice review and hope to receive more comments from you. Sorry for being so late in replying, but I just discovered your notes today. Excuse my poor English. Best wishes from Italy :) | |||
| morgaine_dulac | 2008.03.18 - 03:33PM | 8: “Should I really believe you?” | Signed |
| No, not at all! I still like the story very much. I just feel like the parts don't really add up, in my brain, that is. I will read the whole story once more and if I'm still confused, I'll let you know. Author's Response: OK, waiting for you. | |||
| morgaine_dulac | 2008.03.17 - 01:48PM | 8: “Should I really believe you?” | Signed |
| I must have missed something somewhere. Back to chapter one... Author's Response: Ops! What did you miss? I would be glad to help you... After all, I'm the author. Hope this doesn't mean that you have changed your opinion about my story ;) | |||
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