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| Vocalion | 2004.11.06 - 04:59PM | 2: The Shadow | Signed |
| I like short chapters. It's easier to review that way. You are writing Snape's dialogue well, and IC. I have a feeling there is much unpleasantness ahead, though. I usually go for the lighter fics, but I will try to see this through. Author's Response: YOu know, I've gotten complaints that I gloss over things (hence, short chapters). It's really something I can't help doing. Whenever I catch myslef in a long description or extended dialogue, I just erase it all and replace it with a couple of sentences. I don't know why I do that because I enjoy reading and long narrative doesn't bother me. I guess I don't like MY long narrative. | |||
| Vocalion | 2004.11.06 - 04:49PM | 1: The Gift | Signed |
| Well, your first chapter sucked me in, so I am eager to see what lies ahead. Your writing flows well, and you provided a nice teaser at the end to segway into chapter 2. Author's Response: Thanks! I'm really glad you like it. I was having a hard time carrying this story because I found it... I don't know... contrived. As long as someone enjoys it, it's all the encouragement I need. | |||
| EllieK | 2004.11.04 - 07:08PM | 29: Spark of Change | Signed |
| Oh, no! Poor girl! I am glad that Snape misses her and I am glad she sent him a letter. I can't wait to find out what that evil wench did to our fair herione. Author's Response: Well, it won't be pretty, I'm sorry to say. However, in a strange way it will be vaguely liberating. You see our Hufflepuff has always lived with the guilt that the night she and her sister were abducted, no physical harm came to her... it was all directed towards her sister and they even used her to force her sister into things. After the next chapter, much of that guilt will vanish, if you know what I mean. Thanks for the review! | |||
| June | 2004.11.04 - 06:56PM | 29: Spark of Change | Anonymous |
| Gotta love that Mrs Hemmings for her quick thinking and cool head! I doubted the letter too; it doesn't sound like anything she'd write - sounds like Narcissa, and it looks like they have gotten a lot of info out of her already. Sigh... BTW, I love the advice from Stroessner and Roche! Severus is lucky to have such good friends. Author's Response: Mrs. Hemmings is growing on me too. You know, I wanted her to sound sort of "high" and "giddy" and "over the top" because she had recovered her verisanitas. Another reason was that she had spent many months in an internal battle with the Dark Mark's voice in her head, and suddenly that voice was gone. Essentially, I wanted to justify why she just up and took off when she got a letter asking for her presence in Wales when she should have known better that nothing noteworthy was happeing in Wales. In other words, I wanted the letter to reflect that her judjement was slightly impaired. I'm working on the next chapter now. Maybe when I finish I'll come back and edit that letter to be more in-character for her. Stroessner and Roche are OLD friends and it's always been hard to strike a balance between the fact that they are cold-blooded Slytherin, and racists, and several other bad things... but they're not Death Eaters and they are loyal friends. Thanks for the review! | |||
| LariLee | 2004.11.04 - 06:48PM | 29: Spark of Change | Signed |
| So what did the Malfoys do with her? Or is it something else all together? Was the letter from her? I so love this story! ~Lisa Author's Response: Well, what happened to her comes up in the next chapter,... and it's not pretty. Both reviewers doubted the letter was from her, and it was from her! I wanted her to sound giddy (because of the verisanitas) and slightly incoherent, but unfortunately it came out OOC instead. Thanks for the review! I'm working on the next cahpter now. | |||
| LariLee | 2004.11.02 - 05:50PM | 28: Confrontation | Anonymous |
| Wow, just wow. Now where do we go? ~Lisa Author's Response: Don't worry... as I told June a while back, they end up togther, romantically, and permanently. We just need to get over a couple of more bumps first. But don't worry! There's not too much left before the happy ending! | |||
| June | 2004.11.01 - 06:49PM | 28: Confrontation | Anonymous |
| AAAUGH!!!! No, no, no, no, no! She can't be that stupid! He just TOLD her that Voldie would kill him for his relationship with her and yet he still came open with it. Groan.... And now she knows that he is NOT running from opalliom and still she runs from it? So Snape doesn't slap her; *I* want to! Update, update!! Author's Response: Well, she's been burned a couple of times with Snape, so she's just reluctant to believe that anything permanently good can come for her. She's just shell shocked from the past and she's hiding in her shell. She'll come around. Thanks for the review! | |||
| EllieK | 2004.11.01 - 04:47PM | 28: Confrontation | Signed |
| I cannot decide which of the two I am more angry with. She is silly and immature and he is an absolute jack ass!!! They are the perfect couple. I Love this story and want more. NOW!!! Author's Response: I agree! Thanks for the review! | |||
| LariLee | 2004.10.31 - 08:14PM | 27: Narcissa's Cocktail Party | Signed |
| Wow! Narcissa might have married into the Malfoy name, but she's a true Malfoy! Excellent chapter! I love seeing her be such a (word censored). ~Lisa Author's Response: She was, wasn't she? Well, she can't be so cunning if she doesn't see that her son is unemployed and with no prospects. You know, I've got the whole story for Snape and co., but I really haven't given closure to the Malfoys. Now that you mention it, I should do something about that. Thanks for the review! | |||
| crystal | 2004.10.31 - 05:58PM | 27: Narcissa's Cocktail Party | Anonymous |
| this is a really good story keep it going please i love it it's absolutely wonderful Author's Response: Thanks! I just uploaded another chapter and it should be accepted before it goes up. Thanks for the review! | |||
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