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Reviews for Saturnine

pitwitch 2007.12.01 - 10:41PM 2: Part 2 - Your Heart's An Empty Hole Signed
Gotta love a truly miserable SOB Snape. Thanks for sharing, Pitt

vampmissedith 2006.03.04 - 11:41PM 2: Part 2 - Your Heart's An Empty Hole Anonymous
Good. Very good. I liked how you kept the character. I liked her character. It was very well written.

JSSumner 2006.01.10 - 03:53PM 2: Part 2 - Your Heart's An Empty Hole Signed
Will there be more chapters? Also, what is the significance of the title Saturnine, if any? What does it mean? Do you have any other fanfictions in the works? I would love to read more from you.

Author's Response: This one is done; I hadn't written a story from start-to-finish in a few years, and this was a one-shot for practice. I do have two others that are in first draft stage - working out the kinks in the plot, etc; those might be up in a couple weeks.

Trickie Woo 2006.01.05 - 10:02PM 2: Part 2 - Your Heart's An Empty Hole Signed
I agree with Janette that the ending felt a bit rushed, I would like to have seen a bit more interplay/foreplay between them before the breakup. I do love it when Snape gets laid. But, anyway I am still of the opinion the the Snape of "Cauldrons Aflame" and the Snape of "Saturnine" are very similar. There is nothing wrong with that, it's just that you both envision him the same and I am looking at it with an objective viewpoint. I happen to like that vision of Snape. Although the scene in the cemetery startled me a bit when I fist came to it, by the time i had read the whole incident I accepted it and enjoyed it. I have as much of the voyeur in me as most people, that's why I like Snape romances with an S rating. In spite of her tryst in the cemetery I don't find Felicita to be a whore, I like her and have known people like her. She's a strong woman who didn't let him pull any of his usual tricks on her.

Maria 2006.01.05 - 12:21AM 2: Part 2 - Your Heart's An Empty Hole Signed
I enjoyed this story, however, I agree with some of the other reviewers that the heroine just 'rubs me the wrong way' for some reason. Perhaps it's because I can't imagine a younger Severus putting up with such a strong, free-spirited woman. He strikes me in canon as being very straightlaced so for him to get involved with a woman who is obviously not, then I think it would take him longer to fight his desire for her and he'd be reluctant to desire her. As he gets older through the series, well, then I could see it because by then he has had Minerva among others as examples of strong women that he can admire. But hey, that's just my own opinion about what Snape's like, and of course we all see him differently. Still, I like this story because it's very well written, with good pacing and dialogue. If you decide to write another chapter I would look forward to it.

Author's Response: It's funny how many people don't seem to like Felicita very much - it wasn't my intention, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. The whole idea was to throw him in with someone who can take what he dishes out and hand it right back to him - which is not what Snape needs for a healthy relationship, but it was fun to watch what two very screwed up people would do to each other.

JSSumner 2006.01.04 - 09:26PM 2: Part 2 - Your Heart's An Empty Hole Signed
Now, now, Marilynn, let us not compare Snapes. I realize that everyone has their own interpretation of him - that is what makes fanfiction so wonderful. I certainly don't want to compare my writing to anyone elses, for I am embarassed of my early writing. You see, I began with less than an ounce of knowledge on the subject, and have taught myself throughout the duration of my story with intense practice and study, and am still learning. To be blunt, my earlier chapters were crap! Marared, on the other hand, is incredibly talented. As a reader, I was simply pointing out the weaker points I saw in the underlying structure of the story itself. I now realize that I may have weighed too much on the negative, and I fear my comments my have been misunderstood. I wrote that Snape was a 'tad' out of character due to a seemingly excessive amount of shrewdness that had yet to be countered with a redeeming quality, a small spark that reminds the readers why we love him. I think she did a much better job in this chapter of bringing him to life. She found a balance between pros and cons that are complimentary to her writing. However, I am still weary of Felicita. Although she was more likeable in this chapter, I fear her first impression on me has damaged her character beyond repair. I mean, sex in a sacred cemetary is wicked enough, but with a married man, and to smile lewdly at an onlooker? I can understand being forced into performing sexual acts to survive (like Pretty Woman) but to take pride in being a whore is disgraceful. There really is no excuse for that. But I did like the theatre idea. Very creative. And the description of Snape in dress robes was a treat. The ribbon thing was hilarious! All skillfully and professionally written. Your technique is inspiring. However, I have to say that I felt it was a little rushed at the end. This part here: 'After the conversation in his study, he had found himself more inclined to enjoy her company rather than merely tolerating her between the times of admittedly excellent sex. She was intelligent and determined; perhaps not as subtle as he would have preferred, but neither was she an insufferable show-off. Better yet, she had ceased digging into his personal life quite so much, which had lulled him into complacency, and he looked forward to their occasional dalliances. She arrived on his doorstep one drizzly evening...' It seems like weeks, even months were tucked away in one short paragraph - weeks of bonding between the reader and the characters that were necessary to make the following scene heartfelt and real. Perhaps I am reading too much into this? Sorry. It must be the mood I am in. I absolutely love your writing style; its fresh and flows so artistically. But I am still having difficulty with the plot, mainly the heroine. She just rubs me the wrong way. Again, this is all my own opinion. I am sure there are others who disagree. I think we all agree, however, that you are gifted. And that's all that really matters here.

