Reviews for Connected
Tinker |
2005.02.13 - 08:57AM |
14: Weekend Retreat Part One |
Signed |
Sheesh - I just clicked the next button and was a full page through the next chapter before I realized I forgot to leave a review! The story's that enthralling...one thing that bothered me in this chapter was when Snape first looks at Meri in her dress. You used the phrase 'skimmed her curves perfectly', which is really, really overused. The rest of that description was fine, however. |
Tinker |
2005.02.13 - 12:36AM |
13: Lessons |
Signed |
My spiel of comments is drying up, I think, as nothing is springing to mind. I enjoyed this chapter as well, loved the hourglass alarm, and have been hooked on this story for almost three hours, now. Time to call it a night. Congratulations on writing something so engaging. |
Tinker |
2005.02.13 - 12:20AM |
12: The Waiting is the Hardest Part |
Signed |
Oh, waiting! Oh, wonderful, wonderful, realistically writing author! A character who believes the same way I do, and a story that depicts the struggle to wait! You've just jumped significantly higher on my list of favorite authors! |
Tinker |
2005.02.13 - 12:03AM |
11: Romance in the Making |
Signed |
Very interesting conversation about magical creatures tucked in here...I'm predicting a conflict/explosion about that in future. I suppose I'll just have to keep reading to find out...v. good chap! |
Tinker |
2005.02.12 - 11:47PM |
10: Insecurities |
Signed |
Excellent little angsty bit there - I really, really like the way you're portraying Snape. An unexperienced kisser, and painfully insecure; flaws are wonderful things. |
Tinker |
2005.02.12 - 11:37PM |
9: Anything's Better With Karaoke |
Signed |
Found one! It's a good sign that it's taken me nine chapters to find a criticism, right? During Meri's talk with her 'parents', her foster father refers to Snape as 'Professer Snape'. Since they are colleagues, shouldn't he say 'Severus'? Especially in light of McGonagall's earlier comment to Hermione. And you don't really explain why Dumbledore feels Papa Larry is entitled to know Snape's story. It strikes me as some rather personal stuff, that Dumbledore wouldn't spill to just anyone. And I absolutely love the little back-and-forth at the end! |
Tinker |
2005.02.12 - 11:14PM |
8: Black is the Color of my Heart's Desire |
Signed |
Hagrid died in Year Five? Well, that sure answers my question as to when you wrote this. *reads rest of chapter* Wow. I finally found something to constructively criticize, but I didn't type it up right away, and that final scene has completely blown it out of my head. I think it might have been a canon issue...nope, can't remember. Whatever it was, it's rather insignificant compared to that last scene. Excellent writing - you really pulled me in. The crunched spectacles moment in particular just *worked*. (I need italics :( ) Good, good, very good chapter. And that grotto dream has me intrigued...forshadowing for some sort of Siren mating ritual? |
Tinker |
2005.02.12 - 10:47PM |
7: The Spy Who Loved me but Suppressed the Urge |
Signed |
And the tension grows...I personally love getting constructive criticism, so I'm almost disappointed I have none for you. Criticism, that is. Your standard of writing hasn't relaxed in the slightest, your plotlines are skillfully interwoven, and you've just generally grabbed my interest. Good work! |
Tinker |
2005.02.12 - 10:30PM |
6: Paradigm Shift |
Signed |
The introduction of new powers is always tricky to write. You've done an excellent job of that here, it didn't jar me out of the story at all. The scene did reinforce my suspicion that her mother lives IN the sea, rather than in that cottage, though. Perhaps a mermaid? |
Tinker |
2005.02.12 - 10:21PM |
5: Keep Friends Close, and Suspicious Sexy Slytherins Closer |
Signed |
I caught that bit about Granger having just graduated. I'd been wondering about the timeframe - I applaude your sublety at slipping that in. :) And Sirius is back! Although you posted this post-OotP, but it might have been written/plotted beforehand, so 'back' might not be the right term...not that it really matters why he's there, he just is! Yay! I'm really enjoying your portrayal of Snape, and Meri is quite enchanting as well. Almost more so, since I don't know her. :D |
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