Author's Response: As I said to Maria, I'm amused at the negative reaction to Felicita - she's not supposed to be a pillar of decency, but I didn't think she'd inspire that much dislike. The wild, uninhibited free spirit would appeal to him on a short term basis, I think, which is why I made it a fling rather than a relationship. And the thing is - he's as terrible to her as she is to him, but on a different level, and for different reasons. She wants to "fix" him, and he... well... if you picked up WHO the person is that she reminds him of, that might explain some of his behavior towards her. (and yes, the end IS a bit rushed; I had trouble with the transition there. It's on my list of things to fix eventually.)

Trickie Woo 2006.01.04 - 06:38PM 2: Part 2 - Your Heart's An Empty Hole Signed
Boy, this chapter had a lot giong on in it. The relationship between them really crackles for me. What I like best about this story is that the sexual tension remains high even after they've had fantastic sex. I can't figure out if this is the end or not, personally I hope it's not. I do have a few questions though. like what do you mean when you wrote "He wore his hair back in a club? Next, where did the combat boots come from? I doubt that Snape had a pair, did she have a minaturized pair in her pocket? I read J.S. Sumner's review, I think she should take a look at her own story, except for their backgrounds her Snape and your Snape are very similar. I reread the last chapter she posted on FFN and in it he decides he is going to use the girl, Claira, to get as much love, sex, and affection as he can before he discards her. He plans to get a high ranking job in the Ministry after his Order of Merlin is awarded, and he can't have a Muggle born girlfriend among all those purebloods. In my mind that makes him meaner and nastier than your Snape. Never the less she has written an enjoyable story. I hope she hasn't abandoned the story, I enjoyed reading it and even now that it's totally AU I'd like to see it come to it's happy ending. I'm not a canon purity freak, I can enjoy stories that don't conform to canon.

Author's Response: A "club" is basically a type of ponytail, and Felicita used her wand to change her dress shoes to boots, since she couldn't exactly run around in heels. And people have different interpretations of just how mean Snape really is; we only ever see him from Harry's POV, so it's really all just a matter of opinion. I don't mind someone saying "I don't really think that's how he'd act" as long as they can provide a good solid reason why.

JSSumner 2006.01.03 - 02:50PM 1: Garlic In Your Soul Signed
You certainly have talent. Your play of words and vivid descriptions are admirable. However, I find Snape a tad out of character in this one. He seems too harsh without any redeeming qualities. I think Slytherins are too cunning to make enemies out of everyone they meet. Also, I find it hard to accept the heroine as a whore. I agree that Snape needs someone combative, but he also needs someone who is decent and has some moral fiber to teach him a thing or two about trust and how to conduct himself. This girl is poison to his already damaged existence. Again, your writing skills are profound. I am just concerned that the heroine is too sour to make this a believable romance, if indeed you are going to continue. As it stands, I would rather Snape seduce McGonagall than this shrewd serpent. It is going to take all your skills and then some to convince the reader/fan that this woman deserves Snape, and likewise. As you know, we are very protective of our snarky Potions master! Of course, this is only my personal opinion. And despite my reservations about this particular story, I am fond of your writing. Please don't take my comments as derogatory. I am simply pointing out aspects of your story that I think you should take into consideration. Good luck either way.

Author's Response: Well, Snape does lighten up a bit in the second half (still en queue), albeit briefly, but I think maybe we have different interpretations of him. I tend to see him as a singularly unpleasant person whose primary redeeming feature is the fact that, despite being a prickly son of a bitch, is still a GOOD person. (and I'm gonna believe that until JKR proves me wrong, dammit.) He just has a minefield of defense mechanisms a mile wide, and Felicita seems to trip over every last one of them. He's also not making enemies so much as he has absolutely no patience for people he perceives as incompetent. There are very few people he's openly respectful towards. As for Felicita - well, let's just say that she has her own issues, and is certainly not the sort who should be teaching him anything. *g* Two battered ships passing in the night, and all that. But thank you for the comments! I don't mind criticisms at all as long as they're constructive.

Trickie Woo 2006.01.02 - 12:12AM 1: Garlic In Your Soul Signed
I wrote a review for this when I read it last night, I don't know what happened to it. I guess I must have clicked the wrong button. I enjoyed this, especially the scene in the cemetery. I don't know about anybody else, but I would have stopped and watched too. Your B rating certainly suits her, she's nothing if not brazen and I'm wondering if Eugenia, the assisstant he fired, and Felicita Reed are one and the same person. They live in a magical world so changing her appearance and persona would be possible.

Author's Response: Nah, Eugenia is just there as an example of Snape's lack of people skills, although that certainly would have been a funny comeuppance. But thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Lady Whitehart 2006.01.01 - 04:41PM 1: Garlic In Your Soul Signed
Although I'm not 100% sure where you are going with this, I thought it was enjoyable.

Author's Response: Thank you! The second part is currently en queue; hopefully that will make everything clear. :)

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